Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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heartisbroken 02/14/2017

Hello. I am new to this group. I'm on here today because my partner of twenty years just threw me away. I had a couple of rough years. My parents passed away last year six months apart from each other. Then I started having health problems and was diagnosed with uterine cancer. My partner was distant at times but still supportive. A couple weeks ago I had to undergo a complete hysterectomy. I am only 43. It was devastating to learn about the cancer but the best alternative was to have the surgery. I knew something had been amiss with him for a little while. He became very secretive about his phone, social media and email. This was never a problem before. He was working out and lost a lot of weight in the last few months and would tell me how all the women said he was hot. He would not sleep with me, kiss me or hug me. I knew there was something else to it. The day after my surgery he would sleep in the bed with me even though I needed help getting up to go to the bathroom. I had my post op last Thursday and was told that I had what they call residual cancer and needed to have tests done every four months for two years. That same night he told me he was keeping contact with a stripper he met on a business trip. Hr Said thet were just talking but that he had sex with her when he was on his trip. Just writing this down seems so pitiful. It doesn't even seem true. We have been together for 20 years and have two teenagers together. Since that night he has told me he hates me, that I disgust him, that I am old and ugly, he wants me to leave. I have no where to go. And I can't quit my job I need my benefits so I can keep the appointments. He said he didn't care he hopes I get cancer and die. I don't know where this is all coming from. We shared a life together, had family get together, etc., he told me he wants nothing to do with me or my family. On top of that I feel my body changing from the surgery. I feel so helpless. He said if I do not leave he will have me removed. Our kids are a wreck they try to talk to him but he lashed out st them. I don't even know who he is. I am so scared.

Misred 02/15/2017

He can't throw you out of the house. You have rights. If he wants to divorce, he needs to leave and file. Look around and see if you can find lawyers who give free consultations and make appointments. Don't use them as a counselor telling them all your troubles, just give a brief outline what is going on and ask what your rights are. Take some stuff with you, like finances, last years tax returns, his pay stub if you can find one. See more than one lawyer if you want to. Any lawyer you meet with, cannot represent him. Don't let his threats scare you. You have rights here. Write down or keep any written threats, you may need them.

Good websites to look into is Divorce.com and Divorce360.com. You can find out what your rights our in your state.

heartisbroken 02/15/2017

Thank you all for your words of support. When you go through this it's so hard to talk to people face to face because quite honestly I am ashamed. The things he says and the venom in his words hit me right down the center of my self esteem. I hate looking at my reflection because all I see and hear is his voice calling me old, ugly and fat. I cry myself to sleep it's the only way I can. I go back to work next week. I work nights so at least I will have some peace. Fortunately I have a great big brother who is helping me through the legalities. Unfortunately I cannot leave the home because it will be considered abandonment. I hate myself for letting him treat me this way. But I feel very powerless. And I don't want him to get physical. Yesterday was Valentine's Day. He told me he hates me. Last year I got a beautiful card and roses. How can so much change in such a little time? I am so heartbroken. I was a good faithful wife for 20 years. Now I worry how this will affect our children because he does not hide his disgust for me from them. It feels like I am dying inside.

Dandelion 02/15/2017

He's a very foolish man.

He may think he's found someone, but that someone may very well dump him when he's paying support/runs out of money.

VERY foolish man to sacrifice his family.

I'm glad you have your brother.

Get everything you deserve and in a few years you may very well have the last laugh,, but when he wants to come crawling back I hope you remember this cruel disservice he is doing to you now when you are ill.

You look in the mirror and say "I'm getting stronger and healthier every day"..

People that cut others down like that are PROJECTING.

Get a lawyer and some piece of mind.

confused1 02/15/2017

At what point do you seek legal advice? I still have a tiny spark of hope as we've only had one counseling session together and he says he's not sure if he wants to leave. But I am the one responsible for the bills and have only recently started working again after being a SAHM for 4 years. I know I need to prepare, but don't want to jump the gun and have him think I've given up...

Misred 02/15/2017

I've been here long enough to know this is typical cheaters behavior. It's like that all have a play book they go by. You need to tell yourself this man is a stranger and the guy who gave you flowers is gone from life. You need to deal with this person who looks like the man you loved. Hang in there and just let whatever he says go in one ear and out the other. He is going to re-write your entire marital history...they all do that to justify themselves for what they are doing. Just let the kids know this is not about them or their fault...that you love them now and always will. This is going to be tough...but I can tell you, there is life after divorce. You've beaten cancer for goodnesss sakes, so you can beat this and go on to have a good life! Think of this as being the biggest deal you will ever make in your life....because it's about your future now.

ripped_my_heartout 02/15/2017

Sorry to hear such a heartbreaking story. Sounds an awful like my stbx. They are a different breed of people. They lack empathy for others and only care about themselves.

I was constantly put down by her...every time I questioned her in her whereabouts or catch her texting someone I did not know, she would argue and twist it back on me. It became my problem. I was called lazy, stupid a-hole, never heard her compliment me at all the last 2 years. The dog got more attention then I did. I tried to get her to go to marriage counseling , she refused. I tried to talk, she would go away. She was verbally abusive, she did hit me a couple of times. Threw a plate that busted on me once. I never felt such stress. I've since found out she has had multiple affairs. My son has caught her with a man she brought home from the bar. Now my kids know about her. All the times I found men's underware that did not belong to me or my son, I feel so stupid that I didn't to something sooner. I was becoming blind to what was there right in front of me.

I feel for you and your situation. This is a tough process. Get the help and support you need. You need it. You were hit with a double whammy. The cancer is a battle in itself. Stay strong, good people here that you can chat too or vent. I wish you well on your road to healing and recovery
-HUGS-

Rossie 02/15/2017

Dont leave that house, it is easier for him to leave because he already have someone to move in with. He does not have baggage but you have the children and you are unwell. Please get a lawyer and fight for your right. I left without anything after 16 years of marriage. Another woman came in and she started enjoying what I had sacrificed for, I dont want to see women doing what I did.

heartisbroken 02/15/2017

It's hard to stay. His insults are unprovoked and when he sees me crying he tells me I make him sick. To top it off I am feeling some effects from the hysterectomy. My hot flashes and mood swings are unbearable. I didn't do anything to deserve to be treated this way. I was a faithful wife and from what I read that is hard to come by in partners nowadays. We planned our future together. How can I lose so much. I wish my mom was here to give me guidance and support. I miss my parents so much. Sorry if I sound childish and pitiful. I just feel so alone.

Misred 02/15/2017

Feel free to write out your feelings. You need an outlet. DS also has a journal feature you can use to write stuff. Don't leave it open to the general public though. You don't want it to get used against you.

spotz49 02/15/2017

It could be that the writing was on the wall for a long time but you couldn't or wouldn't face it. This behavior is typical and he was probably cheating before. Do not leave the home! If you are threatened, call the police, document everything, get a restraining order. He cannot make you leave. You may be charged with abandonment if you go. Get a good lawyer. If it gets violent, go to a women's shelter and take the kids. You will not be popular but it will keep you safe and provide documentation.
It's heartbreaking, I know but stay strong and fall apart when it's settled. Plus, it is not uncommon for the female partner of a cheater to develop cancer, which is another reason to stay away from him sexually and a good reason to get mad enough at him to get you through the worse part. Keep in touch with your spiritual side. You can't do this on your own. So sorry.

Reginaceli 02/17/2017

I am sorry to tell you, but you get over the first sorrow put yourself together get a lawyer and counseling for you and your kids. This your ex became someone stranger to you now!!!But He does not deserve you at all. !!! Do not you put the blame on yourself. He has no right to put you down. He is a sick bastard. Get yourself together. Keep you house your kids. Take care of your family!!!! He is the loser. Do not worry. The anatomy and life's journey will teach him what is the really important priorities ... Telling you.

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