I think about this sometimes. I read on here, or hear people saying things, like "It takes two people to end a marriage." Or, "The cheating person's needs weren't being met, so the betrayed spouse holds some responsibility." -- I think it is common that most marriages have problems that need to be addressed. But when one person goes outside the marriage and cheats, that is moving in the wrong direction and regardless of the problems they're having, cheating is not justified.

Couples need to work on their issues without a third party involved. The movie, "The Story of Us" with Michelle Pfeiffer (Katie) and Bruce Willis (Ben) has a scene where they're fighting and the subject comes up where Katie mentions when she overheard Ben talking to a woman at work about their marriage. He lets his wife know that he did not cheat he only talked to this other woman. Katie responds with someone like, "So you think talking to your girlfriend is going to help get us back on track?" Point being, cheating is a reason or justification for divorce (as well as some other offenses (in my opinion)) but so many issues in a marriage do not justify divorce (again, in my opinion). So in the case of a spouse who has cheated multiple times and if this was the ultimate reason for divorce then it seems logical to me that they're not equally at fault.

Because you're having issues, doesn't equal, it's okay to cheat. That is a character flaw.

When I was a kid the adults used to say "it takes 2 to fight". I always thought that that was an adult cop out. Then I had kids.

Now I KNOW that it's an adult cop out. (Might be why I raised 2 kids that like each other, and my parents raised kids that hated each other...)

In any case, what I tell MY kids is....it takes 2 to make a Bridge. And all relationships are essentially bridges. If one person isn't "there" the other can support the relationship for only so long, then it will fall apart.

Just my take on it, but relationships are 60-60 things. Most people think that they give a bit more than they do. And most of us leave behind us just a bit of litter that we didn't notice. So picking up your brother's socks is expected, as is his picking up yours. But there's not a lot of people with that attitude.

"Trust" isn't just not to cheat. It's also that the other person is giving what they can into the relationship. If one person gets ALL of the work with childcare...they'll drown. Same with all of the work for repairs. Even more so if one person is doing all of the emotional work with the relationship. Either partner can drown the other in complaints.

Cheating starts long before looking at someone else. Cheating is going Outside of the marriage for comfort, understanding, or sex. Cheating isn't about the other partner...it's about yourself. Character flaw is putting it mildly.

That depends on why the spouse was cheating in the first place. Don't get me wrong. Cheating is definitely wrong. But if the other spouse provokes it by being totally unempathetic when the other who cheated talked about hard moments as they occurred and acted like an adversary to the person who cheated, this can lead the cheating spouse to cheat if the person he/she is cheating with is giving the cheating spouse exactly all the empathy etcetra (s)he ouught to get from marraige partner then there is equal responsibility for the marraige breakdown. But this is not a fundamental all or nothing explanation of all divorces. If a spouse divorces because the other turned out to be having pedophile oriented sex with their children, then by all means DIVORCE and thereby protect the children from further sexual abuse, if possible. I say "if possible" because I know of a case where a Mom divorced know of a case where the mother divorced the father for that very reason, but the father still got visiting rights to see the child he was molesting. Makes me wonder where the judge was on this case. So, obviously not always is it both spouses that are at fault. But there are times when such is the case.

One thing i have learned thru out my divorce is, It
was not all him. I had my own issues and that i needed
Help with and to own my stuff. I admit them now he
needs to own His stuff too but i can not make him.

He is no longer my Responsibility or problem anymore.
I did need to face myself and deal with my own demons
And issues. Like why i picked and married him?

There is never a good excuse to cheat Or abuse your spouse
in a marriage. You both had said your Vows and probably meant
them. To love, honor And cherish. I know i did, i took my marriage
very seriously And i was in for a lifetime. Life changes when you
both Are not all in or working as a team anymore.

To me often a serial cheater has mental health issues and they can
be Abusers too, cheating in a marriage is emotional abuse, HUGS