I have said the same thing! It does feel like a dream. I hope you get some rest. Your head will be clearer if you can get some sleep. Try taking some deep breaths. Having the tv on helps me sleep bc it interferes a little with my thoughts and gives me something else to listen to as I fall asleep. You will survive! Please reach out for help here or call the suicide hotline. Reach out to friends and family. Maybe have a friend or family member stay with you or you go stay with a friend or family member. Being alone doesn't sound like the best thing for you right now.

Momo. You might not realize it but seeing some of your comments here. You do sound like you are improving. I'm happy to see that. It does take time and there will be lots of struggles ahead, but you have taken a huge first step forward to healing. I struggle with the same questions you have. I'll likely never get those answers but I can't let it eat at me. Stay strong and keep moving forward day by day. You are stronger then you know.
-HUGS-

That is a really tough situation. I feel like being in the same house would be so hard especially feeling that you still want to save the marriage. Have you tried marriage counseling?

I know this is very hard for you, I have been married for 24 years and have never been with another man other than my husband and now a divorce, I think of all of the times that he can smile, laugh and go on with his day as if there was never a us while I am going through the pain of reality . Well while I was dealing with reality and he is not his reality hit him a little but enough to give him regret. The same will happen with your spouse ... you are living in reality and you are trying and will continue to try to work through the pain and you will work through it as with him his reality will hit him but you will be 20 steps ahead of him because you started to work through it sooner which makes you stronger. Just because the spouse or stbx acts like everything is fine trust me it is short lived and reality will hit him soon. Start writing your feelings down and how you got through the past day so that when you have another bad day you can look back to the steps you took forward to get through it. Your get through it in time and healing because you are worth it .

Same thing for me. My STBX had..is having an affair . She's leaving me. What about the kids? "They'll be fine, noone died" she's so callous to the suffering of her apparently former best friend and her own kids. My heart has been ripped outhe, shown to me and stepped on. I'm stuck on the couch and can barely function. It's been just over 3 weeks. I've given her everything I possibly could in life. I love (ed) her so much. I'm stuck too.

I feel you ! It's been 8 months. I keep hoping it's a dream . She has moved ion like it's nothing but it will get better so Iam told

Sounds like he's a Narcissist, based on the lack of empathy.

The first thing you have to do is care for yourself and actually love yourself. Then, realize that a relationship can only work if BOTH people want it. You wanting the relationship, when he does not, isn't healthy.

It's not healthy for the children, either. They didn't ask to be born, so you OWE them a healthy life. That means getting therapy, getting yourself emotionally and psychologically healthy, and tending to any issues the boys might be having as well.

It's time to stop being a little girl in love, and start being a mother. Don't make excuses. Get out. Best of luck.