I am so sorry that you seem so hung up on this guy, and it has gone on for such a long time.
You need to decide you will move on or prepare to be miserable for the rest of your life. The choice is yours.
I do feel badly for you.

I know, I think the reason it's gone on for so long is because we were seeing each other off and on. Now that we're no contact at least I am trying very very hard to remain no contact, then maybe I can finally start to move forward. I know I can, is hard.

I know it is hard, and I am so hoping you can have some happiness.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
You deserve better then this!!!

I know I do. I had a weird dream, in the dream I was sad, like I am now but I was also pretty..I didn't look like me, I mean very similar but I was beautiful. I decided it's time to believe that I'm beautiful in real life too. I feel stupid saying that but I feel beautiful. I feel like a good person wh can be happy again. I need to move on. Whether or not I feel it's completely over, I know he still has some feelings for me but who cares, it's time to move on. Even saying that though I don't know if I truly believe it's over. So, whether or not I believe it's over I am moving on. I have to.

Stop trying to move forward, take the time to define where you are,
The relationship has been waffling between being toxic and over.

It is a bad relationship that should just end.
End it, end your role in it.

At this point it doesn't matter what made it toxic, longing around it is toxic for you.

You're right refurb, it's been toxic... I know that. I don't know why this isso hard for me, I used to be so independent! Don't feel independent anymore. I feel pathetic. I'm 28 and childless and single. I'm like an old sinister.

Hi BrooklynnMB, i know exactly how you feel. I'm also 28, childless and single, after a 10yr relationship. I've always been a family oriented person, always wanted a big family etc, i wanted to be married with at least 1 kid before 30. The thought of having to start over completely hurts a lot and it doesn't make it any easier that my biological clock has been ticking for a couple of years already. I just pray for healing and hope that I can find a person that I can love and trust again. And you are not pathetic, you are just hurting.

Stbx and I were in our mid thirties when started having kids

28 is young so is 37

Define where you are now so that you cAn bury it as a "mile marker"
Then use it, when needed, to keep your bearings as you move in down the road towards _______ well the blank is for you to fill in but you can't do so until you define the toxicity of where you are now

I know I'm not old. I guess what really sucks is that I've known him ten years, he's my best friend, or was. He will be hard to replace.

Brook - Sorry for your pain! Being without he is hard! I miss my stbx too. He was my friend for 23 years. I thought he was and was going to be until death...sigh....Hang in there....

Hugs to you

I too have lost my best friend of 20 years

I still cannot make sense of it