Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Well thats that

cavahoo1215
cavahoo1215

We just had our joint therapy session. I gotta say Im feeling ok about what went down. Weve agreed to seperate for now. Im thinking that it will lead to divorce and at this point im not even sure I would want to avoid that. Ive been thinking a lot about seperating and I feel suprisingly good about it, almost excited. She had a few over the top not exactly true statements that mad me a little angry but, whatever. Im sick of her behavior and being treated like crap. I know that alot of this is on me and I have owned it time and again, but she wants to take no responsibility. Im so done.                           (For today anyway)


I want so badly to hang on to this attitude and Im guarding very hard against not feeling like a beaten puppy anymore.  


We need to sit down and talk out the logistics. Which of course we cant do tonight because she's "working late".

jojored
jojored
I hope you can work out the logistics quickly. She might be reluctant to do so, since she is the one benefiting from having you around at home. If she will benefit from ending things quickly, she probably will. But if it's advantageous for her to hang around, I bet she will. Stbx is still hanging around, and will till the bitter end. It's not good, so I hope you can split quickly.
samantha717
samantha717
What I found in the beginning was that my mood fluctuated. Some days, I felt like I could conquer the world and other days, I wanted to hide under the bed and cry. Over time, I started having more strong days than scared days. Do you have an attorney yet?
cavahoo1215
cavahoo1215
No. No attorney. At least through this seperation phase, I think we can work things out, but for the next step I will get one. I cant imagine how I would pay for that right now. Im only working a part rime job. Ive been a stay at home dad for the past 13 years and started working part time while the kids are in school. I intend to get alimony weather or not she is aggreable to that will be a determining factor for a lawyer as well. I think she will be, but we will see.
jojored
jojored
Doesn't matter if she's agreeable to alimony or not, if you've stayed home with the kids for 13 years and essentially put your career on hold, you should receive alimony. At least in my state, I can't imagine others don't do the same.
happymama2j
happymama2j
Try to hold onto these feelings, really cement them in your brain. It will help you if/when she starts trying to manipulate you during the separation/divorce. She most likely will try very hard to manipulate you, sometimes by being overly nice, sometimes by trying to make you feel sorry for her, sometimes by getting angry with you. Don't buy into any of it, it's all manipulation. I am glad you are feeling stronger and excited in a way. I just read this the other day, and I find it to be true: "Getting a divorce sucks, but being divorced is great!" It is hard going through, but once it is all over, things improve.
((HUGS))
MTGrl
MTGrl
Happy to hear. This is good news! =)
Minidogs2
Minidogs2
When someone refuses to own their part in the relationship, there is nothing you can do. All you can do is work at owning your part and go on with your life.
cavahoo1215
cavahoo1215
I have finally come to realize that Minidogs. Im through with beating myself up thinking this was all my fault. Her actions played a huge part as well and continue to be a reason I feel we will never work this out. Im done being a punching bag, doormat, beaten puppy or cowardly lion! Im focusing on my kids and myself, everything else just is what it is.
mirandac
mirandac
Great attitude cava, my ex checked out and was
Not nice for a long time thats on him, he was not
willing to Work on us or own his part. HUGS