I can totally relate

As much as their intentions are good....It does not respect your grieving process

and I understand your need to be back at your house and where the shit has to be dealt with

Nothing worse than being around people being couples or trying to get together with each other.....just rubs it in your face

I know how you feel. If I think that I may be able to see my husband, I want to be home. If I know he is going to stop by for something, I want to leave work early so I can be there. Why? When he doesn't want to be with me. Why do I subject myself to that? Unconditional love I guess. The thought of being close but not touching, maybe I will see that for a change he is happy to see me and doesn't want to expel some truth on me that will hurt even more. Who knows......Hang in there. Try to enjoy your time as best as possible. Your friends mean well, they prob just don't understand what you are feeling. or why you are feeling it.

Thanks guys for your replies. I will try to make the best of it as possible. We are on our way out to dinner in a few (I'm on the west coast, so we are blessed with good weather) and I'm getting really sad about going out. I just want to stay at the hotel room, laydown and just watch TV, but that would be me letting my wife win, I guess.

Yes you are right.
You will be back soon dealing with it all.
Allow yourself a space to breath ...Enjoy the love and support of your friends.
Don't feel pressure to enjoy yourself...just be how you feel
That is ok and all you can do

And I PROMISE you it will get easier and less painful in time

You just weren't ready yet for this kind of trip. Once you've really separated and time has gone by then you may have enjoyed it more. But while still ensconced in false hope this is the result. I tried this same stuff last year but I was still early in healing. Next year once you've been apart for a good while it will be more enjoyable. While still living together though..I don't see it. Still too much pain.

kbb is so right
that is just the way it is

Had dinner, a beer and called it a night. Lying in bed in my hotel room by 9:30. I was so looking forward to this trip, thinking some time with the guys far away from home would be just what I needed.
Anyway, lesson learned.

I know how that feels. It's hard to enjoy things that would normally take you out of yourself. It's ok to feel down though. I'm dealing with a break up and try to go hang out with my girlfriends and go out with them and then spend the night at their house. But it's hard to enjoy myself while I'm out. And then when I'm at their house and the night is winding down and I'm going to sleep, I feel really lonely and full of grief, and I have a painful feeling in my chest. And I don't want to tell them this because I don't want to kill the vibe.

But you know, things aren't black and white. If it makes you feel better, I'm sure your wife isn't having an easy time with this either. She may look it, but I'm sure she's struggling in her own right, too. Maybe that can comfort you, that you both are having a hard time. Appearances can be deceiving.

Other than that, we just gotta wait it out. No matter what happens, in 6 months things will be more settled in. Whether that's with the same people or someone else or alone, I'm going to focus on working on myself. I believe in times of heightened pain we can learn the most about ourselves and pain-bodies from the past are activated. This is an opportunity to grow, and these are growing pains. It will be ok

I know what you mean. It is really nice for your pals to try to help out; full marks to them.

I'm just getting back from a week away and I really enjoyed most of it but you just never know when those hidden pitfalls are going to make your heart break again. For me, it was on the plane. The couple across from me were probably in their 60s or maybe early 70s. She was snoozing with her head on his shoulder and he was reading, with one hand on her knee. It was such an image of intimacy, of solidarity, of trust and safety and love.

Boy, it stabbed me to the core. I thought that was what I had. I was so certain that I would grow old with my mate and now it FEELS like I am on the outside, looking in.

The best I can do is try to bring some reality to my feelings. I don't know anything at all about this couple. Maybe it is their second marriage and they are still in the first blush of romance. Maybe she is ill and he is feeling particularly protective of her. Maybe they have as much grief in a different context that I have, and maybe I wouldn't swap mine for theirs if I knew about it.

No life is perfect; no relationship is perfect. I know people in long lived marriages who feel trapped, or sad and lonely, who feel their spousal life is mediocre but don't know how to change it. I try (and try and try, because it is a daily struggle) to remind myself of what is good in my life and even, dare I say it, what is good about being single.

For the last week, I have not had to worry about coordinating with another person, making sure that they are having a good time too, doing things I am not that crazy about or knowing that they are doing things that they are not crazy about (and yes, I know, the loss is not doing something we are both crazy about and sharing it). I could be quiet when I wanted and seek out conversation when I wanted. I met new people and one of the things I am doing is making an effort to be a REALLY good listener, concentrate on that other person, pay complete attention to them when they are talking.

I feel your sadness and I share it. I hope there will be at least a few pockets of relief along the way as you go through this. Please know you're not alone.

Best wishes.

Tailspin, so sorry you aren't getting a little place of mind while enjoying hitting a ball around with your buddies. I totally understand the pull you feel to her when you are apart. Even living with my wife, the uncertainty and pain of our situation makes ant time away amplify thoughts and fears of the current events and of her. Chatoyant is very inciteful and and the example given was especially poignant. I wish I had something as wise to say but I'd be in a much better place myself if I did. Best I can do you extend my heartfelt support and prayers for you and your family, Tailspin. Hang in there.

I got home around 9:00 last night. She was watching TV in the guest room where she bows sleep. She didn't say anything until I said "hello" first. She replied with a "hi" and that was it. No "how was your trip?" or "did you enjoy yourself?" NOTHING!

I went to my room, got unpacked, took a shower and laid in bed. Anyway, off to work. Have a great Monday, everyone.

YUP...Familiar scenario

hang in there

You will make it through this crap

My weekend getaway made her even more distant now. We were initially "civil" had small talk and so on. Now, day 2 of me returning, she hardly even acknowledges my existence.

Believe me dont think if you hadnt gone on the trip your marriage wouldve been saved. She is detaching and has been for some time. I went through this same scenario. I feel for you though, I hope you can stop cohabitating soon, the longer you live together when she is firmly done and emotionally finished the suckier it is...I lived it.

I am noticing this in my house, albeit we just mutually decided to separate 6-7 weeks ago. I can see we are both "trying" to detach, however having teenagers and being under the same roof makes it difficult.
I've noticed when she tells me about plans she has with her girlfriends I get agitated. I try not to show it, but I know it's coming out. I hope many of you are right in that time, and only time, will help all these feelings. Like the original post, I too am a golfer and would go out to a pub or club after a round and look round and be happy to have a wife and family home---not a dating scene. Hopefully that will change too.