Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Sorry for the very long and bitter post.
Hard to start a brand new topic when I've been around a little while. Short story, getting divorced. Wife has been cheating for 2+ years (I recently found out) and treating me like shit. Absolute disgusting arrogance and narcissism on her part. Dragged me through marriage counseling without any hint of effort on her part, then announced that she wanted a divorce, then about 9-10 days later I found out about all the cheating. She still has not admitted it and I have not confronted her. For some reason I feel that I hold a tiny iota of power by not telling her what I know. She knows I think she is a POS and garbage, but she doesn't know what I know.
Anyway.
We are embroiled in the divorce process. I opened up to some old friends who live in other states (unfortunately don't have too many local friends - 2 decent ones plus my brother). He said come down to North Carolina for Memorial Day weekend - his family will be out of town. I strongarmed my stbx bitch wife into watching our daughter (8yo). So I went down for a cathartic weekend.
Of course, the very day that I am to leave (last Friday) I get to hear from her as I am putting her on the bus that mom's friend "Pete" is coming tonight to look at her new house and then come back to our house and fix the stove. There are 5 people who I am pretty sure my disgusting stbx has slept with (that I know about) over the last 2+ years. He is one of them. So that kicked off my weekend nicely, knowing that he would be fucking my wife in my house while I was away.
Had a decent weekend. Obviously tons of venting. Great to see old friend. Played golf for the first time and may take it up as a new hobby to distract myself and maybe meet new people. All that is good.
Came back Monday night to put my daughter to bed. Found out that my stbx had booked a Hilton Hotel over the weekend by looking at CC records. She had our daughter at a sleepover Sunday into Monday so I guess that is when she got out of town for her second hookup time. She is amazing at getting what she wants even when she is on "child duty".
Fast forward to tonight. She told me she is "going out" so I pick up our daughter from the after school program (as usual, I do most of the childcare stuff). On my way down I notice (by huge coincidence) I am behind my stbx's car! I hang back a bit to avoid being noticed. I wanted to follow her but after a certain point I knew where she was going - to "Pete"'s house.
So it is clear now that Pete is the new guy, and she is doing whatever she can to hook up with him whenever she can. She is so disgusting. As far as I can tell she has floated from guy to guy for a couple years and I have no idea how serious she is about Pete. She still denies that she has cheated on me!! No apparent guilt, no apologies. Obviously the divorce is happening and I would never take her back, but her narcissism, arrogance, and gall still amaze me.
Now to the moving out. My new place will not be ready until July 1. I decided I cannot continue to live in the same house with this tramp for 5 more weeks. Starting on Monday I am going to move in with my parents. It's going to be difficult, uncomfortable, and stifling. But better than being in the same house as this bitch.
It is just hard to believe all this is happening. She is so fucking awful. No remorse. She cakes on the makeup and goes out cheating with people, comes back acting as if nothing happened. Incredible!
When I told my daughter we were going to start the new custody arrangement soon (Monday), where she would live with me and Nana sometimes, and with "mom" at home other times, she folded herself under a blanket and cried for 20 minutes without responding to me.
Thank you so much you disgusting piece of shit bitch for bringing this situation upon me and "our" (not that you care much) daughter.
So that's where I am. Had a decent weekend while my stbx fucked around in our home and elsewhere. Then came back to more of a shitstorm.
Bitch came back earlier from her booty call and goes to sleep and sleeps like a baby while I use alcohol and melatonin to maybe get 4-5 hours in a night.
I wish I could evict her from my life, but with our daughter involved I will always have to deal with her. I guess getting out and sleeping on a couch or something at my parents' house will be better than this.
Hard to start a brand new topic when I've been around a little while. Short story, getting divorced. Wife has been cheating for 2+ years (I recently found out) and treating me like shit. Absolute disgusting arrogance and narcissism on her part. Dragged me through marriage counseling without any hint of effort on her part, then announced that she wanted a divorce, then about 9-10 days later I found out about all the cheating. She still has not admitted it and I have not confronted her. For some reason I feel that I hold a tiny iota of power by not telling her what I know. She knows I think she is a POS and garbage, but she doesn't know what I know.
Anyway.
We are embroiled in the divorce process. I opened up to some old friends who live in other states (unfortunately don't have too many local friends - 2 decent ones plus my brother). He said come down to North Carolina for Memorial Day weekend - his family will be out of town. I strongarmed my stbx bitch wife into watching our daughter (8yo). So I went down for a cathartic weekend.
Of course, the very day that I am to leave (last Friday) I get to hear from her as I am putting her on the bus that mom's friend "Pete" is coming tonight to look at her new house and then come back to our house and fix the stove. There are 5 people who I am pretty sure my disgusting stbx has slept with (that I know about) over the last 2+ years. He is one of them. So that kicked off my weekend nicely, knowing that he would be fucking my wife in my house while I was away.
Had a decent weekend. Obviously tons of venting. Great to see old friend. Played golf for the first time and may take it up as a new hobby to distract myself and maybe meet new people. All that is good.
Came back Monday night to put my daughter to bed. Found out that my stbx had booked a Hilton Hotel over the weekend by looking at CC records. She had our daughter at a sleepover Sunday into Monday so I guess that is when she got out of town for her second hookup time. She is amazing at getting what she wants even when she is on "child duty".
Fast forward to tonight. She told me she is "going out" so I pick up our daughter from the after school program (as usual, I do most of the childcare stuff). On my way down I notice (by huge coincidence) I am behind my stbx's car! I hang back a bit to avoid being noticed. I wanted to follow her but after a certain point I knew where she was going - to "Pete"'s house.
So it is clear now that Pete is the new guy, and she is doing whatever she can to hook up with him whenever she can. She is so disgusting. As far as I can tell she has floated from guy to guy for a couple years and I have no idea how serious she is about Pete. She still denies that she has cheated on me!! No apparent guilt, no apologies. Obviously the divorce is happening and I would never take her back, but her narcissism, arrogance, and gall still amaze me.
Now to the moving out. My new place will not be ready until July 1. I decided I cannot continue to live in the same house with this tramp for 5 more weeks. Starting on Monday I am going to move in with my parents. It's going to be difficult, uncomfortable, and stifling. But better than being in the same house as this bitch.
It is just hard to believe all this is happening. She is so fucking awful. No remorse. She cakes on the makeup and goes out cheating with people, comes back acting as if nothing happened. Incredible!
When I told my daughter we were going to start the new custody arrangement soon (Monday), where she would live with me and Nana sometimes, and with "mom" at home other times, she folded herself under a blanket and cried for 20 minutes without responding to me.
Thank you so much you disgusting piece of shit bitch for bringing this situation upon me and "our" (not that you care much) daughter.
So that's where I am. Had a decent weekend while my stbx fucked around in our home and elsewhere. Then came back to more of a shitstorm.
Bitch came back earlier from her booty call and goes to sleep and sleeps like a baby while I use alcohol and melatonin to maybe get 4-5 hours in a night.
I wish I could evict her from my life, but with our daughter involved I will always have to deal with her. I guess getting out and sleeping on a couch or something at my parents' house will be better than this.
While it will be impossible to cut your wife off entirely because of your daughter, it sounds like you're doing a good job protecting yourself. Getting out sooner rather than later sounds like a good plan. Reconnecting with friends is also great.
Good luck with the move, believe me getting this piece of work out I your life will take a load of stress off of you. Take care
I think moving out is a great move, even if you have to suck up living with your mom for a bit. It took a while, but the best thing I did for me was breaking contact as much as possible. It makes the process of moving on a bit easier. I still get the odd email every few days, but it feels nice to ignore her craziness and move on with my day.
One can hope that karma will even the score some day. Im holding out for an attack by a pack of rabid skunks, or maybe incurable abnormal flatulence.
Also, not sure if you thought about it, but a STD test might be a good idea.
I'm not entirely sure. For one, I don't feel that it is necessary. I know what I know, and it is beyond the pale - no reconciliation ever possible.
She is a master of passive-aggressive attacks, and I think she wants me to confront her. I think she is ready to counter-attack with a set of reasons why I am the cause of all of our problems. She was basically using that approach throughout marriage counseling, in which I made myself vulnerable and made a real effort to confront our problems and she stayed aloof and was (almost certainly, and at the very least emotionally) cheating on me throughout the whole process.
After being walked all over for a while, and then really trampled during marriage counseling, holding this piece of information back makes me feel like I have the smallest bit of power left. Plus I completely ignore her now, and the moving out will be yet another example of shutting her out of my life. No more power for a toxic bitch.
Other examples? Hmm. We are trying to have a mediated divorce. If we have a big angry blowup that could ruin things and result in much larger expenses for legal fees. All that said, I am a very savvy person and am looking out for my interests in this divorce - and if the mediation terms are not looking good, I have already found an excellent lawyer and will fight her tooth and nail.
What else. Again the power thing. I feel like one of the best ways to approach this right now is to act as if I don't care at all. I am not really successful at it yet - usually I am curt/annoyed in her presence. But I can do better. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me livid. Again, she is a master of the passive-aggressive and pushing my buttons is what she probably wants to do.
Confronting her. Maybe she decides to hurt me by revealing a HUGE amount of infidelity. I already know of a LOT. I'd rather not know about more, to be honest. Let what I know be the end of it and that's that.
All in all I don't see the upside of the confrontation. I no longer text or email anything emotional - just did it once. I texted, basically:
"You are a worthless piece of shit. I am sad that my child has you for a mother. I will never have an ounce of respect for you again."
I never said why. She knew at that point that I suspected her fucking around with the neighbor (almost certain). But that's all she knew of what I suspected. So let her ponder how much of her 2+ years of infidelity and all manner of cheating, treating me poorly, etc, I have discovered. I'd rather it rattle around uncertainly in her head than tell her what I know. She just doesn't deserve it.
Broken234, one other point about why I haven't confronted her. I wish I could demand that she not introduce new guys into our daughter's life right away, but I don't think I legally can. She will do what she wants and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. Just like the fact that she won't move out of our house, and I am going to have to endure a lot of crap temporarily in order to get myself out. Can't force her out of the "marital home".
Lamar, I also worry about who she will end up with, or who she will cycle through and whether our daughter will be safe with that person. It's another thing I just can't control. One thing I don't worry too much about is my stbx demanding primary custody. It would cramp her whorish lifestyle to have to take care of a kid that much (yeah, she's a shitty mom too). We have agreed to 50/50 physical custody.
Also, you wrote:
"I want nothing more than to never see her again."
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! But I guess we're stuck.
I'm only about one month away, although I knew things were screwed up earlier.
Yes, I will eventually need to let the anger go. For now I prefer anger to some of the other emotions - sadness, despair, anxiety, etc. And I am also provoked by my current situation - had to interact with her tonight several times. It will be interesting to see how I progress starting Monday when I am living with my parents (for a month, ugh) but away from the toxic stbx. There could be improvement.
Living a "happy and full life" - yes, that is my goal. I will get there.
One of the things I've learned is that you after the pain comes healing. Believe me, one day your cheating behaviours won't bother you anymore. Place your focus on your daughter now, that's the most important thing. I can tell that you love her very much.
Instant gratification and casual sex is just that....no meaning or love attached. One day your stbx will realize that and by then you will be in a much better place.
You're angry now and that's normal. You will move one from all this chaos one day.
I'm a healthcare professional and would advice you to make sure you get tested for ALL STI's.
Hugs to you.