Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello friends.
I posted last week in a much more confused state than I am in now. Now I am sad and determined. Last week I let you all know that I noticed myself attaching to another person and distancing from my spouse. I spent the past week talking intensively with him about our expectations and needs, and letting him know what I felt I was missing in the relationship. It is pretty clear that we want different things now, that while our needs and wants lined up when we got engaged, they are drifting apart now. I wish I could squelch the part of myself that is getting in the way, but at the same time I know that it is part of me and I have no reason not to embrace it. I feel so sad, because in countless ways we are a good match. We love each other, kind of as two best friends would, and we want the best for each other. But I see a different life than what he sees. My heart breaks as I write this because I am bargaining with myself that it could be different. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I know that bitter separations are terrible, but the sadness involved with considering a separation with someone with whom I have so much mutual respect is also heart-breaking!! Part of me wants to wait, to see if maybe they still can line up. Part of me hates the thought of wasting his time. I tend to stay in situations because I'm conflict avoidant. I also struggle with trusting myself because my track record for decision making is...well it's about as imperfect as any human's is, I suppose.
A temporary hormone imbalance.
You owe it to both of you to make sure you're not just hormonal right now, but are in fact making a true and valid decision.
Be sure you take your time and split because of the right reasons, not a new exciting person you are growing close to. Good luck
The needs are fairly grave though. I want to foster teenagers (always have, he knew this going in), and I can tell the idea really overwhelms him now, whereas he was interested in it before. I want to be really involved in my church community and he does not, which is totally fine, I respect it..The question is whether resentment will build if we try to get each other involved in our own separate lives. He hates religion and hates anything that takes too much emotional energy. I am really passionate about it. I hate that it feels like I either choose him or my passions. Maybe there's a middle ground I'm not seeing. I'm keeping my eye out for it.
I really appreciate the feedback. And I appreciate you guys reminding me to be focused on what is at the root of what's going on rather than what other love interests may or may not exist.