hugs KD. You are not alone...

My stbx has destructed even further since the separation..hes broke, just got his 4th DWI and has involved himself in some criminal activity. Add to that..he is in the military and is also in trouble at work due to his actions.

I feel badly that he makes the poor choices that he does but I can no longer feel bad for HIM. He hasnt learned yet that there are consequences for his actions and most likely never will..also NPD.

My life (and childs) are a ZILLION times better without him in it, but a part of me still has compassion for him....compassion that he is sick (seriously) and cannot help himself. That does not mean that I have to accept his unacceptable behavior...it just means that his illness has taken control over his life...and I have NO control over that.

hard lessons learned... I wish you the best!

(((kd)))

No, I don't think you shouldn't care, I think it's always good to care about other people. I think it shows your good nature when you care, even more so when it's someone who hasn't treated you the best. He is the father of your children too, so I think you should acknowledge it, if you cover it up and pretend it doesn't exist your kids might get the impression it's okay with you.

I have the same problem with my ex, and even though my kids are grown, it still affects their lives. It stinks, but it's what we have to deal with. It still bothers me when I see it, I want her to have as good a life as possible, but her decisions prevent that and thats's sad.

I have no problem with my ex self destructing. He choose this life and in obtaining it he tried to destroy my children and I. the things that he has done and the crimes that he has committed in the past 3 yrs. are all unforgivable. what he has exposed my children to is being criminal.

He wanted a life with the whore and he got it, it makes me realize how much I really was holding him together. My children would be much better off he he would just disappear.

My ex and the pcw belong in jail, they traded snitching for jail time, that doesn't make it right.

It's good that your moving on and not self destructing. He on the other hand, is and there may not be much you can do about it. It's okay to care about him, he was your husband and is the father of your children. I'm sure you want to help him but will he except help? He has to want to change. It just might take him a little longer to get it together than what you have, if he ever does. Don't stress you or your kids out trying to figure him out. Hopefully he will come around before it's to late for him. Good luck to you.

I am still in the stage of this whole thing that I want him to self destruct. He continued to do what he did knowing that it was hurting me and so I want to see him feel any kind of pain that he can. Maybe someday when I have gotten to a better point in my life I will not care, but it is still to raw and to soon. So I have to say that you are right in how you feel I am just not there yet.

Having these feelings just shows you are a compassionate person. I doubt you'll completely lose that. :-)

I feel the same way. I don't hate my ex. I'm at the point where I just want him to leave me alone. We have a daughter together. He has cut off contact with her because of some of the stunts he pulled before I filed for divorce. That makes me angry but there's nothing I can do about it. It's his life, his choices.

We were married for a long time and I don't wish him any ill will. He's a super smart man and his talent is wasted on cheating and manipulationg people to get what he wants. I hate to see waste. Mine is a Narcissist too and he will never do anything but what he is doing now. They can't change and will only get worse with age. That's what convinced me to get my divorce.

I have mixed feelings. I was devoted to my husband, but he has turned on me like a mad dog, stealing from me and putting "his" prostitute in my place,,,, and that was for starters.
I think his hooker has dumped him by now. He doesn't seem to understand the reality he has created, he left a trail of pain behind him as he raced behind his impulses. He had been a loved and trusted person, but when formerly devoted friends saw what he was choosing to do, they walked away in disgust and they have kindly extended their support to me. He isn't trustworthy or even lucid anymore, a very loose canon suddenly. It is a shock to all.

I loved him so much, and I had his back with all my heart for nearly two decades, so I hate to see the mess he has made for himself, but he has dug that hole without my sayso for sure, and he must go down.
I don't know what "bottom" (no pun intended!) is for someone in the fog of a sexual addiction, but I bet that strata has the same amount of prestige and enviability occasioned by incontinence.....

How I wish he had chosen differently, or even that he had a choice, but he didn't just burn bridges, he lobbed grenades, and he will have to live in that rubble.
I can't wait to be free of this embarrassing criminal stranger, that odd to realize, I once loved with all my heart. I can't bear being tied to this repulsive stranger any more. NEVER imagined I would EVER feel that way about adored husband, but I don't know this guy, and I don't want to either.
Wish i had never known him, but failing that, hope to be rid of him for good in about six weeks. I hope to never see him again, and I think not having children together will make that possible...

kd, he is an adult, he makes his own decisions. good people are caring people. you need to stay focused on your life. he needs to take care of his own. xoxoxoxoxo

Recently it came to a point where I had to stop watching. It's like a bad train wreck. My ex is now trying to convince everyone that she is so much happier. So much so, that it is obvious she is not. But, she made her choices. I have tried to cut her out. And, I am noticing that most of our mutual friends are starting to cut her out as well. Maybe someday she'll see what she did. But, I can't hang around to watch...

Neither should you.

Move on.

Kd - you shouldn't feel bad about it at all. He is going to have to hit rock bottom, unfortunately, to learn a lesson. They all need to. It is sad b/c as the father/mother of our children, we don't want to see that happen, for the kids sake. I still have strong feelings for my STBX but I know that the only way she's ever going to fully realize how horrible she treated me is for the same thing to happen to her and maybe then some.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you have to kind of pay attention from afar for your kids sake, but at the same time, don't step in and try to save him, let him live out the effects of his own horrible choices and pray he learns from the mistakes.

Mine self-destructed pretty bad as well. Suicide attempts. Luckily there are no children and I have had no contact with her since the divorce was filed (not final) 18 months ago.

For me, it touches me that I hear of such things, but I have let go. She is responsible for her own existence.