This was the weekend we were suppose to go to Vienna. We made so many plans for trips together. Not just months but years of plans. Its hard to comprehend that that part of my life is over. I miss his voice and the silly things we use to do. But I realise I missed the man who didnt really exist. I miss the person he sometimes was...the fantasy. The actual man was cruel and heartless who only cared about his needs. All I was good for was cleaning his house and giving him sex. Now I am no longer needed nor wanted. Thrown away like trash (he actually agreed with that statement) I never realised how lonely I actually was. My soon to be ex did whatever he wanted without a thought or care in the world to my feelings and the sad thing is I let him. I let him walk all over me and belittle and criticize everything I did. I thought the trips/ fancy meals and gifts were enough. But they werent. I wanted respect and digity. At the end I knew he had neither when he looked me in the face and called me stupid. Or tell me that I could stay in our "home" and he will do his thing and I will do mine and he is single. The humiliatation/shame and pain I felt and still feel at times is huge. The only brave thing I did was pack my bags and leave. Even though I am broken I wont allow this to happen to me anymore.