OK your x is your manager. Your friend of 25 years hooks up with your x. So why is he coming after you?

Jim, I am so very sorry you are being put through even further trauma and fallout as a result of your "supposed" friends behaviour.

It seems as though he will stop at nothing to get at you, which just seems to be such an incredible betrayal of your trust in him as a friend.

I am afraid your ex's reaction and behaviour really does show you where her allegiance lies, and very sadly for your sake it is definitely not with you. I am so sorry this has hurt you even further, but hopefully it can help you to move on and let go of any hope in getting her back.

Sadly neither of them seem to appreciate all the good things you have done for them, and that really has to add salt into the wound. I hope you can find some support from some of your other staff.

I really pray that the DOL ruling does not go in his favour because from the sound of things he does not deserve it, but sadly things do not always go the way we want them to. Hopefully sometime in life he will get his comeuppance for having used and abused his friendship with you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. This has to be such a very bitter pill to swallow on top of everything else he has done!!

this is awful - I hate injustice like this.

I keep reading how much pain you are in - frankly I would kill to have a guy care about me the way you do about her.

Please start making moves so that you can fire her - get her out of your life - she is only hurting you and your business more and more. I know you need her at the moment - but you need a risk assessment and you need to replace her immediatly. IMMEDIATELY!!

a fine specimen of a woman, isn't she? her husband is under the gun and she runs for the hills and takes up with another dude, your best friend. yep, a real piece of work.

as for the labor issue, good luck with it, jim. i know of tons of small businesses that have often been in violation of labor laws, especially overtime, but have gotten away with it. some businesses just didn't know the laws. i hope it all works out for you.

Sorry about the DOL being in your life right now. As a small business owner, I had my first run-in with that governmental crap earlier this year and it was not pleasant in so many ways. Just like there are abusive business owners, there are also abusive employees - and I learned through the course of my DOL experience that I (as a small business owner) am what is known as "low hanging fruit", i.e. easy to pick (for dollars). Anyway, I know I am getting side-tracked, but just want you to know that I feel your pain when it comes to an employee who was treated well and then does something underhanded and opportunistic.

As for your ex being your office manager, GET RID OF HER. It took me three weeks to get rid of my office manager, to whom I was married at the time, after finding out he was having an ongoing affair with one my married employees - he did a LOT of additional damage during those three weeks, a lot. You don't need her there, trust me. And having her there, if she is your ex, is (at a minimum) way too difficult for you emotionally, and probably disruptive to your business (you may not see that right now), so do yourself a huge favor and get rid of her today.

I agree with what Anne said. Your ex has cut ties and is moving on. The sooner she is out of our life the better. This latest outburst has shown her true allegiance. For you and your business' sake, you had best find an appropriate reason to let her go. Cover your ass with a lawyer.

Your "friend" of 25 years is a snake in the grass skeezer. Would you have done something like this to him? No. You have the moral high ground here. If he works for you, he needs to find other employment also. He has violated your trust. You don't need employees you can't trust. He can also be a detriment to your business. If he is the complainant with DoL you will have to let that play out. If it is him, you can probably bring in the affair to prejudice the complaint. I am not a lawyer, but I don't think it would hurt your case them knowing.

Bottom line; Jim needs to figure out who he loves more, himself (and the business he has built) or the woman & "friend" who betrayed him. My vote is for Jim.

Edit: Sorry missed the "former employee". Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Edit 2: Major Freudian slip, "The sooner she is out of OUR life the better." Should be YOUR life.

I really gotta get some better glasses.:-)

Jim,
I've refrained from posting cuz when I read this earlier, it triggered some huge hairy bad painful feelings for me...not being there when most needed.

My STBX cheated and left me. I had been telling her she was being reckless w/ her new lifestyle and was going to be sexually assaulted. It happened, and I had told her hours before it did that it would. And, what hurts most, is that when she needed me most, she didn't even want me there, so I could be there for her. This is still a deep wound for me.

Even though our circs are entirely different, I feel your pain. Even 19 mos later, I feel the regret and failure for not being there for the woman I loved and wanted to grow old with, when she most desperately needed me and, as her husband (at the time), I should have been there. But I chose to "respect her wishes" and let her go, knowing so well what was destined to happen.

Wow really sorry to hear that. She should have never said that she was sorry that she ever met you. You have two beautiful kids. I hope you hang in there.

I want to thank each and every person who took the time to read my message and especially those that replied. In a time when I feel so empty, it sure helps to know I am not alone and am right for having loved. Letting go of her is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever faced.

I am normally a very strong person so I really don't like who I am right now. I am weak and not much of a father to my kids. God knows I am trying but I'm just not there yet. I don't deal with loss very good I guess. I feel diminished as a man and was told so many things during our late afternoon conversation yesterday that really tore my heart out.... and yet I love her! What the hell is wrong with me? I couldn't even think of being with someone else moving forward. I would never want to go through this pain again. I would rather be alone I think....

Please tell me ways to find a little comfort... even if it last only a minute!

Jim

Jim, sadly, there are no easy ways for those of us who feel. For those of us who cared and loved and feel the loss to the core of our person.

Sometimes, when we are hurt, the little child in us comes out. He/she is hurting bad, and wants to be reassured that everything will be OK. When we tell the little child in us that s/he is weak and wrong to feel what s/he feels, we prolong the pain. Sometimes embracing it, acknowledging that if is not only OK to feel what you do, It is RIGHT to feel what you do, allows us to process through our pain a bit faster, and in a more healthy way.

It Is OK to hurt Jim. You are not diminished at all. You are that much more a man for recognizing it, for facing the fear of pain and loss, feeling it, and not denying/stuffing it or running from it. I see it more as having the courage to face it, even though we know it's gonna kick our asses and leave us on the ground, barely able to move.

Some of the things you say remind me of my marriage...treating her like a princess...revolving my life around making her happy. If that sounds like you, maybe, just maybe, codependency is/was an issue, but IDK.

I can relate to the time you need them the most, and that's when they stick their tails between their legs and slink off. There was a glaring red neon sign saying, "OUR MARRIAGE IS IN TROUBLE" and he still put work, himself, friends, his hobbies, cheating ahead of me. One night, i called him crying, asking him to come to the house and see me, and his reponse was he was going to his buddy's to watch the race. This was after almost a year of being separated and trying to work through his cheating. I asked for a divorce the next day.
Right now you feel like she let you down, but in the end, she is probably an avoider, and when push really came to shove, she caved. My ex is a big time avoider...can't confront a problem head on, ever. He avoided our marriage by cheating. What do I say to that? Thank god he' my ex, that's what.

I am not sure whjat kind of shape I'd be in if not for my friends on this site and few wonderful friends here at home. I love you all

Jim

((((jcolacino)))hugs.I briefly worked at the same company as my ex,while we were engaged.It was very difficult for both of us.When he quit the company, then eventually I did too, it was huge relief.I can not imagine what your going thru.To see her everyday and make major decisions about your company with her.I agree with the others, hire an atty and give her the boot.OBR is correct you need to accept the pain and anger.It is better to acknowledge how you feel and to know your human.Maybe, give her some time off, so you can get things in order.I definitely think its a conflict of interest that she is dating the man that is bringing these charges against you.Enjoy your children, but find some quiet time to cry on friend or family member's shoulder.YOu will feel much clearer of mind after I promise.hugs, and more hugs