when someone says something to you that is disrespectful then doesnt acknowledge it or apologize for it or if they do apologize for it, it is a half arsed apology- they turn it around to your fault- like you can be responsible for their actions.

if someone is doing something to you that you arent sure you feel right with, pretend someone close to you like a dear friend came to you with the same situation. what would you advise them to do?

thats just me. i am sure others will comment. good luck.

I agree with lover. It's when someone tries to make you feel small or less worthy, comments negatively on you or your actions.

Lynne

someone who *consistently* gives you un-constructive criticism.. takes shorts at your self esteem, belittles you, curses at you frequently, makes you feel like everything is your fault ..

one of the biggest signs of it is when you confront them about something that hurt your feelings, they:
A. apologize, but continue the abuse
B. don't apologize and make it seem like you deserved it
C. doesn't acknowledge anything you're bringing to their attention

People feel entitled.

They feel pushed too it.

It isn't their fault.

They're being funny.



I've been called a lot of things over the years, and the Attitude is by far the worst.

The people that know us and we most expect to be kind and supportive, are the most able to use words to cut us.

I didn't for a long time; I didn't realize there was a think called 'verbal abuse'. I just knew how my ex made me feel.

He constantly criticized almost every decision I made. He would belittle my choices in friends, hobbies, even tv shows! He rarely apologized and when he did, he turned it into a backhanded apology (I'm sorry YOU got upset but you know your depression is."). He rarely accepted blame. Even when he cheated twice, he turned it around and blamed it on me.

I read 'The Verbally Abusive Relationship' by Patricia Evans after I separated from him. It was an eye opener. I saw all the things he did: silent treatment, withholding affection/sex, etc. All are forms of verbal abuse. I didn't know this at the time. The book really helped me see that it really wasn't my fault that the marriage ended. I told someone after reading it that I felt like a prisoner on death row who got a reprieve from the governor.

Read the book.

Thanks for all your comments. I picked up the book by Sarah Evans and my husband saw it and he said I deserved everything I was getting. Why don't I just leave? How can anyone else understand when I don't myself.

Hurtingandhealing..wow.. I should read that. It sounds like what my stbx did to me. I thought it was abusive at the time, but really didn't know how the lines of that topic were drawn. Silent treatment (check), Withhold affection (check..and for years on end), no apologies except to say he was sorry I was affected (check..he learned how to phrase it from counselor). My friends, projects, ideas, input not good enough and under criticism (check).. I made the mistake of owning it too long. I frequently had that feeling of "Damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Sandra..maybe you don't leave because the cocoon you live in is familiar to you even with abuse. Many of we older folk have been brought up that unless we are physically abused, than we should suck it up because "we made the bed and must lay in it". Fear of the unknown may keep you from going forward. I was terrified to leave him...my future looked so blank and bleak. But really, you get out there and all the sudden it is like you get your head above water and there is a whole world out there, full of possiblities. We launch our kids out into it, so why can't we just do it too? I started by going back to school... Big hugs to you as you decide what is best for you. I'm not saying the world is a peachy place, but a over a year since I can say that I am glad I got out of not just a cheating husband situation, but a verbally and emotionally abusive one, too.

Hi Sandr58,
I am in the process of getting out of a 17 yr old marriage. I have one advise for you. if you love yourself even a smidgen pls get out of this relationship. Leave before he kills your spirit completely. You are a beautiful person who deserves to be loved for what you are. Dont let anyone let you believe otherwise.

When they are calling you something other than your name or a term of endearment. When they make you feel bad about yourself.

I think it's when someone puts you down and you don't or feel you can't defend yourself.
This is not really a good subject for me to be talking about. So I'll just end it at that.
Sandr58 - Chin Up, Stand Tall, Be Strong

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt

I think communication is key with this...

Cause it depends on "us" too...we are all different individuals...there are somethings that get under our skin...maybe without the other person knowing and then we have to be careful because the other person may not know...

That being said...there are some obvious forms of verbal abuse...tone plays an important part...whether in anger, sarcasm, and or patronizing manner...just my two cents...

Well, I can tell you how I know...
It's when I am home alone, then hear the garage door opening and my stomach drops. That is when I know she's home and going to start with her shit again. It's feeling like you're always walking on pins and needles...

also- comments like, "You're just too sensitive!" will be made to dismiss your feelings about what they are saying. Thus they can validate making critical, cutting remarks on a consistent basis, and if you don't like it? "Your just too sensitive".

there are many variations on what people feel verbal abuse is; and the definitions you will find online say the same things.

to me, some one just saying F* u a time or two, is not verbal abuse, it is a reaction. but someone who continues on with lashing out at another with negative words, slander, and other verbal attacks consitently is verbally abusing someone.

just my opinion