Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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Okay people - I need to ask - how many of you think that this is vengeful?
When me and my stbx got together, he showed me a book that his father had - one that was out of print and very rare. He made a comment about 'the woman I marry will find me a copy of this book'.....and so I did. (Well actually the book was no longer in print, so I called the copywriters and had the book reprinted just for him). I gave him the book and he was happy.
Now we are separated and things were going well (until yesterday when he bounced a cheque to me because of spending a LOT of money on strippers, and refuses to remove my name of the joint credit card)....things are becoming a little bitter from his end, and I have yet to do anything even slightly unfair.
I gave him access to the house this weekend so he could pack up his belongings and I decided to take a 'girls weekend' away. Before I left, I took that book! I know that this will bother him greatly.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is this? (I can always return the book to him, just for now it is making me feel better). All this fuss, and it's over a book - can you guys imagine???
When me and my stbx got together, he showed me a book that his father had - one that was out of print and very rare. He made a comment about 'the woman I marry will find me a copy of this book'.....and so I did. (Well actually the book was no longer in print, so I called the copywriters and had the book reprinted just for him). I gave him the book and he was happy.
Now we are separated and things were going well (until yesterday when he bounced a cheque to me because of spending a LOT of money on strippers, and refuses to remove my name of the joint credit card)....things are becoming a little bitter from his end, and I have yet to do anything even slightly unfair.
I gave him access to the house this weekend so he could pack up his belongings and I decided to take a 'girls weekend' away. Before I left, I took that book! I know that this will bother him greatly.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is this? (I can always return the book to him, just for now it is making me feel better). All this fuss, and it's over a book - can you guys imagine???
Read what you wrote Bam. "he bounced a checque because of spending a lot of money on strippers". CRIKEY! Compared to taking a book, I'd say his actions and lack of decorum have got you trumped by and order of magnitude.
DO NOT destroy that book as you likely will come to a point where you will be comfortable returning it to him. But for now, I'd say you should rest easy with your conscence.
While I doubt either of you is on the short list for a Nobel Peace Prize, I also don't think that your actions are all that awful given the situation your ex has put you in with regards to finances and credit.
Hold on to the book if it makes you feel better. And be prepared to give it back to him as I believe there will come a time when that will make you feel better too.
Harley.
I'm saying taking the book is about a -2 on the 1-10 scale.
His mind is not on the book but on the strippers.
I have not been the vicitm of infidelity, but certainly have been blind sided by passive aggression, which is what you did, IMHO.
What you did was about a 2, I would agree, however it can escalate from there, and it was done only out of spite.
Having said that, I would focus on the proper battles - like getting your name off that credit card....or if you're both on it, cancel it (that's what I did to our 4 shared credit cards).
You need to set boundaries - like he said "the woman I marry will buy this book" it is WELL within your right to say "the man I marry won't be paying for lap dances".
Focus on the issues that count, empowe yourself to set boundaries, and see what you want to do with the marriage from there.
And the fact that this small act bothered you shows your true nature. You're not cut out to be mean.
Bambam, on a scale of 1 to 10, I think this is a 1. If it were me, I would strongly consider selling the book on ebay to reimburse you for the strippers.
Court is adjourned. The honorable Harley residing.
Tisk, Tisk Gaelyn, you should know better.
Now pass me that bananna!