Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Alovetolast 04/03/2017

Days after my divorce -

Day 1 - My ex-wife sent me 3 of my pictures in an email at 2AM. I don't know why, and I emailed her back to let her know she can delete my pictures without sending it to me. I just assumed thatbshe's cleaning her photos on her phone. Then, stupid me, I emailed her about what I was feeling. I want to kick myself, but I feel like I have to.

Day 2 - She texted me at 10PM that my mom has doctor's appointment this Friday. After responding, I told her that I only have 30 days after our divorce to update my benefits, so she needs to get her insurance before I remove her. she told me to do whatever I need to do. I told her that I might not agree with her decision, but I don't want her without insurance. she also fwd a voicemail from our Vet.

Day 3 - Today, I called the doctor's office to cancel My mom's doctor's appointment and found out there's no scheduled appointment. After the Vet appointment for our 4-legged kids, I texted her to let her know about the outcome of the check ups. Now, I'm struggling and keep stopping myself not contact my ex-wife, which is why I'm writing this post. I feel like an addict that I have to do other things to stop myself because I know if I reach out to her again I will go back in my black hole. I don't like the fact that I keep digging myself back up; and in 1 text message, I'm back in my miserable place. I'm back to my delusion that she still loves me and will be back in my life. I'm struggling really bad right now.

vwidow 04/05/2017

I prefer this reality (truth): "Love is strong as death" Song of Solomon 8:6. You can always give up, but it is possible to heal and get on WITH hope.

Alovetolast 04/06/2017

Thank you for all your input and support. I truly appreciate it. Given that the divorce is final, I feel that there's nothing left for me to do, but to steer clear from my ex-wife. Right now, I feel like I've done everything to save our marriage but she really wanted out. And, I love her more than enough to respect her decision. It hurts bad, and it's a constant struggle. I rather go through this painful process than keep someone who doesn't really want and love me.

Visc 04/06/2017

You are doing the noble and the convenient thing by just going no-contact and focusing on trying to accept. I am fighting with everything I have to do the same.
We need to be strong here. Life will smile at us again.
Have you seen this book "Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You" by Susan J. Elliott?
I have been reading the first couple of chapters and it's incredibly useful, incisive and pragmatic. No condescension and a lot of very good information and tips. It helps a lot to see that what you're going through is not unique, in fact it is very standard.

While I'm reading and following the advise in the book, I actually feel optimistic and can focus on the present and immediate future. When I ignore them, I sink into being torn apart by a past I cannot change and a future I dread, while living in a present I actively dislike.

I will try to just keep reading more and letting the author drive me, she obviously can do a much better job than I can at present!

kbbcoop77 04/06/2017

That's a good book, she also has videos on YouTube, a good one on the necessity of No Contact I've watched a few times..

vwidow 04/06/2017

"I should say that love is the kind of warfare in which victory is to the weak. The strong who force themselves to sell bliss for despair are the defeated. The probability is that they will not be able to keep up their self-denying resolutions. While emotions are still vigorous and clamant, that "clean break" which the inexperienced believe in so passionately is the most futile of aims; and even in the rare instances where it can be achieved, it exacts much more in the long run from the renouncer than the renounced."
-The Technique of the Love Affair

justne 04/06/2017

@saroj just hang in there...i remember the moment he said I can't do this anymore we need to breakup...I said I ain't gonna beg you to say...so just go...it was heart breaking to say those words coz that z exactly what I felt like doing...but I really wanted to have my self respect...i know how hard each moment each second can be...when everything reminds you of ur time together all the sacrifices we did etc etc....but just breathe...and take each moment as it comes...i am doing exactly that....i am here coz I think people in the same situation can help you thru...

llightfoot1962 04/07/2017

Wow , I really feel for you. I'm divorced too. I have a daughter also. I realized later how it's a death but the person is still here. I still have anger and bargaining . If she keeps contacting you it must feel like she's still thinking about you and cares. I think we all still care but know the relationship was unhealthy . Time will make it better but It does help to talk , plus you'll have learned how to cope and pick better partners. Do you have anyone to talk to? I can talk vis email if you need a friend, nothing else. I'm not looking for anything from you. I support myself and my daughter. I was a nurse and I might be able to help through a really hard time. I hope it's not against the rules to post an email. I usually don't post my email but something tells me you really need more than just a forum to post on. . My email is barbdugan@optonline.net . Remember we are all worth loving, we all deserve to be appreciated & we all make mistakes .

mirandac 04/07/2017

@ Lightfoot we are suppose to use PM's, every
One has one. Its for the safety of all concerned.

Sometimes people are looking for someone to
Text them that it not a good idea either, this Is
an anonymous site, HUGS

Alovetolast 04/07/2017

Thank you all. I truly appreciate the support and different perspectives you all giving me. I actually like the anonymity this site is giving me. I can just type everything without any filter, and let anybody chime in. I want know the good, the bad and the ugly. I want to learn from everyone regardless of their experiences - abused, abuser, dumped, the a-hole, etc. Treat me as someone who's completely lost and wanting directions.

KCxo 04/07/2017

Fuk do I hear you. The love hate battle. The wanting to make excuses to contact but knowing how stupid and bad it is and going to be there after. I've been there I've done that. And I can tell you I hated and yes I mean hated myself even more after I did it. I felt 10 xworse after I did it because I never got the reaction I wanted he made me feel like even more gutter trash than he had before.

You think it will make it better but honest to god it doesn't. It's this stupid thing inside you, the devil it had to be the devil. You have to stop it at all costs. Talk yourself out of it any way you can. Do absolutely anything you can to not do it.

I write this kinda laughing because I know if someone wrote this to me it wouldn't make an ouche of difference when at the time the urge is so strong nothing will or could stop me.

After on and off 4 years. This time I 'think' I'm better. I hope I'm better. But shut it's only been a very short time, and I'm struggling. But I take it day by day. I fight myself daily. And I try my best to tell myself I'm better than that and that it will get better I just need to give myself the time to let it get better, and not keep putting blocks in front of me.

Rant and rave as much as you like. Shit I know I do and it helps

Good luck

jojored 04/08/2017

@Alovetolast, you're not operating in a vaccum here, your ex needs to do the no contact thing too. I would call her one last time, don't leave a message - actually speak to her, and tell her that no contact is the best way for you to move on and start to recover from the breakup, and tell her to please respect this. Everything else hanging between you two (inlaws, pets, insurance) needs to just fall to the ground. It's not as important as getting better. This is a way to get some finality.

Alovetolast 04/08/2017

I completely understand. I'm trying my hardest to stop myself from contacting my ex-wife. I'm actually using this site to be outlet when I want to reach out to her. I hope you all continue to guide me through this process. I have been considering asking for professional help as well. Not to speed up the process of healing but understand how I contributed to the demise of my marriage. Right now, it's all about what I did and did not do. It's probably painful process, so I'm hoping it will not break me more than I am.now.

Saddivorce 04/08/2017

Some ex's don't love us but rather love the way we were wrapped around their little fingers. It's very hard to cut mental and emotional attachments even after divorce has severed us legally. We love you be encouraged!

bees2000 04/08/2017

I thought about what you said about loving your wife enough to respect her wishes. That is so unselfish. I am sure one day, she will wish she hasn't let you go, you sound so caring. God bless.

Visc 04/10/2017

Hey, ALTL. Just to tell you I'm still here with you.
We're riding this wave together, and we're getting out!
I think we're both doing better than we were just a week ago. Some times it feels like we're not, but then I read the stuff you wrote and I wrote just a few days back and it is obvious that we're moving forward.
Let's just keep at it.
No contact has actually become the standard for me now, and I don't even think about contacting her at all. Fortunately, I think she must have developed the same intuitive knowledge, or was told the same by someone else, as she hasn't written for a couple of weeks now. I honestly think @jojored has a point that it's important to explicitly state to her that you want to go fully no-contact, and that she shouldn't take it personally (and it doesn't really matter if she does right now). I would however advice against a phone call, though. I don't know you, but I lose control very easily when I talk to her, even when I text her. So I'd recommend to write a very short and concise text but DO NOT send it. Leave it until the next day, read it, edit it, then decide if you're happy with it and still do not send it. Wait until the night, and then if you still think it's fine, send it. It should be as simple as possible, just something along the lines of "I think it's best if we don't talk or write for a while, in order to move on from this properly. I'm sure you will understand." or something of the sort.

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