Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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guitarwes 11/02/2009

Since my divorce, I've developed quite the defence mechinism. Its been 6 months, granted not very long but i can already see what it has done to me. I have a very hard time trusting women. I probably let the girl of my dream's get away because she was too gorgeous, Seriously. I guess it's a self esteem issue, but I keep seeing women just "whoring" around and cheating on me...because i guess that's all i ever got with my ex. Up untill recently I still couldent even flirt with a female because I still felt like i was cheating...Lol...

Anyway, I know this is not true. I know there are some amazing, fantastic, awesome....Amazing*again!* women out there (and on these boards =p) that would never ever do something like that. I know this yet i still cant trust.

Is this part of the healing process?
I hope so.

-Wes

deleted_user 11/02/2009

In my opinion it is part of the process. We tend to lump all men and women into the same group..My ex was a doctor..so I really don't care for doctors right now..But you will start seeing more clearly with time. I think about my son's and what good men they are and that helps....Hugs of healing to you.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

yup, it is

lycesq 11/02/2009

I agree - I have a real hesitation about engineers - my sbtx was one!

Lynne

deleted_user 11/02/2009

I feel that way about men. I think it may mean we have a long way to go in the healing process.. It's hard to imagine trusting someone after you were cheated on and lied to. It can be hard to think others will be different. Where are the guarantees? Oh yeah, there aren't any! argh.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

There are undoubtedly women who lie and cheat and use and take and dont have empathy and commit all kinds of nasty things so they can get their needs and desires met to hell with anybody else.

And then there are the rest of us.

I have my moments of feeling the same way, especially when I learn of something really dastardly that another guy has done. It tends to bring up all of the worst feelings and sentiments.

But like you, I know intellectually that all my hateful judgments, and cold evidence that I grip to so tightly at those times is not the entirety of the picture, in fact its but a small part of a bigger, safer picture of the world I want to contineu living in.

I'm not past this stage yet. So I dont know that I'm a good person to offer any advice, but I can tell you what I do. I talk about it to people who understand (I made the mistake of sharing it with people who didnt, but it was a minor glitch to learn from) and maybe most important of all, even in my darkest hours, I make sure I hold a space for the reality that not all men (or women) are like that.

Sort of like "wail all you want tonight, tomorrow's a new day".

JennyMe 11/02/2009

it sounds normal to me, but not all women cheat. I have never cheated in my life nor have i ever been tempted.

give yourself time.

hugs

guitarwes 11/02/2009

Thank's everyone...

I think it may mean i have a long way to go. I'm ok with that, i acctually didnt want to start dating untill my divorce is final...(6 more months!) I guess i should use that time to sort this out =).

I may think this way but i dont think i've lost the hope...I cant wait to find my princess heh =p

guitarwes 11/02/2009

Faithful...

I think the only reassurance i have myself is looking at my friend who are female...and they are pretty amazing women. I think that may be the only reason i keep hope?..Maybe you may want to try to look at the other women in your life...family members..whoever, may shed a little like bro..

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