Well, TML, you done hit the jackpot, There are a LOT of people here who have probably suffered similarly to you. It's been a while for me , but i was a long-suffering type, took me awhile to get things squared away. And even now, I still have my "moments". Keep on talking here, or wherever, it will get better.

Really! I have always been able to rebound......The grief is overwhelming, I lost my Dad and he and I were as close as Father and Son could be and that is pale in comparison to this......the hemorrhaging needs to stop, grief is my constant companion and a very unwelcome guest

Its only been a couple months of living without her here, but a few years of her "not being here" and I find myself feeling the same. I believe Im strong also and dont know why I cant just get over it and move on. Ive never thought of myself as codependent, but Im starting to rethink that....

Kicks TML in ass and turns around awaiting the same kick back...

Is that in the hug book section... can we send a "kick in the ass"?
:)

It took me over 33 years to wake up so don't feel bad. Life can be good.

Lynne

I'll take my kick in the ass!!! Now please. No break up has ever made me feel like this....but the biggest problem for me, I think....is that I am unhappy with myself right now.

I feel boring.....and not young or cute anymore. I'm exhauste!

when I broke up with my ex fiance it took me 18 months to emerge from my emotional coma, another year for the seething hatred for him to lessen then another year to let go of that relationship completely. So yeah, you can say I am a SLOW healer. Love is such a risk. It can heal and destroy all at the same time. But as petrified as I am to open up to someone new again, I am going to do it. I hope you dont take the path of avoiding relationships after this one. Call me an optimist but I think love is worth the pain and risk in the end.

Here's my three points...first to Thrown4aLoop....so true about the whole "co-dependent" thing.....Speaking for myself.....I never allowed many people in, and when I do it's absolute.....but this relationship it's at a totally different level...I'm at a lost. Second point to NotsoGr8.....good point of not feel young, cute etc. does this all distill down to us feel good about ourselves? I don't have the answer.Last point to Crossingtheborder.........how true! Love can be beautiful and yet it can destroy you.....how do we forgive? How do we know if this person really does love us.....I'm in the camp of it's half empty.

I am one strong cookie. But when I break up from my ex, I was totally nut case. It took me by great surprise, why. I am one strong wolf, why behaving like a mice. Literally. I cam along a book, which gave me answers. It is about co-dependecy on another person, plus nature of the relationship during the marriage. Something was wrong in the relationship, this is why it broke. If you think carefully, you may find sign of disaster were there and you may be just ignoring them.

Many times it gets little easy, if we understand the porcess of the breakup you wnet through... Grieving doesn't go away, but understadning things, make you come out it sooner.

Many hugs.

TML67, I so understand how you feel. You have to remember there is no timetable on this type of grief. You grieve as long as it takes--I wish I could say that it will only take X months but no one really knows because everyone is different.

If you aren't in counseling at this point, it may be a good time to go. I went to a counselor for over a year and she helped put me back together again. I also suffer from depression, and I take my meds daily.

As tough as it is, you have to get out there and live life. You have to learn how to be single again--it takes time. Join some clubs, take a class, find a hobby, etc. Keeping yourself busy will help the grief disappear. Don't get me wrong, you will still have some dark days, but you'll bounce back much faster.

Instead of a hug, I'm kickin' your ass up to your shoulder blades with my size 7.5 boot. Now get out there and LIVE!!! That's an order!

And I mean it in the nicest way :)

let yourself detox from the relationship high. we all have to.

you are still the same inside. once you purge your feelings out, you will see that.

as for manic depression, you can ditch that whole thing now too. it is a learned style that can be replaced with a better one.

Welcome to DS. I'm sorry for your pain. Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Your mood can swing from depression to bitter anger. The only thing you seem to think about is what went wrong, can I get him/her back or Ill show him/her. The main theme in your life is How can I feel better right NOW? Here are some suggestions that I hope will help.

1. Friends and Family. I know this may seem obvious but lean on your friends and family. Spend time doing things together, not just talking and thinking about the break up. If this isnt enough, you may consider a support group or counseling.

2. Resist the urge to beg. You want them back but not at any price. At the time it may seem the right thing to do but think about it. In the long run they will lose respect for you. This doesnt mean dont try to work things out. If there is a chance you can work things out, go for it. However, if your partner has made it clear that in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not help and may hurt the situation.

3. Make a change in your life. Find a new way to spend your time. Take a class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything that will make you feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably feeling bruised right now. Find a way to counteract that.

4. Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure. Dont beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them but dwelling on what might have been wont help. It takes two to make a relationship, it also takes two to end one. You werent the only one who made mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of times the things you learned from this experience will make your next relationship stronger, as long as you make the necessary changes.

5. Start Dating. You wont feel like it at first, but dont stay away from other people for an extended period of time. Going out with other people can help the healing process and boast your ego.

6. Dont fall prey to others. There will be people trying to sell you this or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Dont let people take advantage of you while you are vulnerable. If you do buy something, understand that while there is a chance it could help, there is also a chance that it wont.

7. Take up a hobby. Learn something new. There is probably something youve always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it.

8. Dont rush into another relationship. While starting to date can help you feel better, its not a good idea to rush right into another relationship. Take time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up getting hurt.

9. Avoid dwelling on it. I know its impossible not to think about it, but, if you find yourself doing so for an extended period of time, find a way to take your mind off of it. Call a friend; go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that drove you crazy, because there are some. Dont look back with rose colored glasses and only remember the good things. Dont have the idea in your head that if only we were back together I would be happy. Wrong. Wouldnt they have a lot to answer for if you did get back together? Leaving you was probably the biggest mistake they will ever make. Let them dwell on it, you move on!

10. Build your ego. Ive touched on this already but it is very important. Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be anything from getting a haircut to buying some new clothes. You could take a class on self improvement. If nothing else, you should do this: Make a list of things that make you a great person. Dont sit there and tell me you cant think of anything. I dont buy it. Try again. Are you kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix anything? There are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you feel low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so dont let anyone ever make you feel that you arent.

These are some suggestions that helped me through my process as I continue to survive my break up. I hope they are helpful. Good luck *hugs*

My shiny nickels worth

huh, i've been avoiding this site because my ex set it up for me and it hurts so bad to even come here, but i feel like you...my ex and i met in the hospital being treated for bipolar. He has decided he was suffering from mania when he fell in love with me. he decided this when we found out we were pregnant and called off our marriage...we were only engaged at the time then he decided to marry me and admits now it was mostly to just not have me run off with his son...so im suffering from terrible anxiety and depression...i dont know how to make it stop or if it ever will since my life feels so ruined...but it does help to talk...people prone to depression need people most of all...i knew what iwas in for andwas willing to love him thrrough all swings but this is a turn i cannot take..just at least be happy with the fact that you are a true lover and were loyal and didnt give up...everything is intansified for us...the anger, the need for answers, the need for love the devastation of betrayal...i dont know what to tell you except its not your fault and you coul write me anytime at least we may have similar feelings and i'm one willing to deal with the extreemness of what people like us go through