Kaykay19, Welcome, unfortunately to our group. If you spend any time on the forum, you will find many of us have the same issues. I am like you, few family, few friends and not social. I was asked to leave my family about 2 months ago. Now a month in. Based on my wife's actions, I realized we were done, and I filed. It literally hurts my chest to think my family (wife and 2 kids) are living apart.

What I have learned is that this all takes time. Just like grieving a loss due to death, so it is with our marriage. We are breaking apart something that took years to bring together. Now, I even miss her yelling at me. We get used to those inputs, and when they are not there we feel a disconnection.

I have joined up with a singles group to go hiking. Our first event will be on the 12th anniversary of our marriage. Not a fun way to spend it, when you would rather be with the person you love. Perhaps you can look for a group like this to start meeting new people. We need to train our brains to get used to new inputs and let go of the old ones.

It will take time. Hugs.

I can empathize with you, sounds like my 30 year
marriage. Now i get to flounder all alone. I went
total no contact after the divorce and I moved out
of town that i lived in for 30 years.

I do not believe the healing even begins until after
The divorce is over. Before then you are in a financial
and emotional battle with your stbx. There is no healing
with all that plus your grieving.

I would join a divorce care group or rebuilding.org to
help you move thru all of this. I also attend alanon for
my own inner healing, growth and all my issues.

Divorce is like nothing i have ever experienced before.
The grief is overwhelming and takes time to work thru.

All the deep emotions and feelings and If you have
abandonment Issues the whole process can be really
bad on top of the grief. Glad you have a Therapist for
A guide.

It usually takes three years to normalize post Divorce.
Not Caring one way or another what your ex is doing
or not doing Unless it impacts the children. You are Now
hopefully Leading your own Life as a healed single
person or in a new relationship.

I pray for indifference daily, it took me 18 months of no
Contact post divorce to detach from him.

Keep posting on here to help yourself vent and move
thru Your feelings and emotions. Often the uncomfortable
Ones will create anxiety and stress and are very hard to sit
With. You are pretty new at 6 months, i am 2 years post
Divorce and not all the way there yet myself, HUGS

Anonymous112211, when you go hiking you WILL be with the person you LOVE on your anniversary. That person will be YOU!!!! You are taking care of yourself, meeting new people, doing new things because you love yourself and your kids enough to make sure you are strong enough for them. So think of this when you go hiking (and me sitting on my couch eating bon bons and wondering if i should try the hiking thing too).

Kay, like the previous poster said we are in the same position. So many of us that can understand your situation. So many of us going through the pain of letting go and wondering if this is right. See if you can find others who can talk to you or hang out who will understand. This forum is great but there's nothing like talking it out.

Thanks, I realize it is still new, and I have a few very good friends where i live now that are there to support me and keep me going. The Ex was still having contact almost daily for awhile, then I found out the reason he left was because he started seeing a young girl who started working at his company. They now live together, and yet he is still contacting me, not as often, but still contact. It has been very difficult to cut him off, but I made a decision that I would no longer except calls, texts are stop over for lunch breaks at my work. He has never known anyone but me in his life, and has always relied on me for everything so I assume that when he no longer has access to me he will have a coming to Jesus meeting. I am just struggling myself, not able to handle the emotional end of the situation, i can take many things, but emotional pain is not one I can bare, and I am struggling. So I seek out those who have been in my shoes, or are in my shoes...so i know that I am not loosing my mind.

A good read on No Contact

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/no-contact-why-you-need-to-keep-your-proverbial-door-closed-even-when-they-try-to-break-it-down-by-any-means-necessary/

i too had a near zero support group, but don't let that be a an excuse. for me i recently found a group of people to play music with together - we get together for the first time tonight. I read a lot of articles, books, found support groups - most of which was free. i'd be more than happy to share my discoveries with you

Thank u sjs777. Trying to understand his actions and what he did to our life is very difficult. Those around me try to understand but in the end they can't bc they have not been deceived like this. I'm my life I am very independent and have never asked for help, this is all so alien to me but I realized I can't do it alone and I need help. I pray for the day when I wake up and not dread the day to come and the night that I don't cry myself to sleep bc of the betrayal that destroyed my home. I am only thankful that I didn't have children to suffer...however the dogs we shared did. They say lets don't know, I can witness they very much so understand and they suffer as well not knowing why he left and doesn't care to see them. My pitbull still 6 months later layers at the door whinning...waiting...its heart breaking.

i can relate - very much so. i too am very independent and was always everyones rock. asking for help is a strength not a weakness. to make matters tougher i am also a bit of an introvert. i was the last person to ever speak positively of counselling, but it helped me immensely in the early days. i do highly recumbent that a relationship councillor be matched to your needs, for example if you wish to save your relationship make sure they support your desire, if you want advice seek a coach, if you want divorce support - seek divorce counselling or support groups etc. Ive spent thousands of hours reading and absorbing all sorts of relationship psychology and openly share y discoveries - ask away any time

My counselor/therapist is both a shrink and relationship counselor however the x is not willing to participate. Not even for my own sanity to help me with my "demons". So im working the program on my own trying to find the person i lost. He still had contact with me as we are financially tied with our vehicles. I made the hardest decision I ever had to in choosing to now cut all contact. I will not call or txt or respond to his. He has never been without me so now he had to loose me complelty. He walked out, he is with someone who has no idea he was still seeing me in an intimate way. He started a new relationship based on lies and cheating so it's doomed but I will not be his fall back. I'm reading your a badass at the suggestion of a friend. I need to rebuild myself and my self esteem so I can be the healthy and comfortable with myself. How do you handle the weekends? Those are the worst for me. Its me and the dogs...i have gone out a few times with friends but now 40 I am not a party girl. Never really was. That I just destructive behavior to numb the pain. My family is too far, and right now with the debt I'm left with I can't at this time afford to take him off to visit home. So yes weekend and holidays are the hardest being alone with no one but my own inner demons. Lol

I don't have dogs but kinda wish I did (if only I was tolerant of doggy smell, doggy breath, or chewing - I have cats who stink enough and do enough destruction). We have a county park with a dog park within it's boundaries. There are always people inside that park chatting away. I know I often try to start up conversations with people who have dogs when I'm on walking paths. This might be one way to connect with people, especially local people.

Thanks for the suggestion. I don't go to dig parks bc of the breeds I have. They r not vicious but I don't take chances either. No doggy smell here lol. One way to cope with what's going on is I am OCD about cleaning and I clean even more these days. I wish I knew others in my area going through what I'm going though. I still have this stigma of shame:(.

Shame is good subject to talk about in divorce
care And in therapy.

Many feel like a failure during a divorce. The more
you learn about divorce the better for you and the
more settled you will become as a single person.

None of this journey is an easy, its hard and very painful.
HUGS

I thought I was abnormal. Y do i feel shame? I did nothing wrong. I was faithful. I had anger issues and depression problems but I remained faithful. Loving and caring. So u do I feel so much shame and humiliation

Keep talking to your therapist. Depends a lot
on Your upbringing.

Many people see divorce as a failure and are
Shamed by it. You can and do eventually get
Over that part. I did the best i could and i tried
Everything in my power to make the marriage
Work.

CODA/alanon are great programs if you have
Codependent/abuse types of issues, HUGS

Say this to yourself over and over again - "I am enough. There is nothing I can't handle."
Let that be your mantra. Let that give you super powers by saying it over and over again.
In AA they call wallowing in bad thoughts - 'stinkin' thinkin'. Those 2 phrases are like bleach for shitty thoughts. I wish you way more than luck.