Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
November would of made 11 years of me begin in a relationship with my ex. But we broke up 6 months ago, I got pregnant at 17 and we had two kids together. Our relationship has always had its up and down because we basically grew up together at least that’s what I told myself when things went wrong. Since day one it has been a hard relationship because my mom didn’t like him she thought he was sneaky. Almost a year after my second daughter was born we broke up with me for a girl from his job. They love in she around my kids constantly. But like a dummy I kept messing around with him because I was young still in love and thought maybe my mom begin controlling over everything had something to do with why we weren’t together. Not paying attention to him saying oh you will never find another guy like me and other egotistical things. After year they broke up and he was like he wanted his family more than he wanted her. He wanted us to move out together but I wasn’t confident that he wouldn’t go back with her since they seem like such a perfect match and leave me homeless with two kids. He begged until he saw I wasn’t give up and he said he would give me time. One day we were out at a party he asked me to take a picture and I saw a message pop up from this girl. He was oh that just an old friend but dumb me brushed it off. But he always seem to somehow make me feel like he wanted his family more than any other girl he ever talk to and said that if he wanted to leave he would’ve left. And by us living in different households I bought into it thinking it was genuine and real. Almost 3 years later a girl calls me up and tells me how she’s had two abortions from him and how she always thought they were together because he treated her like they were together and they were sleeping together but I didn’t believe her got very defensive like it doesn’t matter that was years ago this is my man he’s change I even wanted to fight her mind you I have never fought before. So probably a year later he started dating another girl saying but that didn’t last long because as always he said I want my family and I believed him. So now we’re on our seventh year of being together and I started to want my family more so I start staying over his sisters house with him and the kids and I like the family time so I took that initiative to you know try to find a house for us to live so we could be a family. So finally find an apartment and we lived together for two years there and during those two years he became someone I just didn’t know or maybe never saw the real side of because I never lived with him. But I want to my family so bad that I overlooked a lot of things always on the phone, password on his phone,etc. About a year into moving caught him on the phone with a girl in and couple months later his car window was broken by this girl as well but she said she was just mad because he didn’t want to talk to her anymore because he wanted to try harder on his family. And since I finally moved out got my family and was loving it I just wanted my family so bad that I endured it. To make a long story short he leaves me for a young girl at his old job who lives down the street from his new job and he has been introduced my kids and moved in with her within a month. Before I found out about the girl which I found out through my kids I begged for him back. He tells me I have given you multiple chances when I wanted my family you didn’t wanna move thing I would get back with that girl. Just making me feel like everything was my fault. Tryna make it seem like I thought I was better than him and that other girls get him and would offer him a real relationship that I never did. I was in a deep depression not eating and stayed in my room for about 3 months.Do you think I would hate him but sadly I still love him and long for my family but I know it could never work because my kids are attached and I know I’m only hurting myself by the end of the day but sometimes I just want it back so bad. A month ago he call me drunk asking for money saying he lost his wallet and I say no but trying to talk him into driving home and stop beginning depressed because he has done this before when we were together. After awhile he come over my house inside we talk until like 12 am and he is telling me how he made an mistake and that he misses me and the kids but I deserve better and that one day I will look back and be glad he left. While we were talking his girlfriend calls 2 times and I dont know it kinda makes me feel like mad and revengeful so I start touching him and ask him to have sex which he willing gives me. After sex we cuddled and I don’t want him to go home and tell him to come over more often he was like I will but it will probably be when I’m drunk. I’m like is that the only time you think of me he like no of course not. And lately I just feel like I don’t care what ppl will think I want my family and I will do whatever to get it back. I wake up crying wanting my man back. But it like after all these years he never married you and he always cheating saying he has a sex problem. Which he girlfriend already has caught him twice talking to other girls I’m like so why are you with her he like maybe she can change me and I thought I would be happy. I dont know I’m to a point I don’t even wanna try agin he was my first boyfriend and first everything. I feel if I couldn’t get it right with him maybe I will never be able to he always find girls that are willing to move in with him right away and be a step mom.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Many hugs to you & I hope that you get the family life you deserve for you and your children.
This is what your children are learning from you both..... How to treat a woman and what treatment women are willing to accept..... It's no good for you or your children
Neither of you are doing the right thing IMHO and this isn't what love is
I would help to nurture a healthy relationship between him and your children and get some help for yourself sweetie
You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and it starts by the way you treat yourself
I know that it hurts right now however living like this for 5 more years would be a tragedy
Big hug.....xo
To answer your questions, first is that it really is easy to be confused and especially while considering the present lagging behavior of this guy. And he may or may never change to a favorable behavior, which is that of a much stronger character. Still you can use all of your faith-based hope to pray that one day you will notice an immediate change in him for the better. Then you have to consider that as he is a younger man, there's lots of years left for improvement. Could take weeks to years or even decades to see a quality change. He in turn chooses this altering work of his soul. What's important is that you don't place him on a mantle until he has sustained some maturity. At that time, you will know if it's worth giving him a try. And counseling with him is a great idea! Bravo to you for thinking wisely.
Next thing to consider is that of the matter with the other young lady & her relationship with your two sweet girls. And this settlement is between you & her. You have every right to speak to her for reassuring you to know that she carefully understands your feelings & desires for the good of your shared children, as it is expected that she will be seeing the girls as they spend time with him. Try to set up a good pattern of thoughts now for how to approach a private meeting with her. And I'd leave the girls away from this meeting too. I really feel that this time is for you & the girlfriend to speak respectively while alone. Surely, follow your first instincts because it is true that the outcome of your plans has much to do with the emotional safety & well-being of your two dear children. You need clear objectives & a clear mind before you talk to her. Start now working on a plan. The significance of what you say should be acceptable and received with complete understanding. Otherwise, if you don't decide to show your true feelings, the girlfriend remains free to choose how she handles your girls. You each only need to connect as a couple while in a positive light to overshadow the dark, troublesome surrounding conditions of this relationship.
Best to you & many hugs!!
Another thing should I still go to his family events they ask me to come as state I’m still family. They tell me don’t be a stranger but I dont know I feel awkward like we are not longer family you guys have to let go of me and welcome someone new that you son chose. He even says yeah just go like I feel he holding onto me but I’m not sure is it out of comfort or does he really care?
He use to get the kids every weekend now it’s becoming less he doesn’t even call them as much. He talking bout moving out but at the same time he said he going help me save while I go back to school. Like I sometimes think is it false hope. Lately I’m tying to let him go and not get to lost in maybes and what if’s because if god wants us together he will make it happen.
If she loves your children, she will keep the peace while they visit their father. And her home should be worthy of your children. So if you are not comfortable with leaving them inside her living area then don't allow it. And if circumstances are that the dad ignores your desires to keep them safe, most likely he is not ready to assume responsibility for visiting with the girls while outside of your watchful eyes.
As for the family events: Fact is that you are a single parent yet you belong to a part-member family. Despite your situation with the girls dad, it is still important for them to get the feel of love & care by visiting within family circles, both sides of you and him, and centering in on family activities will encourage a stronger relationship for all of you. Yes, there will be times where you feel like an outsider. However, regular visits will allow you to draw closer as they consider you as an active member of the family. I'm pleased that your ex is inviting you into family times as well! I imagine that he is sincere and cares for you to blend in with his family. The good of him seems that he does understand that family is the true life of the home. This is hopeful behavior!
I admire your faith in God's will, dear one. Yes, if God wants for you to be with your girls' father then you can expect this to happen. Separate living arrangements is best for each of you under the circumstances, and it is best that your girls see you as a strong single woman with integrity. And it could be that he is attempting to stand on his own two feet & take responsibility. Give him time to adjust to this arrangement. Allowing him to take leadership with making personal choices is best too. As for getting the girls on weekends, perhaps he doesn't have the heart to say that he needs space for now. I don't fault him because I sense that he is making an effort to stand aside for the sake of "pulling his life together." And this does not mean that he is not loving & caring for his girls; quite the opposite. He is searching for the right spirit within. Pray for him to do so, dear one. I will.
On another note, I am at the present not visiting the Breakups and Divorce Support group as often as usual. Yet I may return at a later date. Thanks for understanding. I consider you a wise & friendly person & I deeply hope the best of life to you & your sweet girls.
Many warm hugs to you! Much love & God be with you.
He's not even casual boyfriend material, let along a lifelong partner or a standup dad. Sure, he wants a family, but he's not putting any real substantial effort into it. It's all talk and no action.
You have compromised every fiber of your being for someone who has only done you wrong.
It is unlikely that he will ever change. You need to cut your losses here, do like you said and try to have him maintain a relationship with his daughters, and certainly be concerned if he's having the girls for the weekend at a questionable home. If his family is willing to spend time with you and the girls, great, extended family is so important for kids Be strong, only accept what is honest and proper treatment, and walk away from anything else. Good luck to you.