Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I chose a few months ago to no longer have contact with my ex. We have had to be in touch a few times but that has been strictly by phone/text. When we split up i took one of the dogs and the cat. He kept the other dogs.
I had been going over to the house to see the dogs now and then, usually when I knew he would not be home. When I started the no contact, I quit going to see them even when I knew he would be gone. The reason for this mostly was because I knew he was moving "her" here and she would be living there too. I decided even if I knew for sure both wouldnt be at home, that I would not go over there any more to see the dogs.
I had to be in touch with him tonight about something and he told me that the oldest dog has gone blind in his right eye because of old age. He's fine otherwise and it isnt bothering him and I know the dog probably doesn't "think" anything of it. But, it hurts my heart and I'm crying and I'm missing him.
Whenever I would go see him, he would get so excited and just couldnt stop loving on me. I know he's not thinking "I wish mom would come visit, I miss her".....but still. I have no idea what "her" schedule is so it would be hard to go find a time I would know they were not there.
I know my ex wouldnt care about me coming to see the dogs. It's strictly up to me. Although he wouldn't care, I cant bring the dog to my place for a visit either. I thought I had dealt with these feelings about the dogs when I last saw them, but I'm missing them very much tonight, especially the oldest one. I worry that when he dies I will regret not going to see him.
I had been going over to the house to see the dogs now and then, usually when I knew he would not be home. When I started the no contact, I quit going to see them even when I knew he would be gone. The reason for this mostly was because I knew he was moving "her" here and she would be living there too. I decided even if I knew for sure both wouldnt be at home, that I would not go over there any more to see the dogs.
I had to be in touch with him tonight about something and he told me that the oldest dog has gone blind in his right eye because of old age. He's fine otherwise and it isnt bothering him and I know the dog probably doesn't "think" anything of it. But, it hurts my heart and I'm crying and I'm missing him.
Whenever I would go see him, he would get so excited and just couldnt stop loving on me. I know he's not thinking "I wish mom would come visit, I miss her".....but still. I have no idea what "her" schedule is so it would be hard to go find a time I would know they were not there.
I know my ex wouldnt care about me coming to see the dogs. It's strictly up to me. Although he wouldn't care, I cant bring the dog to my place for a visit either. I thought I had dealt with these feelings about the dogs when I last saw them, but I'm missing them very much tonight, especially the oldest one. I worry that when he dies I will regret not going to see him.
When I decided to break it off, I also decided that I would not see the dogs for any reason. It would just make the situation harder and stretch out the process. At some point, you are not going to see the dogs again, and I don't (and didn't, in my case) see any point in prolonging the affair.
My view on NC is like being a "little" pregnant. There is no such thing. I know pets can be like children, but you need to face the fact that legally, they are property and he could use them as a bargaining chip against you and you have no legal recourse, like you do with children.
Just my 25 cents, adjusted for inflation.
Or.....can a schedule be agreed upon that you could pick them up directly?
I still have some guilt about it, like I abandoned the cats for my new life (I have since adopted my own cat)--but I am pretty much at peace with it now, and feel like it's what I needed to do. I also like Blinsided's idea though, about possible alternative ways to see the dogs--that is an advantage of dogs over cats! I am sorry you are in this situation--good luck, whatever you decide.
What on earth would make you think that??
To me, pets are like children.
I'm with everyone else here. I kept our dog, but he is really my dog anyway and I am a much better pet owner than he was.
Dogs are family. My dog is older and incredibly sick right now...and all I know is, he needs his Mom. Period.
I appreciate NC...I really do...but if the dog means that much to you, then see him.
I cannot go over there. To do that would be to lessen the resolve I already have trouble sticking with. I really don't care what she likes or doesn't like. I know he wouldn't mind. Our split was amicable and he doesn't and wouldn't use the dogs against me.
I just know that for ME, I cannot go over there even if I know neither of them are there.
No one is judging you for your decision.
We love you here and none of us would want to see you regret a decision that you cant take back. Many decisions can be reversed, but we cannot get back lost time with those we love.
Wishing all the best for you and your pup :)