There's no best way or best answer. Sounds like you know it's not okay, so if that's the case, stop. Your grief is justified but the angry text messages are not productive. Seek therapy to deal with your loss. Good luck.

I wish I could give you a solution, because I am having the same problem. I am trying really hard not to hate my soon-to-be ex. I don't want to hate him, because we still have a daughter that we have to raise somehow. The emotion is raw though and the hurt makes it really hard to not want to lash out at him. It doesn't help though, because then he lashes out back at me. I don't want to be angry, but it is hard not to. I am hoping time will heal this, but I don't know. . .

yes Debbie this is exactly how I feel too I try to tell myself to move on and just let it be but something in the mind just tells you otherwise. I hate being that way but can't help it sometimes.

It's actually important to release the anger and not stuff it because its covering up the hurt until you're more ready to deal with it. Taking it out on here will more than likely just cause you to feel bad about yourself at some point.

There are lots of ways to 'move' thru the anger that that don't include any contact w/your wife. Physical activity can help get that anger 'energy' moving. It's definitely in your control. You choose whether you take it out on her or an inanimate object. You can use something as simple as a tennis racket or a rolled up magazine or newspaper & beat the crap out of a cushion. Its important to use words and sounds while doing it. Go out into the woods and yell as loud as you can. This helps physically release the anger.

When you're ready to deal w/the hurt, then you can write her a letter (which you will NOT share w/her). It's called a "good bye" letter and you may need to write more than one. In this letter you tell her why you're mad at her and how much she hurt you. You can also tell her what you will and won't miss about her. When you're done, burn it. You can create a funeral-like ceremony around it.

If you find that you keep choosing to send her angry text messages, I suggest you find a qualified therapist to help you move past your anger. If you don't release the anger in a healthy way, it will make you sick. And it will keep you from healing.

It's part of the grieving process. Grief has two parts: Grief is all the feelings you feel inside. Mourning is expressing the grief outwardly in a healthy way. If you don't mourn, you won't heal the grief. Please know that the stages to grief aren't linear. You may skip a stage, repeat a stage and/or go thru more than one stage at time.

Each of us grieves in our own way and there is no set time frame. So please be patient and be kind to yourself.

~healing hugs~

Being angry won't changed what had happened. You need to forgive and stop punishing yourself. Accept the fact that she is not the one and take baby steps to move on. Avoid contacting her would be a good start. It is hard but it is for the better. Try seeking therapy or counseling, if necessary, you might need to take meds. It is a long journey ahead, take it day by day...

Mytruecolors suggested all the things I have done
vent to your therapist...vent to your friends and family

try not to do it to your STBX ....It just makes the process worse for you in the long run

Two years on, I still fell nothing but hatred and anger toward my ex

But Beautifully I no longer feel ANY love for her...Only contempt

That in itself is truly liberating and allowed me to move on to a new life and be happy

The whole process of Breakup and Grief is absolutely horrible and so long....especially after 19 years of true love and partnership

Anger is natural in this situation, I have been dealing with my own anger toward my husband. If I do have an outburst I tell him what I think of his behavior. I just tell him what I feel. I don't ask why are you doing this, I tell him you doing this is doing this to our lives . I keep it short and sharp and to the point of what I think of him. I don't really care what he says to try to combat it . One he said " I don't want to fight" I said " what fight?! This is factual! There is no fight here, you did this to me and your a jerk ! Plain and simple PERIOD! " to me I have anger and if it slips out m well too bad for him ! . Once I say what is really on my mind for that moment I stop . I don't go on and on. I get to the point . It isn't for him to understand it is what it is . He knows I am moving forward with my life . But he will also know that in my honest opinion he is one messed up man. That's good enough for me.

I feel your pain and am truly sorry....all the advice given here is what needs to be done although of all people I know it's not easy one bit....one thing I do rather than text or e-mail is to write in a journal to get your frustration out. I go back and forth thru the stages myself. Some good days and some bad. I went no contact for almost a month before she reached out to me last week and all that does is put you back at square one so highly advise that once you go there, stay there with no contact. I'm always reassured that eventually we will be fine and stronger for the experience. I know it sucks but we have to do our best to move forward. They left us so it's nothing we did wrong (at least that's what I'm being told to program into my brain).

Best of luck.....

Joejoe is right
No contact is the only way you can begin to heal

and everytime it is broken it does set us back

But it is all part of the process
sometimes it feels good also to tell our Ex what are the facts

but it must not get out of hand and alternative outlets really MUST be your go to and the norm

I have a question, why shouldnt' we send our ex's angry text messages within reason we need to get our anger and they should hear what we have to say, especially if they are ignoring us and cutting us off, why should they get to go free without hearing what they did to us. I'm not saying harass them but within reason they should hear how we feel. It's not fair that we suffer and your ex's dont know or just move on. The example of writing a letter is good but why not mail it to your ex, say everything you have to say. I am thinking about that, and i dont see how burning it or them never getting the letter helps anything.

Thank You everyone for your advice there is a lot to take in. I also have mixed feeling about keeping It to myself and letting them know how I feel. I agree why keep chasing after someone who doesn't want you your only hurting yourself. I also know myself that after you send a message that you feel some sort of satisfaction even if it is only temporary. Very confusing and much to consider but thank you all for your advice.

Toronto & Stub, the purpose of the letter is to help the writer, not make the receiver aware of what they did or how it affects us. Here are a couple of reasons why its done this way.

1. Most of us would (on at least a subconscious level) send it in the hopes that they will 'get it' and see the error of their ways. They won't. But there would be some kind of expectations attached to it even it was just "wishing/hoping." So the sender ends up frustrated & hurt even more.

2. The letter is about focusing on the action and not the outcome.

3. The letter is for our healing. It's a tool to begin to release our thoughts & feelings. It's a way to start the grieving process and start to to get some closure. We can never get closure from the other person. It has to come from within.

4. Sending it could actually give them more ammunition to continue to treat the sender like crap.

5. Burning the letter is symbolic of the author's beginning to release the feelings they put into the letter. It's the beginning of saying good bye like you would at a funeral, except that you are free to tell the person off which most people don't do at a funeral, even when the deceased is an SOB.

And ultimately, I don't know of anyone who actually felt better after sending it. The letter isn't about resolution or getting the receiver to recognize the sender's pain. (That rarely happens.) It's part of the sender's healing process.

I hope this helps.

Yes...I did the letter and burning ceremony...cards and photos included

When I have vented to my ex....Her response was to block me

That just ads more hurt and insult

Also...Be very careful or you can get yourself in legal trouble

Vent elsewhere