Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Right at a year ago, I found out my husband didn't want to be married to me anymore.Long story short.: he wasn't happy with me anymore but instead of talking to me, he got online and found someone else. We live in Louisiana and she lives in Virginia. They have seen each other 1 time but in October they got engaged. We lived in a really awful house. When I first agreed to buy it, I told him if I agreed he would have to do the work cause I dont like that kind of thing and am not good at it. I told him all extra money and time etc would have to go towards doing that. He was all gung-ho about it. We moved in and all work on the house stopped and he was spending the extra money on other things. I couldnt even get him to paint the bathroom. So when we split I chose to move out rather than deal with the awful house. As soon as I moved out he started putting all of his time, money, and energy towards fixing up the house for her. I was devastated about the divorce because I loved and still love him so very much. I'm doing my best to move forward. I'm dating a little and slowly building a life for myself. But it just eats at me. Why is he doing the things for her that he promised to do for me and didnt?How can either of them think it's a good idea to get engaged/married when they have only seen each other once? I don't know when they plan to marry but she is supposedly moving here in July. We live in a very small town, so its going to be impossible to avoid them. And i just dont understand why he didn't talk to me about what he was feeling so we could try and work it out? Why did he go outside the marriage to talk to all these other people, many of whom he's never met? Why wouldnt he do for me what he's doing for her? How do I stop loving him? I hurt so much.
...Then let him screw up his own life.
I think what he's doing is really stupid and they are highly likely to not work out.
You can stay in town and watch his life fall to pieces, personally, I think you ought to find greener pastures. Out of sight, out of mind?
If the divorce isn't filed because of whatever, you can force sale of the house...I wouldn't feel good about that, but hey, your life.
Best wishes.
I'm sorry for your loss and I very much understand that you still love him despite all that has happened. I've said before that the hardest thing to do is to fall out of love with your partner that you've been with a long time. I still love my STBX dearly. It's going to take time and effort, but I think it can and will happen. Unfortunately, moving on doesn't happen just because we want it to. Memories get in the way and you take two steps back every time you take two stepd forward. But you will finally gain some traction and soon you will be taking several steps forward and after that you will be full steam ahead. Good luck!
Truthfully, I think your ex does things (like fixing the house) for himself not for his new love. I think he looks at it now as his home and his alone, so he'll work on it. If he breaks up with his new love, the home will still be his alone. He wanted that fix-it house all along.
As for your ex, he's busy with his new woman in his life and I think it may very well all fall apart. He deserves what he gets. The new relationship he has isn't built on a strong foundation and the two of them deserve each other.
His history is bound to repeat and he will just repeat what he did to you.
AND stop looking at his Facebook, You are divorced and you have no reason to be checking up on him. If you are friended onto him, then unfriend yourself and get off his Facebook and get him off your Facebook. Torture yourself with yummy donuts and not emotionally by Facebook.
I found out through the grapevine when he announced his engagement on FB. I have him blocked from mine. @ Prospero-you have hit it on the head about about his ideal. My therapist says he is Narcisstic. It's never his fault. And the grass is always greener somewhere else. He's already cheated on her. This is the first time in my whole life to spend Christmas alone and I am hurting really bad. Not just because of him-there are other things. When we were first talking about the separation etc-he said he wished there was a way to let go of me without losing me. Thought my therapist was gonna fall out of her chair when I told her that one-LOL. I know I will feel much better when the holidays are over..
I like this... and it probably relates to many of us on here (or, at least, our ex-partners).
I'm sorry you're in such pain after doing so well. It really hurts when the roller-coaster smacks us again, and the holidays is a prime time for the hurt to kick in. Be kind to yourself, and realize all the progress you've made, how far you've come, and keep moving forward. (((((((((hugs)))))))))
christmas!
You also mentioned that you still love your ex.
Do you think you need more healing time before dating?
Try journaling to focus on your feelings vs. reality.
Try a simple pro and con list. Weight what he brings into your life vs. what you want/need.