I have to disagree with you, Mal66. True love is WORK. That is the part that gets so many people into trouble. WORK produces results; illusions do not.

I agree. It can start out and become true love, but it has to be nurtured or it will eventually die. Falling in love is the easy part. Staying in love is difficult. Takes 2 people completely committed to doing whatever it takes to keep love alive. I've personally seen it work in my family. I'll know better next time to pick someone who is as willing as I to do the work.

I used to think love is enduring, never loses faith, bears all things, believes all things; that it overcomes all things..but in today's world it is only conditional, artificial; it is there 'til something better comes along. That we (or perhaps, just me) are a place holder for something of greater value; I am left feeling abandoned, worthless, & rejected - not loved..
I am left with smoke & mirrors, and also left wondering how I ended up here..

I get where you're coming from. But like I said, it takes both people. Perhaps our selections of mates were not wise, or perhaps they changed in a way not compatible with keeping the relationship together. Either way, it takes 2. I truly believe there are good relationships out there for the having. I've seen them. I personally need to do a lot of therapy and soul-searching to figure out why I pick men that are not good for me so that I can be sure to pick better next time.

Being in a bad relationship can make you feel like shit. Been there, done that. But you don't have to live like that. You can change your life to get out of it what you want. Just have to work at it. For me, it's taken over a year of therapy to exorcise the demons from my childhood and dysfunctional marriage. I'm not there yet, but I'm on the right road.

I'm new here...well new to posting at any rate.

Mal, I know nothing about the specifics of your situation, but I will say that your statement is only partly true. It was an illusion...to the individual who made you feel this way. This person wasn't willing or able to put in the work to make true love endure. That or this person was never on the same page with you from the beginning (emotionally immature, or not ready to commit perhaps?) so in that sense, you are correct, about this person, at this point in time.

Where I must disagree with you is that you just made this into a blanket statement. I understand though how your pain can make you feel this way, all too well. We're human - our emotions have a knack for clouding our perception. We have all been there; many of us still are. Take the time to let this pass, and focus on you.

Don't lose faith.

this is all just your depression talking. if you did not have depression, your perspective would be clearer.

"Don't lose faith."
@Technician - I already have..the thought of starting all over again from scratch is frustrating, fatiqueing, and nauseating; I am just not motivated, whatsoever, to focus on me..

"this is all just your depression talking. if you did not have depression, your perspective would be clearer."
@faithful777 - perhaps; I not only feel a sense of lost but also a substantial void..I just don't have an optimistic perspective of anything..

A bad relationship can have that affect on you. Have you tried therapy? I'm in therapy, and it's helped immensely. Totally changed my outlook on life.

Here's my question - and I really need help with this one. How about you "fall in love" with someone, and then you discover all these "things" about them? Say, they don't have any credit, they don't have a bank account, they don't have the best hygiene, a few other fairly important things come to light. What does one do? Try and change that person? Point out all of their flaws and bully them into change? Keep in mind, you have already fallen for this person through the traditional dating channels. These things were not neccessarily kept from you, it's just who the other person is.... What does one do?????????????????

Perhaps some gentle persuasion toward a better dual life together? Everyone has flaws. Have to decide what is and is not a deal breaker. You can't force someone to change, but I would think if your significant other knows that something is really bothering you and they love you, they will change that thing for you. Relationships are give and take. If he won't give on anything that is really bothering you, then you must move on. We are entitled to be who we are, whether someone else likes it or not. You are entitled to find someone you are more compatible with if you can't take him the way he is.

I'm not saying this to be mean, just to offer a word of advice. It always pays to 'look deep BEFORE you leap.' Find out those things FIRST before committing to a deeper level of romantic involvement.

"Have you tried therapy?"

@cheryt - I am in therapy for my severe depression as well as coping with this impending situation..To give you a barometer, I was depressed (not this severe) when things were 'good' in the marriage; my condition has gotten exponentially worse & I had a suicide attempt a couple months ago. I have ideations now; I am at my absolute low point where I feel worthless, undesireable, and rejected - common feelings when one is being 'dumped' but mine feels more magnified.
My therapist has recommended divorce care & soliciting support from family during this time. I know I need to take action to pull myself out of this 'cause I am sinking like in quicksand; even tho I'm not motivated to do anything..

Yes, I agree with what you said about starting over being overwhelming (Im paraphrasing) I felt that too when we started dividing household goods. But after awhile I thought of it as recreating myself and my life....then it didn't seem like a game where you draw a card that says "go back to start."

Sometimes when you are with someone long term you loose yourself. I suppose that is what God intended (the two become one). Now I am on a journey to discover what I like. I no longer have to fit a mold of what my partner expects. It's kind of liberating actually.

((HUGS))