Yes it should and it will be have patience you deserve better:-)

I think there's this idea that we have to remain friends with our ex's--I thought the same thing early in my separation and even told my ex that I hoped we could be friends.

Now, after nearly four years and looking back at his callous treatment and total disrespect he's had for me, I could never be friends with him ever. He doesn't deserve my friendship.

I do admire couples who can do this, but I do think you have to have some distance first to get over your pain.

Sending hugs!

after my wife disrespected and betrayed me there is no way i am going to be her friend. i don't like liers and cheaters as a friend anyway!! im in the same boat bro. hang in there. your not alone.

Sorry you are going through this pain. I agree with hurting - admire couples that remain friends. Maybe it is to recent - let the pain and the hurt settle down and maybe eventually you'll be able to be friends. Stay strong you are not alone!!!!

To stay friends you must be friends, friends don't do things to each other to hurt one another, friends are respectful to each other, they value that relationship they have in the other person and they do things to protect that relationship. When friends do things unintintionally to one another that causes hard feelings they quickly appologize and make ammends, most of those things are minor, things that don't affect the overall relationship and the shared respect. TRY and FRIENDS don't belong in the same sentence..... so was she your friend to start with? I have found out the hard way you can be married, but not friends at the same time. Just wanted to share some thoughts.

It is tough to go through, but trying to rationalize a way to make yourself feel better seldom works, feel the pain, feel the hurt, it will ease with time, and it helps to look at the situation for what it is if you can, now how you percieve it can be or should be or could be....

If you both have kids you both should be civil. My ex and myself have 2 boys. We dont like each other but just talk about the kids thats it. If we didnt have kids I would have never talked to her again.

I agree this depends on whether you have kids together or not (if the kids are youngish dependent). To me, I look at my relationship with my ex, somewhat similar to the one I have with my siblings or my three older brothers. My brothers (all three) used to punch me in the arm, give me snuggies, call me all kinds of names, when we were younger. But I get along with them great now (my siblings/ brothers, who are now pushing 50).

With the ex (whom I have kids) I am bound to him, like my brothers, like family, and I owe it to my family (kids) to be the bigger person, to try and make peace even if I don't always feel like it. My ex is not a terrible person, he is immature (going through a mid life crisis), and does not want me. Thankfully my biological family, brothers, are low drama, my ex, still working on it.

I don't know that I'd label the relationship with my ex as friends, so much as I would, just getting along with family. For my kids sake.

Thank you so much to those who responded. I appreciate your caring so much. I was so depressed that I stayed in bed almost all day. I never wanted any of this to happen, but it did and I am learning to deal with it. I'm not doing avery good job of it, especially with the anxiety and depression I already suffer from. I'm doing the best I can though with what I've got.

Someone asked if we were friends to start with and yes we were. We always seemed to be the best of friends even when dating and in marriage. I always felt we were a perfect fit for each other and we rarely fought or argued. The final 6 months or so, she started becoming distant and we just didn't mesh as well as we used to. Of course she was lying and cheating at that time so I understand.

She really wrecked my confidence and self-esteem. I think that is why it is hard for me to see and really feel the disrespect she placed on me. I think one day this fog over me will lift and I will see things for what they truly are. Then the real healing can begin.

Also, we don't have any children together so that is not a problem. It is possible for me to make a clean break. I just hope I made the right decision?

Bump :)

My ex pushed "friends" on me hard at the beginning. Really, it was him trying to limit the amount of disruption in his life, despite the fatc we had a divorce, because he doesn't like me mad at him. I told him, you're not my friend. We talk because of our son, and we are always courteous to one another, but he's not my friend.
My friends let me vent about about my job, go out to movies with me, ask my son and I to go to fairs, playdates. My friends call me when they need help, or tell me they love me cause I'm their friend. I talk to my friends about dating, etc. I would never do any of this with my EX, and I don't want to. He is firmly in the "father of my son" category. I don't care or want to know about his job or softball (two things he loved more than me) I don't care of want to know about anything he's doing, just send your child support and pick our son up when you're supposed to have him.
Friends? Nah, I got plenty of those...and they are better friends than he ever was.

I'm still having a rough time with this. Mostly I feel depressed and alone. I want to be happy but it's almost like I am keeping myself tied to this pain? I've tried almost everything and I feel a bit like I'm running out of options. I'm just so tired and can't find any joy in my life. :( I hope I can turn things around soon.

My stbx and I were best friends before we started dating. We used to hang out together, talk, go out to the movies, listen to each other so it has been really difficult cause I feel like I lost both, my H and best friend at the same time. I don't think you can really go back to that friendship cause we are not hanging together, we don't talk like we used to, how am I supposed to tell him my secrets or talk about my pain when he is the cause.
Try to make yourself happy, do the things that you like, I know easier said than done, but baby steps, everything that you do counts in the road to recovery. Believe in yourself, believe that things do get better. Stay strong you are not alone!!!

Mine tried the friends routine as well. As far as I am concerned, friends respect each other. He has hurt me so deeply that he obviously never had respect for me and WILL NOT BENEFIT from a friendship.
If you do have children you have to communicate but honestly, you are better off, why hurt yourself like that?

Heartbroken, when our feelings overwhelm us, it is best to just stop and get out a pencil and piece of paper. write out your feelings. then, write two columns: write a list of your problems and write a list of your blessings.

standing back lets us see the big picture.

as for your anxiety and depression, that is your sensitive side. it needs to be expressed. maybe you can start a hobby of painting or drawing or learn a musical instrument.

I understand. I'm trying to remain friends with him, but each time I see him, the pain begins again.

I don't know why we do this.......

Hugs to you HB, as you try and figure this out.