Its ok. Holidays are really bad for those of us who are a bit emotionally fragile. I cried on the way home from my grandfather's house. I saw how my brother is living and it really hurt. He wont be around much longer.

Some good did come from it though. I now see how mental illness is rampant in my family and how I still need help.

You have to take the good and the bad. I know the bad is really bad right now, but there is some good there too. For instance, when you are ready, you get to have all new firsts with someone that isnt an asshole.

Its been three major hoilidays since my divorce and I am finally ready to not spend them alone anymore. You will get there too.

Its ok to break down and cry too. I spent a year in therapy having my therapist pound the fact that crying is a natural human response to an overload of emotional stimuli. You are ok and you will get better. I promise.

I am not particularly well either. I think I am ready for dating again, but I am close to being a total shut in. So... there are crazy cat men. We just arent portrayed that way in the american media.

I guess I would define myself as the crazy ps3 guy. :)

HUGE hug to you! The first holidays are always tough on a person in our situations. I was the exact opposite of you the first year. My son was going with the X and I have no family around, so I volunteered to work, work, work. It does get better even if it is hard to believe. You will NOT be the crazy cat lady that all the kids are afraid of! You will heal and find yourself in a much happier, healthier place. You CAN do this! Hugs to you!

Glad you brought this up :O) I didn't want to be a downer, but Thanksgiving was really tough.

The day started out good, feeling great, getting ready to go over to some friends for a bit. Converations that mornning with the STBX were pleasant, but then STBX habitually tried to kiss me goodbye on the way out.

We laughed it off at first, and ended up hugging... but it hit me hard all day. Why, if you really-really don't care, can't you instantly end a habit like that???

STBX and I arrived home about the same time last night, and after I listened to some of STBX's stories I freaked out and accused STBX of having an affair.

The whole thing got pretty nasty, and it ended by me being sternly told to 'handle the truth' and not try to 'make up stories' to accomodate my shock. The truth is, STBX wants out..wants to be single - period.

Those are little deaths.

Now, this morning we've agreed I should move out as soon as possible. I need to grieve, STBX needs to get me out of the picture - before we both end up hating each other.

I'm very down today. I thought I was being real, then I realize I have still been looking for little flickers of hope. Those flickers are exstinguished now..and the emptiness is miles deep.

Yesterday was rough on me as well. My stbx and I made Thanksgiving dinner together. The reality that it was the last Thanksgiving we will be together hurt like hell. I kept crying on and off all day. Actually I've been crying for over a week now. I know we have to split up but it still is very difficult for me to handle. I guess I truely won't begin the healing process till I move away either late January or early Febuary and until then I will just have to cope the best way I can through talking with you guys, my friends and my therapist. Best thing we can all do for each of us here on DS is to keep supporting each other through our roller coster rides. Especially during the holidays. Hang in there everyone.

Hugs,

Lauren

Lauren..

I think we have a bit of the same problem at this point. Living with the STBX really keeps us in a rut, unable to go through the grieving process. I can't stand crying around STBX and I'm sure it's not pleasant for them either.

I was hoping to wait until after the holidays, but looks like I will have to move things up if I can.

Do you think it will help us both if we get out of the house we share with the STBX? :o/
I'm thinkin' it will...

J - I'm sorry that you had such a tough time - you will not be a crazy cat lady! I always accuse my best friend of that and tell her that three is the limit (she stays in it) - I've got 2 of the little furries.

Holidays are tough - there is no way around that. I had a very quiet Thanksgiving nursing my best friend who just had her cancer surgery. I used to have a huge Thanksgiving with my husband and his family and you know what? I wouldn't go back there.

Mental illness ran in my husband's family and there was inevitably a fight. I can't remember a really good time. The worst was when I stuffed too many potato skins down the disposal (I was always responsible for cooking everything). The disposal stopped up and I remember my sbtx screaming at me. Never again.

This is one of the things I can truly give thanks for. Someday you will too.

Lynne

I was not into it at all this year.

Hey "J",

I hate that you are feeling this way, just know that you are not alone (if that helps). Yesterday, I went into one of my closets, closed the door and literally slid down the wall sobbing and crying.

I did not even cook at all, not even for my kids........we had Carls Jr. for Thanksgiving for the FIRST TIME. My ex and I had planned to spend thanksgiving together.

This really sucks........I feel your pain!!!!! Sorry you are feeling this way

you aren't alone j.... many of us (me included) are experiencing our first holiday alone.. and it's a very weird feeling... i cried alot the last 2 days... it didn't take much to set me over the edge into tears... but now we can say we survived thanksgiving and we will survive xmas... we know what it's going to feel like so we are better prepared ... but it sure does suck!!

biggggggggg hugs of support to you j .. we're gonna make it one day at a time