Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
A couple of weeks ago I finally decided to end an almost 4 yr. relationship because I was no longer willing to take his verbal abuse and two days later his father died. I've been there for him over the last week and he is still continuing with the verbal abuse, even worse, because he is now grieving. Over the last 6 months we have been to counseling for this and read books and discussed it and he'll admit to it sometimes but then deny it other times, but overall nothing changes.
I was so set in my decision prior to his father passing. Now I am feeling like I will be a horrible person to leave him at such a horrible time but he is making this so difficult for me because I have absolutely no tolerance left for the verbal abuse. It is such a roller coaster with him. One day he's the best and the next he is just awful. I am so all set with the unhealthy that he brings to my life.
I have been reading about the stages of grief and am reading a book on how to handle verbal abuse and will be talking with a counselor next week on grief. I love him and I want to be there for him but it's gotten to the point where the thought of even talking to him makes me uneasy because I don't know when he is going to start being nasty and I don't have an effective way of dealing with him. I just don't know how to deal with him right now or what to do....
I was so set in my decision prior to his father passing. Now I am feeling like I will be a horrible person to leave him at such a horrible time but he is making this so difficult for me because I have absolutely no tolerance left for the verbal abuse. It is such a roller coaster with him. One day he's the best and the next he is just awful. I am so all set with the unhealthy that he brings to my life.
I have been reading about the stages of grief and am reading a book on how to handle verbal abuse and will be talking with a counselor next week on grief. I love him and I want to be there for him but it's gotten to the point where the thought of even talking to him makes me uneasy because I don't know when he is going to start being nasty and I don't have an effective way of dealing with him. I just don't know how to deal with him right now or what to do....
I would stick to my decision and move forward, away from the abuse.
That is what I feel in my heart that I need to do, especially because with the grief i don't believe he will be mentally able to put any work towards improving the relationship, but I just keep thinking how I would hate for someone to leave me in such a time of need :(
He won't stop abuse until he gets professional help for a long extended period and he works hard with a professional. If you stay with him he will continue the abuse whether he is grieving, having a great time, or just bored.
Get out of there and don't be his person to abuse. I speak from experience.
For instance, I had to put my dog down in January..just last night I had a dream with him in it, and it got me missing him all over again. I'm not actively grieving, like I was the first week, but there's an emptiness that won't go away, and I imagine it will be there the rest of my life.
So, his grief will stay....however long it stays. The abuse will stay, too. You knew, prior to his Dad passing, that you wanted out. Stay true to yourself.