Hey Broolynn,

When you say obsessing are you thinking about the events over and over in a loop? Identifying your faults? I used to do that all the time. The interesting thing was, it would be the same things over and over (but from a slightly different angle as if it wasn't the same thing, lol). Once I realized I was doing it I strived to boil down the thoughts to the very basic statements that were underneath them.

Once you get to the bottom statements, the loops or obsessing seems to disappear.

I had to acknowledge I was powerless over those thoughts and forgive myself for my decisions or my actions that contributed. One great thing about forgiveness is it is a way to take ownership of our actions but not let them keep us prisoner.

Now days I don't even go into the loops, I just say, "There is nothing I can do about that." Then I usually repeat something like, "I love her, but this is her decision, I care for her life, God loves me, I must be strong." Although my situation is different than yours, maybe it can be helpful.

Life isn't meant to be lived regretting yesterday. Are you like that about everything or just this situation? Also, how do you know you made a huge mistake? Tomorrow is another day and you don't know what lies ahead of you - It might turn out to be the best decision you ever made. Trust yourself.

Good luck.

That's the thing, other mistakes I've made I'm able to move on and learn from them. This is the first one I've obsessed so much about.

I wonder if you are idolizing things too much or if you are treating the situation lk more than that it is - for instance, you recently said he was flirting - that's a sign that he's in a different zone - he sees himself w/others - in the meantime you still feel like leaving him was the biggest mistake of your life? - Even if you made a mistake - obsessing over it seems lk a waste - so maybe you are obsessing w/this mistake more than w/past ones because you keep looking at him or the relationship like YOU MUST HAVE IT - LIKE IT WAS YOUR LAST STOP - etc, etc. Again, if he's flirting w/others - that should tell you that you are too much into the issue and he's not. Maybe you can use that as incentive to be true to yourself and just let the matter be.

The party who doesn't want the break up tends to be too involved while the other person is just chilling - I mean, why? Is it really worth you putting your joy on hold?

What caused you to break up with him in the first place?

I don't know how helpful this is going to be, and others may say I'm crazy, but this helped me......I wanted to move forward and I was really beating myself up for being consumed in thoughts of him. I read in one of my TAO books that the more you resist something the more power it has over you. "If we try to push away our thoughts, they will naturally return." It suggested to give yourself time to just let it consume you. It set me free. Instead of fighting the thoughts and kicking myself everyday for not being free of them. I let myself go with it. It was in that time frame of allowing the feelings, instead of pushing them away, that I began to truly grieve. What if.......what if you really did make a mistake? maybe you need to feel the regret, maybe you need to cry out the loss, maybe there is something there. But instead of trying to figure out how to fix it, just let the feelings find there way and naturally pass. We all make mistakes. What terrible thought is in there that is scaring you. Did you loose your soul mate? Will you never find love again? What is the thought that frightens you? Like LONE BUCK says, find the statement that is scaring you, and re phrase it in away that allows you compassion for yourself and for him. Using your time to obsess on fixing it, will just leave you stuck. Use your time to think about it to figure out why you are so frightened.

Hi Brooklyn: Below is an article with steps to help you break up obsession. Please read it, print it out and follow the steps. It is worth the effort to start to free yourself from something that causes you so much pain. Just click on the green link and it will take you directly into the article.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/01/10/9-ways-to-stop-obsessing

How do you guys get through this? I can't see myself ever finding someone as good as him again.

Why did you break up with him?

I was having doubts. I thought I wanted to move to a new area, he wants to stay here. I thought a guy at my gym was cute. The guy turned out to be nothing, I don't want to move, and I have no more doubts. I gave it six months to see if I really regretted this. I started regretting it in August. I broke up with him in July. I waited until the end of December to tell him I wanted him back so I knew my feelings were real.

Took two more steps back. Haven't left my couch or bed for the last 16 hours

I can relate here. I am in the same boat. Whenever I think I am taking a step forward I take multiple steps back. This feeling sucks and not sure if its ever gonna better. I hate to sound so negative but that's all I am consumed with. I can't wait for the day I start to feel better

My husband moved out a month ago today. I thought things would get better with time but I feel worse today than I did a month ago. I can't seem to stop crying and I can't find the motivation to do anything productive.

I feel like I'm going to explode.I can't eat, sleep, or shower or do anything.

When I feel like that I force myself to the gym and I get on the treadmill. I hate the treadmill. I hate jogging. I'm jog neither fast nor far but the endorphin rush at the end is unbelievable. I almost feel like a functional human being.