Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It's been almost 7 months since my breakup of my relationship of 2 years. I've gone through valleys and peaks, listened to all the usual breakup advice, moved into my own apt(was living with a friend after the breakup), started working out, blocked her on all social media. Yet I keep dreaming of her. I keep remembering the memories of us. The mere thought of running into her in person makes my stomach turn. I get so uncomfortable when I even hear someone mention anything about her. I know time is supposed to help me feel better and it has but anytime I hear any news of her or imagine running into her i get anxiety. I don't know what else I can do so these memories or thoughts won't bother me as much. I guess I'm not over her even though I don't want her back.
I completely understand. It's been six months since my breakup and my anxiety is pretty ridiculous. I don't want to hear about him, or expose myself to any situation where I have the potential of running into him. Sometimes that's inevitable for me, due to work circumstances.
But, I keep asking myself why is this still having such an effect on me? Is it going to get worse? BECAUSE ACCORDING TO EVERYTHING EVER, TIME WILL MAKE IT BETTER. Forgive the sarcasm, just a little frustrated. :)
And I feel just like you, I don't want him back (things got pretty bad), but I'm thinking I'm not over him.
I've been seeing a therapist (cue smarmy voice here), and there may be some issue with feelings of inadequacy, that might be complicating this for me. Like it's not actually him that I'm missing, just feeling like I wasn't good enough. Even though I broke up with him, which is so weird. Have you had a chance to talk to a therapist/counselor?
Also I've learned through therapy that I felt completed with her because of my low self-esteem and she made me feel very valuable.
There seems to be a common thread among those of us that are having these issues - low self-esteem and inadequacy. This might sounds strange, but that almost makes me feel better. That it's an internal problem with me, and doesn't really have much to do with him. It takes a bit of the power away from him/memories of him, you know?
you sound like you're going through something I went through 20 years ago-my college GF of 4 years. In short she suddenly left me with very little warning. Turned into a horrible breakup and it didn't take long to learn she'd moved on. I was leveled. I had decent self-esteem but yes, deep down she did make me feel inadequate in various areas of my life. Just like you my stomach tightened if I heard about or saw her-this lasted to varying degrees for years.
I had the opportunity to take a job that moved me out of state where I was forced to start all over again not knowing anybody. It was kind of cathartic. I built the business into something much bigger over a few years, gained a lot of skills including better self esteem. Then I took a job with a much bigger company which hosted various leadership classes and I was positioned in even tougher situations...gained even more skills. In my free time I started taking some classes and tried dating again.
I'm a slow healer but really shaking up my life like this helped me a lot. You may not take as long or go to such extremes but my point is to start building a new/better you. Dig deeper into the hobbies and interests that you have. You can still allow yourself to grieve but start doing things to move forward into whatever's next in your world.
It never made sense what I was supposed to learn from that truely crappy time but it DID benefit me one way....here, 20 years later after a wonderful marriage of only 3 years my wife stopped coming home. I found out this was planned for quite some time and some terrible things had been going on. Anyway, the experience from 20 years ago taught me that I WILL get through this tough spot....it is possible and from that last experience I'm able to apply those lessons to my current situation. I've been through something horrible but I've done it before, I know the "ropes" and that I WILL make it. You can too. Do all the grieving, therapy and whatever else you need to do but also start putting your future together. Keep looking ahead and believing you'll get there. In time you'll start finding longer periods of time between when you last thought of your ex...little by little you'll see yourself healing and that too gives you a boost in strength. You'll get there but you've got some work to do...now get working on it. :)