Been there,
in my own way. Was with a guy for 8 years. We wanted to spend our lives together.. and it turns out it doesn't work out..

Worst feeling i the world..
It's hard after a long time

in*

I feel that pain as well. my wife of 7 years wants/needs to separate for a while. she's moving to Alaska with our kids in about two weeks while I stay here in AZ. we've been "separated" for about two months now I cant eat much and barely sleep. I'd been distant and cold and unaffectionate for a few years now. I've just been really depressed and really angry, couldn't just let her talk to me about how and what she was feeling. I tell ya this whole thing pulled my head right out of my ass. last night was the first night I was able to pour out my heart and soul to her, but I still feel its hopeless. im not afraid of loosing the love of our children. im just terrified that she is truly and well done with me and it makes me want and plead for death. your not alone in how you feel, we all have the same kind of hurt going on and its important to talk about it, its important to find support in any shape. on here there is some of that. things always seem dark, hopeless even. and the pain feels endless I know, ive lost almost 30 lbs these past two months. my chest has a constant pain in it, and I break down virtually every day. but every day it does get a little bit better and a little bit easier. even when it feels like ive taken a step backwards, it isn't. its all just a process, time will help, talking will help. just keep trying your hardest each and everyday and don't beat yourself up if you slide back.

Oh I'm sorry....it's so horrible to feel that loneliness when you are with somebody. :( I'm confused though....he won't sleep in the same bed with you, why? Because you might want to be intimate? Do you have kids?

Thank you everyone for responding. I’m sorry to hear about your situations or past pain. @growthhurts he won’t sleep in the bed because He thinks we are to have sex all the time. So unless he knows he is getting sex he won’t come to the bed. I am a sexual person just not when I made to feel like that is all I’m good for. I spent time in my life being used and I have overcome a massive amount of pain and heartache in this life and I look at life differently after the murder of my sister and her children. I just want to be happy. I want a best friend. I want to feel safe on those bad days - not called crazy. Not feel used or like I have place. I don’t know it’s hard to explain. I know I have faults we all do. I do make a conscious strong effort everyday to wake up and make my days count now. I just wish that effort could be matched if that makes sense

So is the sex the issue. Or you no longer feel connected to him? This next question is a big one. Do you kiss him? My biggest hang up over the last year was I wanted a hug if I was having a bad day. I would go out of my way for her and her feelings buts that's just it she was always about her and really didn't care about my feelings. a one sided relationship hurts and that is what this sounds like. Sending you a hug because you need it.

Dave1979 I wouldn’t say sex is the issue. There is a mountain of things that have happened in this relationship and the sex has been affected because of it. Drunken night and being called names over the smallest things causes a disconnect. When he is having a bad day I have tried initiating a hug or some sort of affection. The response I got was “get the fuck off of me” - so now a days I don’t know initiate that because I never know when it is so called safe to do so. Thank you for the ((hug)) ☺️

I'm sorry do what you have to do for yourself. I've been going to the gym I don't talk to anyone while im there i just focus on getting thru my sets. It helps. Also walks lots of walks. I hate being alone the funny thing is I was alone for a long time even being married once you can't talk to your friend your lover and its like being trapped you don't know what to do. I always tried to mix it up anything to bring it back. When I married her i promised to fall in and out of love with her for the rest of my life. But that was my choice not hers.

@findingme77 Oh my goodness, I'm SO sorry about your sister and her children!! :( :( :( I can't even imagine. ...

and I understand about you not wanting to have sex with your husband when you feel like that is all he is treating you like you are good for, which isn't fair. You're right, he should not get to call you names or treat you disrespectfully at all and then expect that. How strong you are to have overcome the pain you have went through and you absolutely should feel safe! Have you tried counseling to talk this out? Have you had therapy yourself to deal with the losses of your sister and children?

@Dave1979 - you’re right about focusing on myself. I have started doing that and advancing myself in life. I was forced as a stay at home mom when my son was doagnosed with Aspergers. Lost a lot of me. Fast forward years later. My son is 21 doing A-mazing, working, self sufficient for the most part, respectable, and wanted to become an officer. I worked my ass off during that time to give him a better shot. I lost a lot of me during the time but never gave up. My relationship I would say struggled in the meantime. Something that I forseen and have him an option to leave more than once and he declined saying he was in it for the long haul. - that being said those hard days which were many he spent drinking while I dealt with 50 hours of wrap around a ervices a week, 30 hours of behavioral treatments, numerous psychiatric hospitalization for my son. So I was dealing with my son, and now a drunk and a lot of lonely nights. I never once stepped out on this relationship because I’m a secure woman who knows what she wants in her life. Tried to remain true to who I am. I cooked cleaned, hung his work shirts every morning and had dinner ready so when he plopped down on the couch at the end of a hard day I was walking in with a plate. I wasn’t asking for perfection from this man only effort. So now here we are with an unnurtured relationship and therapy on the way. A place in my heart says it is too little too late.
@growthhurts because those days that I grieved people he spent drinking and I comforted myself. I didn’t turn to anything but God. I wake up every day and make an effort to live the way they did. To be happy because life tends to Humle you in that way. You see a different perspective on life. I don’t know maybe therapy will work. At this very moment my feeling is I wish things could have worked and I’m moving on. Because I’m tired and I don’t know how much life I have left. We aren’t promised tomorrow. I have a world to see! Experiences to be had. Happiness to be obtained. I don’t want to look back at the end and say I wish I would have.

Thank you all for taking time to listen to me. I appreciate you.

Seriously - You are one amazing person!! Total respect!

findingme77

That's Crazy my son is Autistic as well. I had to stay home for years to get him to where he is now. He is 16 and is high functioning but early intervention was absolutely required . I felt like billy madison as I sat thru Preschool all the way thru 5th grade with him. I look back at that time as his growing pains. Now I guess we are having our own. This is to much. Hmm. It's nice to meet another parent who has been in the trenches . Keep up your fight I know I am going to.

That’s crazy, what the f... is he thinking. Why somebody won’t sleep with his wife or girlfriend? I think the problem is deeper than that. Is he ok? I feel sorry for you girl.