Do you know why I believe people fall for the "emotionally unavailable people" (ie the ones who cheat)...have you seen how a cat will chase something and its always out of reach........I think people get hooked on trying to catch them because they are always running away from connection of any kind. Anyway, my phone never rings either lol so I understand how much the loneliness will mess with your head. I don't think being a lying cheating scumbag is the answer but I do understand the feeling. Hang in there.

Please don't give up. I think it's really rude for people to not reply to messages. Certainly no one here can say I don't reply to private messages. If anything they might complain the opposite way, that I reply too much. ;) I just sent you a friend request. I'm very chatty, feel free to send a message if you want to talk.

There are quite enough of 'everyone else' in the world, we don't need more of those kinds of people. What the world does need is you, you're unique and special.

It's okay to have a bad day or two, we all have them. But please, please don't give up.

I can definitely relate! My phone also hardly rings lol and my Facebook might as well be called 'Fakebook" bcuz most ppl don't respond there either. I find more support here on DS than I do in my own neighborhood sad to say. So if you feel that you have nowhere else to turn, at least there is here

Please don't give up, everyone here is ready and willing to support you and help you through this. Please feel free to message me and let it all out - I promise to reply.

There are some wonderful people on this site that have helped each other through some pretty dark times... Reach out to them in absence of your friends replies.

Lots of hugs

Hi Scub: How about another strategy? Maybe give up the dating sites and trying so hard to get another person and instead focus on yourself and treat yourself well. Go to some science museums or some art shows, catch some lectures on books or artists, but don't do it to look for someone, do it because you're doing it for yourself.

It is amazing how attractive someone is that is out there on their own, just living life for themselves and enjoying life and it somehow shows through.

I love a man that can be comfortable to go out on his own to places and if I bump into him at an art show or museum, he tells me all sorts of interesting things he has seen and mentions wanting to show me those things. If you get out there on your own, you will gather confidence on your own and absorb all that energy out there and when YOU later bump into someone, you'll have some great things to tell and suggesting "showing" that person.

Don't give up!!!

Why don't you throw in the towel with the stupid dating sites for now. Everyone knows how hard is to meet that right person anywhere. You don't have to be a nice person or an asshole to feel at peace with yourself. Work at that, even at therapy. Be who you are and hope for that better day to come, tomorrow start with a smile, never know.... what if some beautiful female stranger will smile back.

All wonderful advice
I am also here
So we are listening to you

thanks for the encouraging words guys. night time is my hardest time of the day.. i know im not the only one and i know it could be worse. my job shut down a few weeks ago, so i had to move back in with my parents. im stressed about not having my own place, a job and im missing my kids (her too).

ive been doing fine the past couple of months. been happy, laughing, been real sociable with people every where i go. now it seems like every day that goes by, its gets harder for me to stay this way.
i started writing last night and this is what came out........


Pacing the Floors

I cant sleep at nite not becuz of Fright. I cant sleep at nite, knowing your not in my site.
I Pace the Floors becuz its hard to believe your not sleeping next to me.
When I do sleep, I dream of You, not dreams of the bad, but dreams of starting new.
when I wake my Mind and Heart shake, becuz it was only a dream, or could it be Fate.
I cant sleep at nite, I Pace the Floors.
I go outside and stare at the Sky, and I ask God, Why?
I Pace the Floors becuz I cant say Goodbye.

I SO agree w/ AsTime & broken1!
"It is amazing how attractive someone is that is out there on their own, just living life for themselves and enjoying life and it somehow shows through."
VERY well put AsTime!
I have never been on a dating site nor will I, I feel most ppl on there are FAKE! (Of course the fact that I discovered my husband had an account w/ just about every one of them has had some influence on my opinion here!)
I just don't trust dating sites

I can totally relate when you said maybe you should be a lying, cheating douchebag. I've had many days when I thought, "Jesus Christ, it would awesome to just ONCE not a give F*ck what others think....not caring about my character...not giving a damn if I decide to fail miserably at my job and screw others over in the process. Must be NICE to be about to not give a F*ck."

Yep, I hear you. I have thought that thought many times. I'm over dating for the last few months and no longer have the desire because, quite frankly, my skin crawls at the prospect of someone trying to immerse themselves into my life, my every day, my routine. Ugh. I shared for 12 years, don't feel like it now.

I digress.

As much as I want to flip the middle finger at rules, organization, my moral code sometimes...I won't. Because, and I stand firmly by this: I will not go to bed with something I don't want to wake up with in the morning.

I also stand by "Having integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking."

So, as much as I want to give a big F you once in awhile, I won't...because of my character, my design. See, I do take people's feelings into consideration...I'm NOT a selfish prick...and I never will be.

I just wanted you to know I heard you and you are not alone.

why does it seem like im starting to go backwards? the past couple of weeks seems like its getting harder. i want to text her, i want to call her. why is all this starting to come back?

Most of us can relate to how you are feeling now, Steve...I know I can. One thing I can say, and others on here have echoed it...focus on yourself now and don't worry so much about finding a partner. It will come in time, when its the right time and you shouldn't have to try so hard to make it happen. We generally attract what we put out. So, get healthy in all areas of your life...if you aren't into physical exercise, give it a shot if you are able to...it does wonders for the mind as well.

Also, give yourself a break. Life rolls out how it will and how it does, and it isn't always on our timetable. So until you start getting and seeing more of what you would like, but don't really have any control over? Just enjoy what you DO have and be content in knowing that as much as there is a lot we don't have control over, we can still make positive choices to enjoy our lives with what's in front of us right now. And really, it is about choices in the end. If you start trying to enjoy your life as it is, find stuff to do that you enjoy (which might bring you in contact with others as well)...the other crap will start to not feel so oppressive and depressing and lonely.

Time takes time, and its best not to sit in our shit for too long...its kind of like keeping the drapes closed and the sun blocked out at all times....and finally - never rely on others for your own personal happiness. You, and only you can do that for yourself. Can others bring us happy moments? Absolutely. But you are responsible for the rest. So don't let yourself down, Steve. Grab ahold of what's good and right in your life while your heart is still beating away. Don't take what's good, for granted. ( :

I tried online dating sites for several years and met a lot of strange people in person.

And another thing. What really attracted me to my ex also was that he wore a three-piece suit. He looked so handsome and put together and I melted totally.

Consider that getting a good haircut and maintaining it, shaving, taking a look at what you are wearing each time you go out even when you go to Walmart, going out with confidence that you look good and you're doing it for you, not for others, and when you go out breathe in that air of a new day, a new time, a new fresh start for you, and consider that you've living life for you. Who cares about people on a dating site, get out there in the world.

had me about an hour long cry. it neeked up on me. i just dont know. i have been doing real well the past couple of months. why am i going backwards? every time i feel better, it seems like something happens or something hits me out of nowhere, and brings me back down. im not doing any thing different. why cant i just stay in one place?