Hi, im sorry that happened to you. A big huge and there is always space for new people in our lives. Maybe it will just take some time. Use it to reflect on your own responsibility and issues, if you have been in a series of bad relationships maybe there are things that you can work on yourself. It doesn't mean that the partners that you had were good, but there is always a quote of our own issues that attracts those people. I'm still struggling 9 months after, but getting better and better. :) Have patience with yourself and heal. :)

Hugs to you too... i’m Sorry you are hurting..
I don’t know how I end up in these relationships.. by all standards I am what the call a “catch”...idk why I can’t find a match.
Lol and now it is a poem!

What patterns do you notice in the men you date?

It is not the behavior patterns in the men that she dates that is the issue.

It is her behavior pattern of not being able the dump the relationship once the guy shows his true colors and proves to be undesirable that is the issue.

It is one thing to accidentally pick a bad apple at the grocer. I throw it out once I realize it is bad or rotten. I don't attempt to excise the bad spots or season the apple in an attempt to make the apple palatable. There are more apples - good apples - available.

However, if I continue to pick bad apples (being unable to recognize the good apples), I have to make a conscious decision to bypass the bad apples at the grocers and learn what good apples look like, especially when I am hungry, for a bad apple does not supply adequate nutrition to a healthy body. Whether or not I consider myself a good cook (or a good "catch") is beside the point. I have to be the one choosing my apples, not let the apples "chose" me.

Another point, apples and other food is necessary for sustenance; men - not so much.

I fall for men who exhibit the same behavior as my mother. My
Mother never insulted me, she always told me she loved me, but she did things to me that are complete opposite of love, then she would apologize and play with my emotions, get to me in ways that I couldn’t foresee, promise a stable relationship, promise reliability, then leave me hanging.
Somehow the men I pick recognize my vulnerable spot, feed it, fire it up and then throw me away, just like my mother did. I had quite a few relarionships, but have been in love truly 3 times and they were the worst relarionships of all. The damage was pretty bad.
I am probably
Not attracted to normal men.
I ve been through years of therapy, but I can’t reaolve this issue. Everything else in my life has been fixed, except for this.

Hi Aronia, so sorry for your pain. Please don't beat yourself up. We all make bad choices. We often stay in relationships longer than we should because we really believe things will get better. We believe that with enough love, the bad times will go away and it will work out. It's never a waste, we learn valuable lessons even when it doesn't turn out right. It sounds like you see a pattern and that is a good thing. It will help you to avoid some of the same issues in the future. For now, you may want to take time to just be with YOU. Spend some time being kind and gentle with yourself. Do things you enjoy doing whether it be long walks, dancing, reading a good book, watching favorite movies. I applaud you for working with a counselor and maybe you will be able to work through some of the feelings you have about this relationship so you can heal and feel restoration. I am also sorry that you have hurt about your Mom. There is a good chance that your Mom never wanted to hurt you but was dealing with her own struggles and didn't know how to handle things better. Take it one day at a time, sometimes just 15 minutes at a time. It will get better. You could also consider a support group to talk to people who have similar challenges. Be well and stay strong!

Wow, Aronia you saod something very powerful. " Maybe I'm not attracted to normal men". I think that is a breakthrough. Likes attract likes, in order to attract a healthy and normal man you have to first cast out familiar spirits from your life and genetic makeup. I recently had to do the same thing. Practicing meditation and self-love you can become healthier and attract healthier men. I'm going to try this as well meditating on being attracted to normal healthy men and finding narcissistic unhealthy men to be a turn off. I want to be able to pick up on it naturally and spiritually. I believe people who attract healthy men and women do it naturally it's in their genetic makeup.

Thank you guys so much... for me the concept of “self love” is unacceptable, because I come from a different culture. It is obvious that we shouldn’t abuse ourselves, but self-love sounds very egocentric.
In my culture feeling good about yourself comes from not loving yourself, but being useful and productive to society.

Aronia,

I believe I remember you from years ago, I am sorry this happened. I got married young, naive, innocent and carefree, to my high school sweetheart. As it turned out, she just used me and years later told me she did not love me at all and never had. She confessed also that she prayed for my death on my motorcycle. Hurts like this, seldom heal. We deal with it, and learn to live with it but, it never heals.

Hugs

Can you not love yourself because you are a capable, useful and productive member of society?

I find that when I provide value to society in general, my sense of self worth (self esteem) increases. When I accomplish goals, when I "do good works", my self esteem increases. And isn't good self esteem the basis of self love?

Aronia, self love is not what you're thinking. We are speaking in term of the Law of Attraction. You can only attract to yourself what you put out into the atmosphere. If you have self-love, respect ,and security in your maker you will attract a man on that same energy line. If you have self-doubt, insecurities, and believe that being in a relationship will give you security, you will attract a man on the same energy line. It's a universal law you have to become and project what you want to attract into your life. You want true and Lasting Love, start with self-love and that energy will radiate from you and attract real love. You're not looking for someone to love you, you are looking for someone to share in your love and vice versa