I hope you are in therapy to help guide you during
This trying time.

I call them checked out spouses, i am not fan of
Midlife crisis as an excuse for their behavior. Like
Its a temporary insanity because of their age group.
Thats our own wishful/hopeful thinking IMO

Many times when they are checked out they are
Emotionally checked out and disconnected from
You and the marriage beforehand.

There have been many of us that got the line, I still
love you BUT_____, with a new partner in the wings.
HUGS

that is terrible....people have lost all sense of commitment , loyalty, aND replace them with instant gratification and chemical attraction, that is Not love. love is not physical or chemical...it's the memories built together between two life time friends.

You say you love him, but how about loving yourself enough to expect more for yourself and your child and saying "you know what, I deserve better" and drawing the line?

I may be older, or have more experience, I don't know, but I honestly wouldn't be waiting around while someone goes and explores their options while calling it a "midlife crisis".

You can explore life and create new experiences, hobbies, etc without ditching the family you created as he is doing. He's just selfish and self centered.

It must be awfully convenient for him to do as he pleases knowing he's got you waiting in the wings should he decide the grass isn't greener.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you're finding ways to stay strong for your daughter. It is so hard when our partners just decide that they want what they want. My 23 year partner decided he wants out of our relationship after a three year emotional affair showed him that 'relationships can be built on positivity and fun and enjoying each other.' Of course, she lives 1000 miles away and has an unhappy marriage of her own and two small kids and spends all her time on her phone trying to meet her own unmet needs with my husband. When they met in person, she hugged him forever and told him that he felt like 'home' to her. He told her something felt complete about being around her. I am left picking up pieces of my 23 year partnership with a man I thought was my best friend, the closest thing in the world to me, the one who knew me better than anyone else.

Dandelion, You are right 100%. and I know it. He is having all the benefits of being married without any of the responsibility. But I feel like I have to try... I have a date set in my mind till I'm willing to wait for an answer.
And if he still doesn't know, I'll move on... and I'm talking about literally moving on, living town with my daughter...
But yes, I agree. I should love my self more, but at this stage I can't even begin to explain how worthless, stupid and ugly I feel.
I feel like a failure... Wasn't even capable to keep my husband interested in me. It hurts!

I went through the exact same thing you did, exact same feelings and thought processes. The only difference would be the age (we're both younger) and also we never had children. So, I guess you would have more at risk when considering what to do as far as he's concerned. I'm probably not as experienced in this as others, but I will say that having attraction to others is natural. Being unsure of yourself and the people around you is natural. People grow and change, and when you accepted this man, you accepted every part of him, even the darkness.
But, I know how you feel. Like garbage, unwanted, trash, unattractive. I know because I'm still going through this, and the relationship ended up changing my physical appearance because of the amount of stress that piled up with the stress.

All the same, I ended up leaving.

The decision you make is your's, but only YOU can tell you when you've had enough. Just don't give him complete control over what happens to your family.

Thanks Miek0, It means a lot to know that I'm not the only one.
When my husband told me he was feeling attracted to other people, I told exactly the same! It's human! I've been there, but I knew that I didn't love him any less because of it.

Sometimes I think he is taking his sweet time, that way I end up making the decision to leave, that way he could be single again and guilt free...

I'm so sorry this is happening. I have been there and it's a cold, hard place to be. So many marriages go here because people make the mistake of thinking that love is a feeling. We are attracted to someone because they make us feel good and we say we love them. After marriage feelings change because of day to day life. Love is not a noun it's a verb. Too many don't get that. We have to decide to love even when don't feel like it. That is mature love. I can see that you get this. You are definitely not alone. Don't blame yourself. This is about him and not you. This is a very hard place to be but there is hope. Many couples recover from this and go on to have much stronger relationships. Strength comes from weathering the storms of life. My ex-husband was one of those that was more attracted to others once he got tired of me. I would have worked through it because the decision to love is much stronger than the feelings it can bring. He never did get it. We barely lasted nine years. I have been with my last husband for 32 years. We have been through a lot. There were many times when if I had asked, people would have probably told me leave.. I got very tired of the struggle some days. But what we have now is the picture I always held in my head to use as determination to stay together and make something beautiful. When it comes to love I do not give up easy. I can now say I cherish all that we have been through because it's a wonderful thing to look back on; the good and the bad. We can say to each other"look how far we have come". History is priceless. Too many do not stay together long enough to be able to know that. Life isn't given to us wrapped in pretty paper and a bow. If it was we wouldn't appreciate it near as much. A good life comes from deciding what we want and then doing what it takes to get it. I feel that you understand this. He doesn't now but it doesn't mean he never will.

I agree with all of you. I'm going through my second divorce, and even though was much shorter than the first one, It's being way harder than the first one. I was even more sure this one would last forever. I blame myself for a lot of things, but I agree that love is not a feeling; it's a decision. My relationship was not perfect, but it wasn't bad either, and I thought it would get better if both of us communicated better. Unfortunately in marriage, it doesn't matter what one thinks or wants if the other one does not feel the same way. I think sometimes the problem is not only that we don't love ourselves enough to not put up with whatever situation. I believe that when you love someone, it will ALWAYS hurt a lot when your pushed away—it doesn't matter how much self esteem you have. And there's nothing wrong with trying to make things work out or feeling incredibly sad, as long as you don't stop being true to yourself, respecting yourself and others. And if things don't work out, slowly but surely move on—always loving and taking care of yourself.

I'm sorry for your situation. I too felt like you said "But yes, I agree. I should love my self more, but at this stage I can't even begin to explain how worthless, stupid and ugly I feel.
I feel like a failure... Wasn't even capable to keep my husband interested in me. It hurts!"

This is a road I've been down for many many years. In fact, I'm pretty sure my husband of now 30 years was never interested in me enough to actually consider me as a partner, not even in the beginning. He didn't care for me enough to be honest and decent, or to care about how I felt or even what I did. He was totally indifferent to most of what I did and said. I do feel pretty stupid, looking back. But I was young, had a pretty dysfunctional home as a child, and I picked him because he allowed me that same level of dysfunction in my married life. It was something I was used to, even comfortable with. Not comfortable in that I liked it, but comfortable in that I stayed years and years after I knew it was an unhealthy relationship and I was miserable. Sick, I know, but that's sometimes how our psyche's work. We have to learn otherwise, that we do deserve decency, respect, kindness, empahty, etc. That we deserve the very same good treatment we extend to others.

I hope you can find it in yourself to do what's healthiest for you.