Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So, I left my husband five weeks ago. There have been very few tears. My tears ran dry years ago as my stbxh was a serial cheater over our 25 year marriage. When I left, it was after knowing I had tried everything and knowing that my kids are old enough to be ok. My 16yo daughter came with me, so I am not alone. My stbx has never been one to have friends. He didn't venture out beyond our family except for his affairs. He doesn't have close family. So now he is alone. My anger and bitterness has carried me through the last five weeks of not caring that he is alone. For awhile he texted every morning, and I told him he needs to stop.
Tonight though, I have reached a point where I am sad. My daughter said her dad texted her that he loves and misses her. They text daily, so no big deal. But she said she didn't know how to answer the next text which said, I miss mom, too. I didn't know what to tell her. It made me sad for the first time.
I am not going back to that relationship. I am strong in my commitment to myself and my new life. I am somewhat angry that he is using her to express this. Do I tell him to go talk to a therapist and leave our daughter out of it? But mostly, I'm sad because I do picture him all alone. For 25 years we were together, and even at it's worst we still occupied space together. He made this situation what it is, and has to deal with it, but it is hard for me to not care. I don't want to care.
Tonight though, I have reached a point where I am sad. My daughter said her dad texted her that he loves and misses her. They text daily, so no big deal. But she said she didn't know how to answer the next text which said, I miss mom, too. I didn't know what to tell her. It made me sad for the first time.
I am not going back to that relationship. I am strong in my commitment to myself and my new life. I am somewhat angry that he is using her to express this. Do I tell him to go talk to a therapist and leave our daughter out of it? But mostly, I'm sad because I do picture him all alone. For 25 years we were together, and even at it's worst we still occupied space together. He made this situation what it is, and has to deal with it, but it is hard for me to not care. I don't want to care.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
If I were you, I would let the comment he made to your daughter slide, this time. If it happens again, I would bring it up in a non-confrontational way. It's hard to keep the peace, but you definitely should try your hardest. He shouldn't be offended if you suggest counseling, as it's a huge change in everyone's life.
Understand that he made his bed, over and over. And now he needs to lie in it. It doesn't mean you have to (or should be) heartless. But if he steps over the line again (texting you repeatedly, making those passing comments to your daughter), there is nothing wrong with saying something about it.
This is not only an opportunity for you, but an opportunity for him as well, to start over and have a different life. He's an adult and it's he alone who can better his life, by branching out, making friends, etc.
And lastly, know that you are feeling pity for him. It definitely doesn't sound like you are returning the feelings of missing the relationship and all that. Most people don't like being pitied. Maybe that will help you stop feeling sorry for him, knowing he would probably be offended.
I don't know your entire situation, but from what you've written here, you made the right decision for both yourself and your daughter, and I hope you have a great new life!
It sounds like you've been very strong so far.
I agree with keelyc to let it slide this one time. if he makes a habit of texting that he misses you, etc. through your daughter, it becomes a problem for her as well as he places her in the middle of it all. counseling is a great option. even though he obviously screwed up, he's probably used to talking to you (25 years is quite some time) and feels weird without you around. it's not an excuse for him, but hopefully as he gets his own life back on track he'll understand that you need to - and deserve to - move on with your life.
it's understandable to 'feel bad' that he's alone; but remember that his decisions have led him there and maybe being alone is what he needs to get his act together. while you and he may not be together anymore, maybe he will learn to be a different person so that he can be a great dad to your daughter moving forward. but you should focus on YOU for awhile - you deserve to be happy and to be with someone who makes you feel special and loved. i hope everything works out for you :o)