The dead line was set after years of failure on my part to be a 'man' in the marriage. I let my whole existence be about making her happy. Doing my best to provide for her in the manner I though she needed. Through this, I lost myself and my will to be me. We talk about this often and it was the ultimate act of love in my opinion. I have made great strides in myself in the short amount of time under very stressful circumstances (lost my job in December).

lots of men over work and over provide and lose themselves. lots of women over emote and over nurture their men and lose themselves. both styles only work for a while and then have to be modified.

do yourself a favor and give yourself and your wife a break. you both have been under a lot of stress. let a counselor show you two the easy ways to get your marriage back on the ground, nice and simple, and with less stress.

here's are two ideas too for you to consider implementing:

1. tell your wife that there is a new household rule. both of you agree that inside the house, no insults or complaining is allowed. all insults and complaining must involve both people being outside.

2. start a new rule that you both agree to compliment each other 5 times per day whether you want to or not.

these are two rules that i plan to enact if i ever get married again. looking back over 40 years, i now realize how sacred peace in a home is and how the absence of compliments and the presence of complaints tear down even the most beautiful and strongest of relationships. if we do not deliberately add daily positives, the negatives, no matter how small, will destroy relationships.

sorry to preach. i just care, that's all. good luck. ;)

So you provided for her as you determined. You also said when she wanted a divorce that you "fought her all the way." You face a potential divorce.

I would not go around the house complimenting her 5 times a day as it would irritate the heck out of me and I wouldn't appreciate it and it might drive her further away.

That you are on eggshells and uneasy now means you still haven't learned how to partner to jointly decide on things. I would like you to realize that in providing for her according to how you felt, you personally saw it as an ultimate act of love. But considering a woman's side, it can come across as controlling and potentially disregarding her as a partner, and disregarding her own wants and needs. So she may not see any love in that.

I have to agree with AsTime, as I went through this with my STBX. He had certain ideas of what it meant to be a good husband: worked a lot at work to make good money, worked hard around the outside of the house to make it look good, made dinner most nights for the family. While he felt he was doing everything that he "thought" should be done, what was really lacking and what I really wanted was a partner in child rearing and house maintenance. I never wanted or expected him to work like a dog at work and at home; I wanted a partner to share all of those things with. I wanted to jointly raise our kids, clean the house, make dinner, and to yard work. But he was so set in what he thought was right, including working for a company that treated him like crap, that it ate away at him so he turned to alcohol to self-medicate. Nothing I said or did helped him to overcome his idea of what was "right." And it changed his personality for the worse. I don't even recognize him anymore.

I agree with the others on here that recommend marriage counseling. I really feel this is the only way to get your marriage back on track. Wish mine had worked, but it takes 2 people willing to open their minds and hearts to accepting help from a third party, and to doing things differently.