Its hard getting on the same page after you have been struggling with your spouse. The only suggestion is be the best person you can be for yourself and put your focus into making yourself as healthy as you can be despite what she is thinking and doing because its the only way you are going to get throught the what ifs so if you can....dont even bother saying what if and if you do say it....say what if I decided to wake up and be happy no matter what today......screw the eggshells........walk tall......crunch them until they no longer exsist and make your life yours again while she figures it out for herself.

her way is dangerous. she has shot herself in the foot by threatening you with divorce in June. people do not perform well at the point of a gun. she should have known better than to hit you with such a low, desperate tactic.

she needs a counselor to read the riot act to her. and, if you have been dropping the ball, you need yelling at too.

go see a counselor with her. let the counselor help you two get on solid ground again.

Agree with verne386, navigating this situation is very difficult. Hopefully a counselor can help both of you work towards harmony.

people who approach problem solving by threatening divorce are really at their lowest point but don't know it. the only chance is for the other one to keep their head and take the high ground and lead. in this case, an objective mediator is really the way to go.

the mediator, in theory, has a toolbox of methods and ideas to approach your entire relationship from a purely positive angle where both of you can be super happy both as individuals and as a couple.

if the counselor is some young kid who focuses on feelings and your childhoods, drop that counselor fast. they don't have a clue. find an older one who really knows what makes healthy marriages tick and can show you in simple ways to do it too. :)

as the husband, this is your opportunity to rise to the occasion and not only save your marriage, but to deepen your bond with your wife so that you two can make the marriage of your dreams. she is going to probably be resistant. but, drag her to the counselor anyway.

Is she under the imporession that the June 1st date is set so you two can work on the Marriage? not just sort out some "stuff"?

I guess I just worry that you are using the June 1st deadline as a way to make things work, where she is using it in a different way.

I hope things work out as you wish, but I worry that the perception of this June 1st deadline may not be thought of in the same way by you both.

Chi, she is trying to set him up. that way, on June 1, she can say that he didn't do enough and therefore she can bail out. it is a major power grab.

a counselor has to read her the riot act.

Wellllllll...

Why did she want the divorce in the first place?

What's changed since then?

And I more think that 1 June is just a stake in the ground, and she's burning time until that date.

she is going to have one hell of a time explaining to future men why she deliberately set her husband up for failure instead of rolling up her sleeves to work with him.

deadlines are a super no no and extremely toxic.

of course, the specifics of their problems have not been mentioned. there is a lot of missing information and without it, we can only guess as to good strategies and motives.

do you really think she is going to tell her future potentials what she did to this guy?

good question, Chi. but, if the future men are smart, they will listen to her tale of woe of her past and put two and two together. they will be asking themselves, "if she couldn't work with him, why should i think that she could work with me?"

people can be really creative with how they spin their tales of woe.

Hi WTF: I hope for you, that things work out. Others here have brought up some genuine concerns that I hope you'll consider. I am also concerned about the date and what it means to her.

I also ask that you consider some other things. I'm glad that you realize that she has to want to be with you as much as you want to be with her. If she is determined to get a divorce, she will get it and you will not be able to stop it.

I hope you can look at it and if you are on eggshells right now while trying to sort through issues, I feel it's fear and it's holding back and something to be worked out in counseling . I hope both of you are in counseling to give this a good try to work it out.

I wish you well and the best of luck. Many hugs.

Verne,

Cuz... sometimes you just can't or won't? Most times won't.

Again, the question is WHY, did she draw it in the first place. Another guy? Abuse? We only have 1/2 a story here.

exactly. we don't have specific information. we can only guess in generalities.

one thing is for sure though: her deadline is a power grab.

I think the deadline is a power grab in the sense...hey....Im not happy with something and it needs to change fast or im gone because I cant tolerate it anymore. some people can only tolerate specific types of behavior for only so long before they need to get away from it in order to be healthy minded people.

life dictates what happens to us and not a husband or wife. They may try but life really makes the decisions and in the end you end up exactly where u are suppose to be in the first place.