How do you believe that when you thought you already found that person and it has now ended? I spent 23 years with my husband. It's hard to believe there is someone else out there for me.

People grow, people change.

The way I see it, my life and my happiness can't be dependent on the presence of another.

If it is, I have work to do and shouldn't be thinking about getting involved anyway.

i read a book about a true story of a husband who committed suicide because of all the things you said and it turned out really bad for that woman and her kids she kept asking why could she have done something you may not hurt anymore but you HURT your family this is a permenant solution to a tempory problem

Commit your life to another cause. Don't lose your life because of your ex. Seek counselling, get some meds to lift you up a bit, and focus on work. Earn and save for your children's education. Build a fund for your kids to help them start their adult life when the time comes. See a Priest and join a Church. If it wasn't for our dam emotions, we could all lead a prosperous life. You have to try to get a grip on your state of mind.

I love the titanic reference. I hope you are ok.

Wow I am in similar situation but we will make it

I hope you've changed your mind by now. Please get some help. If you do this, not only will your children be devastated, but every... single... Christmas, for the rest of their lives will forever be known as the day their daddy took his life. That's a horrible thing to have to deal with. I know you don't want to hurt your children. You doing this won't hurt your ex. She'll look at it as a good thing because she'll be completely in charge with no interference from you. Don't give her that satisfaction. You're better than suicide. Your kids are worth more than whatever you think you'll achieve by suicide. Please get help.

At this point I know I'm just echoing what a lot of others have already said, but I couldn't not say something.

I understand how you're feeling completely, I have been in those shoes quite recently. My fiance and I had been together for 8 years - the week before our anniversary he just up and left and completely DISAPPEARED out of my life. Not one phone call, text, visit, NOTHING since then, after 8 years together. I have the same thoughts about him already moving on while I'm stuck here feeling like there's a hole in my heart. I've had the same thoughts about suicide, and if it weren't for my friends and my therapist talking me down, I'd probably have done it.

I know that you can't understand how someone you love so much, and who said they loved you, could just up and walk away and apparently stop caring. I don't understand it, either. I know that at times, you're so angry you think that you'll 'show her' or 'get back at her' by taking your life, because I've had that thought, too. But the thing is, just like someone else said before me, if might not hurt her one bit. I also know that on the other hand, you think of ending your life because you just want the pain to stop. I completely understand. But I promise, there are ways to get past the pain without ending your life. If you haven't already, FIND A THERAPIST. My therapist is honestly a Godsend, she's helped me see things in SUCH a different light and I'm feeling much better now than I was 2 months ago. Surround yourself with friends who love you and will always be there and always listen. Find activities to distract yourself.

I KNOW the pain you're going through, I KNOW some of the thoughts that are going through your head, and I also know IT GETS BETTER. The only people who will be hurt by you killing yourself, as others have said, are those children - who definitely don't deserve to lose their father, and don't need to view Christmas as a dark time of year.

I know you probably feel pretty alone right now, I know you probably think nobody cares - myself and none of the other people on this forum know you very well, but WE care. Your children care. Please, please reconsider. If you need to talk things out, to vent, feel free to message me, I'm more than happy to listen. But please don't end it over something like this.

Please don't do anything stupid dude. I am reading your letter with tears coming down my face. The holidays are the worst, been dreading it for the last month. I can't add anything that all these other people have not already said, but please keep it together.

I hope you are still with us. I know the struggle is real, but you are not alone. As hard as it is we have to believe that it will get better. Please reconsider and always think of your children. I will be praying for you.

Cheezlos, I certainly hope you haven't gone through with your idea. You are LOVED by someone (your kids, your parents, whoever else is still in your life). You are POWERFUL. You are VALUED. Don't give up now. A better life is waiting ahead for you. You've got to believe that and keep moving forward, one day at a time. I don't know where I found this online, maybe even from this site, but it's worth sharing with you:

You have to pick yourself up and make yourself stronger. Don't look at this situation like emotions or therapy. You mentioned you work out? Ok then look at it like that. If you have an injury and have to get back your muscle strength what do you do? You begin to work out softly, giving what little strength you have and slowly over the weeks the strength comes back more and more and more until you are strong again.

But what happens if you don't lift the weights? Or if you give less than you can give instead of giving it all and gritting your teeth through the pain? The healing process either takes longer or is eternal.
Same thing with this situation. We have the ability to do this. We have a little strength now but enough to start doing it. We have the formula to get better. All we need is the discipline, the desire and the patience to see it through.
What's the formula?
1- Exercise daily (not a little run or brisk walk. A gut wrenching, tear jerking, workout twice a day where you go beast mode on your body and leave it all out on the mat/street/gym/etc)
2- Therapy (It works for most but it is not a magic pill.)
3- Self-reassurance using mirror technique. (Be your own best friend. Look deep into your eyes in the mirror and give yourself a peptalk everyday 3 times a day)
4- Healthy eating. Don't over eat and don't under eat. Also eat healthy nutritious foods.
5- NO ALCOHOL (not even a glass of wine here and there)
6- Journaling
7- Scheduled cries. (Not crying to wallow in our sadness. A 20 minute cry when needed and knowing that after the 20 minutes are up it is time to get up and moving on. Stronger than before)
8- NO CONTACT (it is easier with a breakup than with an ex husband where kids are involved, BUT it is still doable. Make sure contact with the ex wife is only when it has to do with your kids. No small talk. No friendly chats. Block her from all my social media and tell her to only contact you when it is about your kids. You need that limitation to get through the pain. The people that hurt us CAN'T be the ones that fix us.
9- Awareness. Be aware of your now. Don't live in the past and live in the future. The past is behind you and there is no going back. Make peace with it. The future is unknown and can't be in your control. Make peace with that too.
The only thing there is for you is the NOW. Be aware of your breathing, be aware of your thoughts, be aware of your emotions and be aware of yourself.
10- SMILE.... even when there is nothing to smile about, smile anyway. Don't talk to everyone about your problems. Show the world how strong you are even if you are not. The world will reflect it back to you and you will feel it. Trust me.
Lastly: Forgive. Start by forgiving yourself for any mistakes you made against you. We all make mistakes. Forgive and love yourself. Then forgive others. Through your forgiveness they lose their power over you. You let go of a weight on your shoulder. You let go of hate and in its place you fill it with SELF LOVE AND APPRECIATION.
Then it will be over.
Get going. Baby steps into a better tomorrow.

Someone else mentioned forgiving your soon to be ex. Forgiveness is. not for the. Other person at all. FOrgiveness is for YOU. You are making the decision to let go
Of the anger and poison inside and allow yourself to heal. You are taking away her ability to make you miserable. You are in control. Life is very,very short. Spend your time on earth being happy .

This is heartbreaking to read this! Please reply to us all Cheezlos and let us know you are ok. God has a plan for you...and being alive and well to have an awesome 2017 is #1 on his list.