It is hurts bc you really loved her. Its one of those things that you know are going to happen and you think you're prepared for it, but its not really real until it happens. I don't know if that made sense. Like when you know you're graduating from high school and leaving all ur friends behind, but it doesnt really hit you until you're actually graduating.
Don't they say that it takes half the amount of time you're with someone to get over them? So if ur together 10 yrs, it should take 5 yrs to really get over it. I don't know how true that is, but you're probably still hurting bc you were w her for a long time and you really loved her. You might just need more time to heal.

Look in the mirror and say, "Gosh darnit! I'm good enough!"
You may feel like you're not doing that great, but at least you have a job. There are plenty of people out here right now that are on their unemployment benefit extensions. *raises hand* I live with my parents too. It sucks. A lot.

It sounds like you could use a rebounder. That guy may have a better job than you, but I bet he has a lot of debt. Looser. Besides, I've seen pictures of you and you aren't bad looking. There are lots of people out there that look a shit ton worse than you. Someone on this board even. Someone with a handle that starts with the letter that comes before H...

Anyway. You are the best you that could ever be! That asshole could never be as awesome as you at being you!

I hear exactly what you are saying, Ya know? Like many who read your post, I am in a similar boat. Little trolls come out of nowhere and cause us to stumble into the funk we may have just begun to climb out of. We think we have armed our heart with resolve, wisdom and time, but there is that little chink in it where an arrow finds it's mark and pops the whole armor off leaving us vulnerable, feeling the old feelings. We just want to feel "normal" again...

I think that hurts most of us regardless of the circumstances. I know that it hurts me everyday that my STBX W fell in love with and started making promises to spend her life with another man before I even knew anything was wrong. It hurt even worse when she chose him over me and the girls.

If she were to ever come to her senses, or get hurt like I did, learn something from it, go to counseling, figure out her behavior, stop sleeping around and fall into a good, honest, solid, loving relationship with someone who wasn't a narcissistic, porn-addicted, overgrown child who treated her right and DIDN'T lie to her or say things just to get in her pants, I'd be happy for her, I really would.

but, since she's content to give her life away to a moron, I guess I'll never know.

Also, I wanted to add that I have no plans on ever calling my sibling-in-laws my "ex" sibling-in-laws. To me, they're still going to be my in-laws and I still plan on keeping in touch with them and being as good a friend as I can. None of them did this to me and they all deserve to still be as involved in my daughters' lives as they ever were.

dadwithhope, its really awesome that you feel that way about your in-laws. good for you!

@Pretty - They are great people and they have been very supportive of me throughout this whole ordeal. They never hid the fact that they thought my STBX's choices were horrible and they told her as much and the fact that they said that, yet still stood by her b/c they love her and they are her flesh and blood made me admire them even more.

I really don't see them accepting the overgrown child into their family the way they did me.

I am not sure and her family has very little information on him. Apparently they seldom hear from her or see her. She has detached herself from them.

Funny how someone would detach them from their support system. I have a feeling that she feels guilty about what she did to me and seeing them reminds her of that as I was close with her family too.

You can run away from the past but you will have to face it soon enough. Sooner or later those demons will come calling and it is usually when you are fighting other things. They tend to multiply and it makes that all the much harder. I guess that is why you need to deal with the past before you look for the future.

I think in her relationships she was always the one to break up with the other person. Funny how that works. Then again, she could be setting herself up for that fall as someday she will find someone who will do to her what she did to me. You reap what you sow.

Who knows. I really shouldn't be stumbling over things that can never be. That is probably why I say that once someone is out of my life like that I am dead to them. It is a lot easier to deal with it when they are no longer around. Then again, dealing with things like that is like running away from your past.

Dear Heave, I am going through the same thing as you are and it does suck. You know the day is going to come, but you are never prepared for it. It's an awful feeling. It almost broke me in half to find out he had someone new when I didn't even know he was dating and only a week and a half earlier he was propositioning me over an email. To know that he made an emotional connection with someone else cut me to the quick. I keep thinking she sees the charming side of him while I had to deal with the controlling, manipulative, abusive person I lived with and loved.

Heave, I am sorry you are hurting.

My stbx already found someone, he moved out of house not even 3 months ago and from I found that she has been around since day 1. What hurts the most is that, she spend time with kids when they are over with him already.

He insists that she is only "friend" and his mother or any of his family have met her and don't know much about her, just kids keep talking about her.

It hurt cuz you are kind and cared about her. Feeling like that just don't erase from mind, not in mine anyhow.

I am learning to tell myself that he does what he does, and though his action hurt my feeling, do not affect my life.

You said, she is the one to break off relationship. That might be her way of dealing with it, so it hurts her less. In the end people care about themselves more than others. Also, it doesn't matter if this new guy is better looking or make more money, you know more often than not, that isn't the case anyhow. Grass isn't any greener other side.

HUGZ

I can imagine how it hurts. I think I'll face it sooner than I expect. The woman who he insists is just a friend, but with whom he spent more time than me being the catalyst for me filing for divorce is still in his life. As we get closer to the final date, he continues to say he loves me, but won't do anything to change it and I see them getting even closer, if that's possible. This woman is going to be in MY HOUSE, I just know it. I think we will handle this the way we've handled every step of it. We'll sink to the bottom for a while then using the amazing strength we've all developed, get back up and keep going again.
So sorry you're feeling bad.

Hi Pirate - long time no talk. I just felt compelled to to you something that is true.
She doesn't "get" to be happy, if she is she's choosing to be happy - and you can too. Your happiness is not continguent on external things; your happiness or unhappiness is a product of your thoughts and those you can control. Peace out Heave - you'll get there.

YOu are right Joan. I tend to float between happy and all the other emotions quite often. In truth, she may not be totally happy. I believe that she feels guilty for what she has done because she has shut out her family, for the most part. Guilt will eat you up in side if you keep it in.

In the end, all things are not on our own schedule and so many things effect the outcomes in life.

The funny thing is that this just confirmed what I had already expected and knew.

Oh well, life is a journey. Too bad my engine has broken down and I have flat tires! LOL