Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I met this wonderful man a year ago who made me so happy. I have never laughed so much or had so much fun in such a long time. Today he left me...everybody got what they wanted...:(
Before I met him I would drop everything when my grown children called just to spend a few minutes with them. Whenever they could find the time for me which wasn't very often. I babysit my grand daughter every single weekend without fail so my daughter and her boyfriend could go out and enjoy their weekend. I loved spending time with her but then it got to where it was expected of me. I felt used.
When I met this man I stopped taking her as much because I finally had a life after three years of being alone. My kids resented me for that. They never gave him a chance. They never wanted to like him. They didn't like the fact that I was living my life and I wasn't there everytime they called.
My son I may have seen for an hour once a week...my daughter I would see when I picked up my grand daughter and dropped her off. They never called, they never came to visit. But they were determined to ruin the relationship we had. For some reason they couldn't stand to see me happy.
It began to take a toll on our relationship. They would call and invite me places and clearly state that my boyfriend was not to come. They began to tell people he was abusive and treated me badly, that he was a liar and a cheater. They didn't want anybody to like him. They did everything in their power to break us apart. None of that was true. He was so good to me. He always made me feel so loved and like the most beautiful woman alive.
My daughter even told me that she never wanted to meet any man I became involved with. So it really had nothing to do with who I was with. She was going to dislike anybody I dated because she was mad because I wasn't there to take her daughter every weekend anymore. It got to the point where she wouldn't even allow me to see my grand daughter when I wanted to.
I am totally crushed today..when I get home from work all his stuff will be gone..I will be alone..just like they wanted! He said he had to go because he couldn't stand that he got between my kids and I. The truth is now that he is gone it will make no difference. They still won't call..they still won't come see me..they still won't have time for me.
My daughter will be wanting me to babysit every weekend again so that will make her happy.
This hurts so much..I don't even think I will call them and let them know I am alone. I so sad..I loved him so much and we were so good together but he didn't stand a chance right from the start...:(
Before I met him I would drop everything when my grown children called just to spend a few minutes with them. Whenever they could find the time for me which wasn't very often. I babysit my grand daughter every single weekend without fail so my daughter and her boyfriend could go out and enjoy their weekend. I loved spending time with her but then it got to where it was expected of me. I felt used.
When I met this man I stopped taking her as much because I finally had a life after three years of being alone. My kids resented me for that. They never gave him a chance. They never wanted to like him. They didn't like the fact that I was living my life and I wasn't there everytime they called.
My son I may have seen for an hour once a week...my daughter I would see when I picked up my grand daughter and dropped her off. They never called, they never came to visit. But they were determined to ruin the relationship we had. For some reason they couldn't stand to see me happy.
It began to take a toll on our relationship. They would call and invite me places and clearly state that my boyfriend was not to come. They began to tell people he was abusive and treated me badly, that he was a liar and a cheater. They didn't want anybody to like him. They did everything in their power to break us apart. None of that was true. He was so good to me. He always made me feel so loved and like the most beautiful woman alive.
My daughter even told me that she never wanted to meet any man I became involved with. So it really had nothing to do with who I was with. She was going to dislike anybody I dated because she was mad because I wasn't there to take her daughter every weekend anymore. It got to the point where she wouldn't even allow me to see my grand daughter when I wanted to.
I am totally crushed today..when I get home from work all his stuff will be gone..I will be alone..just like they wanted! He said he had to go because he couldn't stand that he got between my kids and I. The truth is now that he is gone it will make no difference. They still won't call..they still won't come see me..they still won't have time for me.
My daughter will be wanting me to babysit every weekend again so that will make her happy.
This hurts so much..I don't even think I will call them and let them know I am alone. I so sad..I loved him so much and we were so good together but he didn't stand a chance right from the start...:(
why dont you get involved with other things and continue to have a life of your own? just because a man leaves your life doesnt mean you no longer have the ability to take control of your life - it is your life after all - you can design it however you want to. work on some hobbies - knitting, painting, gardening, etc. take a class at a community college. volunteer full time at a nursing home or whatever interests you. learn sign language. get a part time job. travel.
why not take this opportunity to design your life however you want it? have some balance? that way you and your family wont be entirely dependant on babysitting every weekend. they are used to not having that for almost a year now it sounds like - let it continue. stop letting them take you forgranted. get out there and create a life that you choose. volunteer at an animal shelter. anything! but take control. now is your chance, especially if they are already used to things being a certain way.
best of luck to you. remember - you are in complete control of your life, and thats a good thing. xoxo
iloverufusthesequel - I totally agree with you.
startinanew - sounds like your children need to grow up. they should want to see you happy and live a full life. if they don't, that just means that they are selfish. go out and fullfill your dreams. find something that you can be compassionate about. above all, do not take the grandkids every weekend. use that time for yourself. sit down and talk with your kids. tell them just how selfish they have been and that you will no longer be their babysitter "every" weekend. tell them that you have a life too and you deserve to enjoy it.
Good Luck - keep us in touch as to how things work outl
I am so very very sorry your kids are being so incredibly selfish. I hope and pray they finally wake up to realise just how selfish they are being.
It is very interesting to see how our grown kids react to our divorces. I have 3 kids and I am so fascinated by their reactions to me moving on with my life, sometimes positive and my middle one seems to be in total denial.
screw that. you two need to get some backbone and get fired up !
there are times when a woman has to play Prince Charming and rescue her man. real women do whatever it takes so don't you dare cave in. you two found each other and by jove you have to now earn a deeper love together.
when he packs today, you pack today. when he puts a suitcase in his car, you put a suitcase in his car. when he gets in the damn thing, you get in right beside him.
in the movies, the cowboys rode out in the sunset alone because their women were too stupid to jump on the back of the horse and strap themselves in. :)
Toronto is a great area. I suggest that the two of you go there.
don't you dare wimp out at a time like this !!
we are in this forum because of disasters that happened to us. but, YOU have a real chance of not lettting this slip through your fingers.
when you two move away, you will be better able to construct healhty boundaries with your kids. you can do this. :)
do not accept defeat. let your love with him win, for heaven's sake. i don't care which province that he moves to, you get your butt there with him !
sell your house. quit your job. ditch whatever needs to be ditched but get your butt there with your man.
it is either that or you are going to be an old woman with 10 cats and grandchildren that you bake pies for on Sundays.
screw that. when you get home from work, change clothes into your favorite outfit and jump in your car and go to your man.
love can be easy. just go around everything that gets in your way. :)
YOU are a grown woman, not married, responsible for yourself and no other. YOU are happy and content with someone who treats you well, loves you unconditionally and is there for you! Don't let him go without a fight. And, yes, moving away will be hard, but it is a start for the two of you.
Your children need to learn to live their lives, not yours. You are mom, they are the kids. It took me a while to learn, but tell them that. Don't let them cause you this pain.
I live with my son, but he KNOWS what my goal is and KNOWS that I'm meeting that goal. When I hit it, he KNOWS that I am moving about hour and a half away from him and his family. My daughter is the same. She KNOWS this. My oldest daughter lives 400 miles away so that doesn't apply in this situtaiton. BUT they also KNOW when I go to visit someone, I TURN MY PHONE OFF OR LOCK IT IN MY CAR. I do not answer for them until it is convenient for ME. I do not babysit without 48 hours notice and THEN ONLY IF I"M ASKED, if they assume and tell me I HAVE to babysit, they come home to find me GONE and not home in time to do so. They will not take that for granted. I raised my children, they can raise theirs.
I moved in with my son because my youngest daughter had started to take those things for granted and I needed to put a buffer zone between us (there were a few other reasons too, don't get me wrong) BUT when my son said, here mom, let me help you...I said ok, but ALSO laid down some rules which he and his fiance accepted.
FIGHT FOR HIM! I agree so wholeheartedly with faithful777! Go get him DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN cause this hurt and pain for you. You can love them unconditionally, but there is a point where they need to have some tough love and YOU need to think of YOU!
i once went to a beautiful area called Niagara-on-the-Lake. it is a little town a few miles north of Niagara Falls with quaint shops, the Niagara River near the mouth of Lake Erie, miles and miles of vineyards, and a great area to settle down in after raising kids. Where to find jobs might pose a problem, but I bet that the two of you could find places to earn money. After all, two can live practically as cheaply as one.
You cannot allow your kids to rule your life. Also they cannot just expect you to be a babysitter-on-tap. They have to learn to respect you have a right to a life too.
It may be very hard at first, but in time they will come around to it. If you don't take a stand now, they will walk all over you all your life.
I had to take a stand with my middle son the other day when he just didn't accept that I did not want go on an outing he was planning and he planned to include my ex.
We have to take care of ourselves. We have rights too, and the most basic right is a right to our own lives and our own happiness.
I hope you manage to salvage your relationship with this wonderful man and your kids finally come around to the new reality eventually.
use the "sandwich approach."
1. butter him up with compliments and affection.
2. read the riot act in a tactful way.
3. butter him up compliments and affection.
yep, the rest of us here had disasters that are beyond help now. but, at least we can help you with ideas on how to salvage the love that you and your man have right in your hands. :)
Set boundaries with your kids, you don't have to be at their beck & call. That is up to one person only...that person is you. Seems like this is a great time to start putting yourself first & getting out & building a life for yourself that revolves around YOU.
We all need balance in our lives, balance between work, play, family, social life, and romantic life. You were lonely and you wanted to help your kids so you put out a lot of effort to help. Your daughter got used to the help and when that vanished she and her boyfriend were snippy about it. After all, they lost their freedom and free babysitting! As for your son, that happens when people become adults. They have their own lives. You need your own life too.
I know you're hurting but I think this situation should be a giant cleaning and reorganizing time for you in your life. When someone enters into a new relationship they shouldn't set aside everything in their life for the new person to absorb all that time. People should have other parts of their life that they maintain and do separately from their partner even while in a relationship. When you think about how you want your life to be, where are YOU in it? How do you want that life to be?
Do not go back to babysitting all the time for your daughter now. You need to figure out what you want your life to be so you don't end up the catlady. Is your ideal life being outdoors or doing crafty, arty things? Whatever you do with your time, make your life be about YOU not someone else. Then learn to integrate other people into your life like your kids, grandchildren, and a boyfriend without any one of those individuals steamrolling over you and wanting to be the only center of your world.
I hear a high amount of imbalance in your post. Time to get that sorted.