Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I don't think a lot of people fully realize how important it is for you to be happy with yourself. In a nut shell, this is what has allowed me to come through my separation fully intact. (I'm not saying I don't have my bad days)
I was thinking of the last 7 years of my life. I came to a place where I didn't need a partner to be happy or to provide anything for me. When I met my husband and fell in love I still didn't need him to make me happy. He was just the icing on the cake. So when he went to work out of our area for a few months and just came home on weekends I didn't worry about if he was being faithful because if he wasn't I was still fine with myself. When he went into the Army I didn't worry about being separated because if anything happened I was still fine with myself. So when he called and said he wanted a divorce (after a brief meltdown) I am fine because I am fine with myself.
If you have that sense of self worth there isn't anything to lose in any relationship. Everything you need is within you and can't be taken away. I don't worry about making new friends or dating because if it doesn't work out, someone stabs me in the back, etc., I just walk away and am fine with myself. I guess that's why I have no trouble trusting people. I just offer my whole self to everyone I meet. If you suddenly show me I can't trust you, I'll just be on my way.
I was thinking of the last 7 years of my life. I came to a place where I didn't need a partner to be happy or to provide anything for me. When I met my husband and fell in love I still didn't need him to make me happy. He was just the icing on the cake. So when he went to work out of our area for a few months and just came home on weekends I didn't worry about if he was being faithful because if he wasn't I was still fine with myself. When he went into the Army I didn't worry about being separated because if anything happened I was still fine with myself. So when he called and said he wanted a divorce (after a brief meltdown) I am fine because I am fine with myself.
If you have that sense of self worth there isn't anything to lose in any relationship. Everything you need is within you and can't be taken away. I don't worry about making new friends or dating because if it doesn't work out, someone stabs me in the back, etc., I just walk away and am fine with myself. I guess that's why I have no trouble trusting people. I just offer my whole self to everyone I meet. If you suddenly show me I can't trust you, I'll just be on my way.
I don't believe that because a person can tolerate great period of time away from their partner that it represents a higher degree of self-actualization or emotional health. I understand that value of the spaces between your togetherness...absence makes the heart grow fonder, etc and so on.
But different people enjoy different things, that it is perfectly okay to be and be comfortable that they are the kind of person who would rather not go for very long stretches without your friend and lover. And I don't think that it is necessarily that a person doesn't trust themself to be faithful, I just believe there are some who would rather be more with than without.
I think too much emphasis is placed on the value of being apart in general these days (facebook) and that it may, in some cases represent a deep-seated fear of intimacy...maybe a true inability to effectively navigate interpersonal relationships for SOME because it raises issues that they are not prepared to deal with.
Alone and happy is good; together and happy is good too. Finding the balance...elusive!