Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Now that the initial shock has worn off and the weeks of uncertainty regarding breakup logistics have passed, I think I'm settling in to the depression phase. It's making the urge to break NC stronger than ever! My rational mind knows that there's nothing for us to talk about right now... I don't want to know how his new place is working out, and I'm sure he doesn't want to be faced with my continued heartbreak. I know that talking wouldn't do any good, and that right now the best thing for me is to work on breaking those ties and standing on my own.
But man, it is so hard. The last time that I saw him, he reaffirmed that he'll take his cues on any future communication from me. He's not going to be proactive in this, because he knows that I'm the one with more to heal from and he doesn't want to try to be in my life when I'm not ready for it or if I don't want him to be there. But it's tough having the ball in my court. It makes it that much more tempting to reach out, because being without the constant companionship we shared for years has left such a void.
It's only been a couple of weeks since we last saw each other (when he moved the last of his things from the apartment), so I know I'm still in that tough initial stage. But if you've got any encouragement that maintaining NC is the best thing, I could sure use them now!
But man, it is so hard. The last time that I saw him, he reaffirmed that he'll take his cues on any future communication from me. He's not going to be proactive in this, because he knows that I'm the one with more to heal from and he doesn't want to try to be in my life when I'm not ready for it or if I don't want him to be there. But it's tough having the ball in my court. It makes it that much more tempting to reach out, because being without the constant companionship we shared for years has left such a void.
It's only been a couple of weeks since we last saw each other (when he moved the last of his things from the apartment), so I know I'm still in that tough initial stage. But if you've got any encouragement that maintaining NC is the best thing, I could sure use them now!
I agree with fruitpi. I haven't been successful at keeping NC until recently but the #1 thing that helped until my most recent setback was writing email drafts. I would write it as if I was going to send it but I wouldn't put his email address on it. Then I'd save it as a draft. It helped process my emotions, prevented me from contacting him out of desperation, and shows me how much progress I've actually made. It made me feel like I was letting myself give in (for immediate relief) but by not sending it I gained long-term relief. Best of both worlds. For me, telling myself "Don't break NC!" feels like something I want to rebel against because it makes me anxious about the future. Being "lenient" without doing any damage helps keep me in the present.
I have a lot of drafts now but I look back and I'm so glad I didn't say any of that stuff at the time. It's really cool to look back and see what you were hung up on a month ago and how you overcame that. That'll help prove that what you're thinking and feeling now won't last forever.
I wish you all the best. NC is something I'm trying to achieve as well. It's like a stomachache that just won't go away. It's irritating.
But after talking to her, I've never felt good really. It's always the feeling that I shouldn't have. After every time I break NC, all I am is more hurt and broken.
I'm trying to indulge in gym and music, maybe you should try them out as well.
I wish you all the very best and hope you get over it.