Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Now that the initial shock has worn off and the weeks of uncertainty regarding breakup logistics have passed, I think I'm settling in to the depression phase. It's making the urge to break NC stronger than ever! My rational mind knows that there's nothing for us to talk about right now... I don't want to know how his new place is working out, and I'm sure he doesn't want to be faced with my continued heartbreak. I know that talking wouldn't do any good, and that right now the best thing for me is to work on breaking those ties and standing on my own.
But man, it is so hard. The last time that I saw him, he reaffirmed that he'll take his cues on any future communication from me. He's not going to be proactive in this, because he knows that I'm the one with more to heal from and he doesn't want to try to be in my life when I'm not ready for it or if I don't want him to be there. But it's tough having the ball in my court. It makes it that much more tempting to reach out, because being without the constant companionship we shared for years has left such a void.
It's only been a couple of weeks since we last saw each other (when he moved the last of his things from the apartment), so I know I'm still in that tough initial stage. But if you've got any encouragement that maintaining NC is the best thing, I could sure use them now!
But man, it is so hard. The last time that I saw him, he reaffirmed that he'll take his cues on any future communication from me. He's not going to be proactive in this, because he knows that I'm the one with more to heal from and he doesn't want to try to be in my life when I'm not ready for it or if I don't want him to be there. But it's tough having the ball in my court. It makes it that much more tempting to reach out, because being without the constant companionship we shared for years has left such a void.
It's only been a couple of weeks since we last saw each other (when he moved the last of his things from the apartment), so I know I'm still in that tough initial stage. But if you've got any encouragement that maintaining NC is the best thing, I could sure use them now!
Come here and talk to us and try to ignore the urge to contact him. I promise the longer you go without contact, the easier it will get.
Sending jedi hugs
http://lemaym1.wordpress.com/
I spoke to my boyfriend all the time, we were almost joined at the hip/text/phone. So after he was gone from my life the void was unreal. It just takes time, and with NC you will be forced to get out there and make new experiences. Before you realize it, you will have a whole new life built up again.
It's so hard but that is what this group is for. We all understand. God knows how many times I've lamented over the same issues..but I wouldn't be in a support group if it was easy. lol.
Be strong..you will be so proud of yourself!
I am currently going through my divorce and my wife is making it where I will have no choice but to have a lifetime no contact order. This was my second and her third. She came into the marriage with $200. She has ruined my relationship with her kids forever, and I raised them better than my own. Even her ex thanks me for doing a great job raising them.
So it is best to put on your walking shoes and never look back. Look forward to living life, having fun and if someone else comes into your life enjoy that too.
But in a couple cases not sending the email because of some supposed rule that no contact is what you should do was doing me more harm than good.
I personally don't find any breakup rules or "should dos" helpful. You have to do what you have to do. Rebuild your trust in yourself to take care of yourself. A lot of rules protect you from getting hurt but sometimes you need to push through that hurt. Sometimes you have to touch the hot stove to learn why you shouldn't do it again.
Said he didn't want to bother me on Christmas if I might be busy. Hoped I was having a good break and wanted to say happy holidays. And he said it would be nice to talk on Christmas, but he completely understood if I didn't want to. Thankfully I had just taken a Xanax not too long before, or else I'd probably have had some kind of panic attack.
It was hard to decline. I told him I was glad that he reached out, but that I wasn't ready to really talk yet... that I'm still having a difficult time with everything. That NC has been hard for me, but that it's for the best for now. That even so, I'd still kind of hoped he would text. Told him I hoped his family was well, and wished him a Merry Christmas. He responded something about that being understandable, and that he was glad I got to go home and hope my family's well.
I wanted to keep talking. And of course I immediately started to over analyze his word choice and the thinking behind texting before Christmas. It's hard to turn it all off. I spent most of Christmas either crying or fighting tears... I kept trying to focus on my family, but it's tough when you're falling apart inside. I'm proud of myself for not continuing the conversation, and for not talking yesterday like I wanted to so badly. I know that I could have been more indifferent in my reply, but he knows me. And he knows that I love him and that I'm heartbroken, so it's not like it's any new information. It's been hard to let go of the fact that I'll never know what he thinks or how he feels... to accept that this is over. I'm not there yet. But I really hope I get there sometime soon.