It's time to go.

Do HIM a favor and go.

My ex did nothing but focus on ME, what he wanted changed about ME, what he didn't like about ME that I finally told him to get out and find someone more to his liking.

The divorce was costly and a bit inconvenient, but I'm finally free of his endless negativity and b*tching and I've NEVER been happier.

I think the difference here is that my husband's stuff is a lot of negativity and toxicness. I never wanted him to be anything but the best version of himself for him! I still love him deeply but it affects my menyal state a lot

What if he's happy the way he is? Even if he's not, you can't change anyone else. It's controlling and abusive.

If a man did that and said "I'm telling her to lose weight or change x,y,z" he'd be on Dr. Phil being booed by the audience.

If someone isn't your cup of tea, move on.

And as for making himself happy, that's what he's supposed to be doing! Is he supposed to be waiting for someone else to make happy? Is he supposed to be miserable?

Maybe you should try it!

This sounds strange to me that I wouldn't want my husband to be his best self. Comparing losing weight to not over drinking (drinking and driving), smoking and other toxic things that are detrimental to himself, others and his health. If you find that strange that I want him to be the best version of himself that he can be then I have to say I disagree. I think true love is when you want each other to be their best.

I think you are just thinking of your own past relationship (which we all do) and letting your experience not see where I am coming from. I hear what you are saying and appreciate and respect your opinion but don't agreee with it.

We can change others. You can waste your life trying but I believe anyone who's had experience with addiction will tell you that.

And by making himself happy I mean he forgets there are two people in this marriage and does for him when I consciously try and make us both happy. It's a give and take. Please don't answer with so much anger. This is a place for love and support. Thanks

I'm not angry at all.

Im just past the point in my life where I feel it's my right, obligation or calling in life to dictate someone else's life to them.
If their behavior is detrimental or offensive to me I can set a boundary.

Sometimes that boundary requires that I leave a situation and make healthier choices.

Best wishes

Thank you and Best wishes to you as well! Always love

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't know exactly how hard your marriage has been for you, but I have been married for 16 years, and recently spent 3 months in marriage counseling for some of these issues, so I understand a little. Like you, I was ready to walk away, or wish that he would, even though I still loved him. We were going through a prolonged rough patch, and I didn't believe that it could be fixed anymore. I wish I could give you the succinct solution to our marriage problem, but it wasn't simple or fast. It was slow, and tedious. But now things are so much better, I can't fathom why I wanted to badly to leave (Although I do remember: it was pain, the terrible pain of our miserable relationship). Some advice for you, if you want it:

1. Remember your vows: Ouch, I know this hurts, but you said "forever" and "better or worse." You didn't qualify the "worse" with time constraints, we don't get that choice. Think about what you really meant what you took those vows.

2. Divorce will bring pain. Do you ever really think you will get over your husband? Do you want him to get over you? You cannot fathom the pain that divorce will bring.

3. Your husband is in pain too. You don't give enough information for me to conclude what could be behind his behavior problems, but I do believe that there is SOMETHING behind it. Is it depression? Stress? Issues from the past he is dealing with? Men don't often talk about what really bothers them, so don't expect that if there was a problem that you would know. Try doing some research about depression in men, it may open your eyes.

4. You could be contributing to the problem. I know, its so hard to even consider the possibility, you know that your motives are pure, and you know how hard you have tried. But believe me, I was there too. I thought I had learned and changed enough, but I was wrong. This book was indispensable to me: http://amzn.to/2n7hxcg.

Final thoughts:

The "universe" can't tell you anything. You know what is right and wrong, don't wait for a sign to give you a reason. Do the right thing for the right reasons.

If I believed that divorce would be the best road for you, I would enthusiastically endorse it. But I don't. It won't fix you.

You can do this. You can grow in character in ways you never imagined. You can have the happiness you REALLY want inside a restored marriage. You can grow old with the love of your life.

I am praying for you. God bless you.

Thank you so much for that response and I am just about to order the book! I appreciate you sharing the way that you did. Showing me both sides and saying it in a gentle and loving way. I always believe that we are here to grow and evolve. My soul has felt tired lately in my relationship BUT I do still love my husband and I'm thinking the book might just help open my eyes even more ❤❤❤

i have been told i am a selfish narcissist by some in this group. I didn't want to admit that about myself but in all honesty I can't really argue the point. I mention this because it may be relevant to your husband. He may feel like something is missing from his life. He may feel a sense of self-loathing. He may feel like you are not able to empathize or help him fill what ever void he feels inside. The thing is that he has to care enough about the marriage to open up to you, or a counselor, about it. I resisted seeing someone for a long time because the mental health profession failed me as a child but I finally realized that I can't do it alone, and if I kept going my marriage would end. I decided I couldn't stand for that, that my marriage was too important. So I have an appointment with a guy next week to address my behavioral issues, rage, impulse control, self loathing, etc. You need his definitive answer on whether he wants the marriage badly enough to do the hard stuff. If he isn't willing then you have your answer. If he is willing then the key word becomes patience. He has issues that he's avoiding dealing with. He probably feels trapped by them. That's how I felt. I cant help but see parallels. Maybe i'm talking out my rear end here. just thought id offer my 2 cents.

A marriage therapist to discuss both sides of the issues would greatly help. Once you both have all your needs, wants, and issues on the table only then can you decide to move forward or quit in a healthy way. And that decision can change too.

Ive been back and forth with this myself, and probably will be for a while. Right now the positives still outweigh the negatives, and it gets very hard sometimes, but he's now engaged and working. For the first time in years he's .

Honeybee has some great advice.

apply the 180 method to see whether he may change when he realizes the sheer magnitude of your displease - all too often the abrupt wakeup call forces change.