I definitely understand feeling blindsided. I was engaged to my ex and we were supposed to be married in October after being together 7 years. He told me during a fight that he fell out of love with me because of the fights we had and I tried to fix it but he wanted nothing to do with the idea. It has been over 2 weeks since we officially broke up at this point and since then more has come out about what he was really feeling. He felt "stuck" and "pressured" to propose even though he hadn't been happy for "3 years". Never once did he tell me he was unhappy or give me the chance to see what I could do in order to correct some of the issues. He said he stayed because he didn't know what else to do and also because I was great with his son (that I helped him raise from the point he was born). Now, instead of getting married and starting a family like I thought I was, I am now starting over and financially screwed because of him.

Before him, guys just used me and left after a month or so of dating. I thought he was different because he stuck around for as long as he did. He wasn't perfect though and I should have let the relationship die a long time ago. He cheated 2 years in and continued to try to numerous times. He would always beg me to stay with him and I would because I was in love with him.

So now, I am starting over at 27. Like you, my friends all have kids or are getting married and my dreams were crushed suddenly. But know this, WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS. I don't know when, but it will happen eventually. Start setting goals to make your life the way you want it to be and work on yourself (I know, easier said than done). That's what I am going to be doing and hopefully this time next year I'm way better off.

Hi Linny,
Thanks for your reply. I know it will get better for both of us. I have never been in a relationship for more than a year so I cant imagine how it would feel to lose that whole piece of your life. I used my last breakup to help me get the motivation to help me finish my degree. Now I will use this one to help me get a better job ( I finished my degree in Feb :-) My boyfriend told me while he was breaking up with me that he felt pressured to talk about marriage with me and that made him distant. Even though we were only together for 5 months, Were both in our 30s and should be able to talk about those things. and if he felt pressured the first time I brought it up, why not tell me so I don't keep talking about it while thinking we both want this together? Guys are terrible communicators and it terrifies me to think that things like this can happen overnight. Thursday I was leaving on a plane with him for vacation, yesterday I am flying home alone in tears. Luckily you are only 27! It may seem old but its not, I keep being told I am still young but I feel over the hill here in San Diego. You will find someone!

i know exactly how you feel. like i feel your pain probably on a daily basis and have done so for many years. my current boyfriend is horribly unforgiving and close-minded when it comes to my errors or flaws. he's over-analytical and always telling me areas for improvement or dissecting things about our relationship and comparing them to a business mentality. he's running a very successful finance startup and i have to remind him that i am not meant to be maintained like a company. it's hurtful that he can't allow me to be who i am without acting like it's a major inconvenience to him. every time we talk we argue, and we've been dating for 4-5 months. our honeymoon period ended when he had to move down south for 3 months while i stayed in nyc, right after my dog passed away (he was euthanized by the city), and right after i lost two good friends- one of whom set me up with my bf. since then, the fact that i lost these two friends has been a governing topic in our relationship. he feels like it's going to inconvenience his ability to be social with our mutual friend because she was shitty to me and in turn i had a personal falling out with her. i feel like he's using me as an object and unable to seperate me from them. it makes me feel like i'm nothing more than something kept around for him, but anything and everything i do is a major fuck up (something i have struggled with in regards to confidence). he makes me so miserable. i am still in this because of my abandonment issues and the fact that i'm suffering a great deal with no good friends at arm's reach and he's my only lifeline to look forward to, when there's good times. i can totally relate to what you say. i know the pain that comes with someone who makes you feel wrong all the time. i've had a repetitive past of boyfriends who have made me feel that way. sometimes i think i've sought these types of people out, and formed relationships with them because it's a built in magnet for me.. i can't understand why i keep this pattern going, because i truly do want to find someone who loves me regardless of their OWN friendships and my own friendships. i think maybe when we have abandonment issues, it's easy to navigate towards people who remind us of our past. i once had a therapist who told me 'the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know'.... i think that's a good way to sum it up. i date my current boyfriend because even during our honeymoon phase i saw within him a hint of my ex, who was horrible in his own right, and that propelled me into a relationship with this guy. i've never been able to find a wholesome, non-narcissistic, good person who doesn't tell me i'm an inconvenience to them. you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you've done in your 5 months with this guy, and you shouldn't allow it to weigh in your hope for finding someone. i know it's easier said than doing, believe me. i have been in such deep craters i never thought i'd climb out of. however being in a bad relationship with a man that makes you feel horrible about yourself brings it's own kind of repetitive pain.....i was just thinking today how i kind of miss the pain of being alone, and favor that to the pain of suffering consistently under a guy dissecting and criticizing my every move. it's exhausting and i hope you know you're not alone and i feel for you. i'm over here waiting for this relationship to implode and then be on the receiving end of a message like this, i know what it's like to fear being alone... just know you aren't alone in feeling that. i'm struck by how similar your post is to what i feel daily. i hope you feel better

give the book the 5 love languages a read. it helped me a lot in understanding what a partner wants and how to meet both of your love language needs

Hi sjs777, I am familiar with that book and we even discussed it in the beginning of our relationship. I thought we had great communication and knew what each other needed. I was happy and he wasn't apparently. I can't wrap my head around it. He told me I made him angry a lot, but I never saw one sign of anger from him

at times we spend a lot of time trying to understand someone's irrational behaviour when all it does is frustrate us much more. it helped me to shift the focus to me and what i could do to make me happy