I was divorced last February after my wife started cheating a year and a half before. It was clearly the formative experience of my adult life, a true wakening place and opportunity to learn. Nothing else matches the intensity of this experience, not my children's births, my mothers death and certainly not getting married. The level of pain was greater than anything. I was obsessed with this thing, this action of my partner of twenty years. It just hurt more than anything.

Now that I am a bit away from it I wanted to recognize that nothing is ever all one thing. That is, there is always good and bad in everything. It is so easy to get stuck in the bad, that is, she cheated, she lied, she didn't care a bit about me, or really our children, and mostly that she didn't care about my dreams for my life. She shattered my hopes for old age, what I had expected. She forced me to grow.

First of all, I am stronger, no doubts. I am here and I am still in the game. I am grateful for that. I have more self knowledge. As a couple each parent takes a part in child raising. With my ex leaving the family during the kids senior year of high school, I became more or less a single parent. My relationships with my children have only strengthened and I see myself as a committed father who is there for his kids in all ways. This is something that wouldn't have had to happen and is something that I am grateful for. In fact, I know myself as a man now and I can live with what I know of myself, even if my ex couldn't. I turned to God and to my male friends during these days to help hold me up. My relationships with both have gotten stronger and that has brought obvious benefits. I was able to have several relationships with other women, that although they didn't turn out to be lasting ones, taught me something and showed me that I am hardly dead yet.

I am waiting for more of the positives to show up as I move on. I am moving into a new house shortly which will help my recovery from the trauma that was the end of my marriage. There is room there for both of my children to come stay on holidays and over the summer if they choose. There is room there for me to feel a new start, based on what I want, rather than any need to satisfy anyone else. I am working on accepting loneliness and learning to come to terms with myself. I am an adult now in more ways. I recognize that this is my only life and fantasies and wishes, although allowed, will never lead me to satisfaction. I am trying to be real and that can't be anything but good.