Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have noticed this is such a huge issue with people who have been hurt by people they love. I understand that completely. I just have a different way of looking at it. I seem to have a different way of looking at a lot of things though!
I still trust people. I figure if you don't trust people until they earn your trust you are going to miss out on a lot. On the other hand, if you trust everyone until they abuse that trust, yeah you may get burned but you won't miss anything either. It's so hard to have any relationship if it's guarded. I think you should jump in with both feet (had a friend say that recently) and take a chance.
It's like love. What if you were afraid to love for fear of being rejected. All that would happen is you would never feel love. But if you jump in and feel love and it doesn't work out, at least you felt love and some day you'll find yourself loving someone who loves you back. Ya know, it's better to have loved than lost than to never have loved at all?
Trust works the same way. Maybe we should stop being afraid to trust people and just jump in and take our chances.
I still trust people. I figure if you don't trust people until they earn your trust you are going to miss out on a lot. On the other hand, if you trust everyone until they abuse that trust, yeah you may get burned but you won't miss anything either. It's so hard to have any relationship if it's guarded. I think you should jump in with both feet (had a friend say that recently) and take a chance.
It's like love. What if you were afraid to love for fear of being rejected. All that would happen is you would never feel love. But if you jump in and feel love and it doesn't work out, at least you felt love and some day you'll find yourself loving someone who loves you back. Ya know, it's better to have loved than lost than to never have loved at all?
Trust works the same way. Maybe we should stop being afraid to trust people and just jump in and take our chances.
What I need to consciously choose is to not let all the little ways in which people can be cruel and nasty and deceitful impact me in ways which feel backward, rather than forward.
My trust issues are mostly with me, like Patti said, and giving someone the power to hurt me again. I have to trust that I can see as clearly as possible when falling in and won't be afraid to commit my entire being to someone again and become truly vulnerable. If I give you my heart you better damn well keep it safe!
As for the little peoples, I don't care much. I have friends and family that I love and care for. I know there's no way any of them would do anything to hurt me. They have my complete trust. The little people are on their own. If someone does something cruel or mean spirited I just figure that's someone I need to steer clear of. Not really a big deal as it doesn't have any impact on my life. I've never really cared about other peoples opinion of me.
I had the love and trust of a man for the last two years. He saw a red flag in me: I had binge drinking problem. He spoke to me on more than one occasion about it, asked me to cut the crap. He tried to trust me, and work through it. He didn't bolt. Initially. Then I unconsciously got drunk one night, and his only words were: "You broke your promise". Trust was gone. I did not abuse alcohol consciously, yet my behavioral mistakes cost me the relationship. He left me.
I still do not know how I am ever going to forgive myself for losing his trust and commitment. Some would argue what this is not love, then. Do I blame him for leaving? Do I blame him for being so *bs* that I broke his confidence and trust that he ended the realtionship? No. An adult offers conditional trust. Once broken, it may not ever be able to be restored. I put myself in his shoes and I'd hope I have the strength of self to do the same.
I have often thought of my definition of love, and mine is that love never fails. Love is patient, kind, forgiving, and compassionate. What I am learning is that I may be idealistic, and love is a lot more absolute and logical to some people.