Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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new2this2 12/07/2010

I have noticed this is such a huge issue with people who have been hurt by people they love. I understand that completely. I just have a different way of looking at it. I seem to have a different way of looking at a lot of things though!

I still trust people. I figure if you don't trust people until they earn your trust you are going to miss out on a lot. On the other hand, if you trust everyone until they abuse that trust, yeah you may get burned but you won't miss anything either. It's so hard to have any relationship if it's guarded. I think you should jump in with both feet (had a friend say that recently) and take a chance.

It's like love. What if you were afraid to love for fear of being rejected. All that would happen is you would never feel love. But if you jump in and feel love and it doesn't work out, at least you felt love and some day you'll find yourself loving someone who loves you back. Ya know, it's better to have loved than lost than to never have loved at all?

Trust works the same way. Maybe we should stop being afraid to trust people and just jump in and take our chances.

deleted_user 12/07/2010

Well, I'm not familiar with your story but my ex bent me so far over it broke my back and everything else. Finding out that our 11 year relationship was based on lies, his addictions, cheating, etc was a severe blow to me. I was always a very trusting person, even trusted him again after the cheating.....dumb me!

I can't bear the consequences of trusting another only to be deceived and taken advantage of again.

DMM1964 12/07/2010

I call it trust with eyes wide open...

new2this2 12/07/2010

Well I can say I've never hurt this much in my life. And after he screwed me he's now asking me to bend over. So I get it.

BUT my life isn't over and I want new friendships and some day I would love to feel love for someone again. If that means I have to take a chance that this might happen again... okie doke.

I don't want to live without love.

new2this2 12/07/2010

DMM, I hear ya. The problem is my eyes were wide open. Sometimes something is hidden from you though and now I know that no matter how much my eyes are open I may not see everything and be hurt again. Hence the trusting part. I still think love is worth the chance.

deleted_user 12/07/2010

Newtothis, with courage like you have, I think that some guy is going to be very lucky to get you. :)

He won't have a nagging woman.

He won't have a suspicious woman.

He won't have to constantly reassure her.

He can do his man thang and you can do your woman thang. :)

new2this2 12/07/2010

Thanks Faithful. That was very sweet of you to say :)

It's all about the thang!

deleted_user 12/07/2010

There is risk in all we do....we have to be willing to risk a broken heart....again....if we are ever going to love unconditionally again

deleted_user 12/07/2010

I use to have your same thinking about trust...I trusted everyone until they gave me a reason not to trust them anymore. I think my biggest issue is getting past the last trust issues to be able to have the same thinking. I know deep down that the people around me I can trust with anything, but just getting over the fear is another thing. Possibly more positive thinking is the key to less fear of the negative thinking.

llmt 12/07/2010

I commend you and give you great credit to trust again. You show the "glass half full" mentality, and that will help you get thru this. I walk the fine line of trust vs. red flags. Does one look for things to trust vs. not wanting to see the red flags before you? Or does one read into not trusting vs. reading into things that arent' there, just for the sake of our hearts? I walk the line. Again I commend you for giving forth yourself to another try on love.

new2this2 12/07/2010

Ya know, this red flag thing has had me thinking too. I can look back now and see a few red flags that I thought I ignored, but maybe not. Maybe I saw them and realized that everyone has flaws and if I bolt whenever a red flag pops up I'm going to throw away something real. I think that's actually what my stbx did. What's wrong with confronting red flags and getting through them. I do remember bringing up one major red flag with my stbx and he assured me it wasn't a problem. Uh... it was. BUT what if I just turned away and walked out and I never found out if it was a problem or not?

There are no guarantees. Life is one huge chance.

deleted_user 12/07/2010

Well now you might be talking about boundaries....each person will have boundaries(or they should have) that others have to respect...if you spot a red flag and it crosses your boundaries, it's up to you to correct it or you will have to re-adjust your boundaries.....Some people will just keep pushing at you, forcing you to accept things that you feel are wrong.

Eventually a person will either snap and run, or turn into a puppet...or fight back.

llmt 12/07/2010

Agreed with wd...boundaries are what you need. Don't cave your morals for anyone. Your inner self or gut will guide you.

patti22 12/07/2010

I read somewhere that the person that you have to learn to trust the most is Yourself.

Trust yourself to see the signs.

And trust yourself to get out if the signs are there.

playerapr 12/07/2010

Like everybody else I have to give it to you hands down.... trust issues creates a nagging and suspicious spouse. My husband used to tell me that he was paying for my past boyfriends and for what they did that I could trust him cause he would never hurt me and then he did hurt me so I'm skeptical about trusting somebody.... I agree in the part about loving again and second chances at love but trusting that person...I don't know...i couldnt jump in with both feet.

deleted_user 12/07/2010

I think trust comes from the gut. My gut has an easy time believing people, even my husband, after Ive felt humiliated by his lies. My head tell me regularly, however, that in order not to be blindsided ever again, I best not give into my instincts. I have to work really, really hard to be guarded.

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