Stay strong, and don't let him coax you back with the, "I can change" bit. He's already shown that he can't. Shop around, don't settle on the first lawyer you meet. Find one that's both a pit bull, and you feel comfortable with asking questions. Ask a lot of questions. Unfortunately, you'll have to learn how to deal with loneliness, and sometimes, embrace it. Hate to say the bright side is you're cutting this before he steals more of your life, but...I just did. Hang in there.

Thank you, everyone says it will get easier, time heals all wounds, i hear that and embrace that but jeez it's easier said than done. I can't refrain from texting him, i hate that i miss him. this is so new, it only happened on Wednesday....

My brother is going through the same thing atm and its heart wrenching. His wife went on a hookup website met with multiple men, had a relationship ongoing for 10 months and had the gall to tell him she never slept with any of them. They have two children and her selfishness will now affect those two kids for the rest of their lives. I dont understand people like your husband and her. If you want to cheat...why dont they just leave? Why drag it on and on? Why mess peoples lives up so much because of selfish needs and wants? I dont get it. Marriage vows mean nothing anymore.

You are in for a rough ride. Divorce is never easy. The fact you dont have children will make it indeed easier because once you are done you are done. You will never have to see or speak to him again. Get a good lawyer like lookingforclosure said and make sure you take care of yourself. This will not be easy and it is going to be emotionally turbulent for awhile. Know you are not alone, this is a good place to vent and eventually you will heal and move on. Allow the process though dont fight it and do NOT get into another relationship right away. I hope you find some peace soon. Hugs.

Hugs your way ! It won't be easy, but it's possible to
Move
Forward. Be kind to yourself, don't you let
Yourself tell
Yourself negative things. You are good enough no matter
What your little
Mind tries to tell you. Time heals, but what heals faster is what you with the time. Lots of love your way, hope you can feel
It even when it's from a stranger.

The feelings you're having now are awful I know, but DO NOT CALL OR TEXT HIM!

Your just giving him attention he doesn't deserve.

I would see my lawyer, divorce him and never give him another second of my time.

Don't make the mistake of thinking he'll change. He won't. And if you take him back after he's clearly shown you who he is, your in for years of misery.

Its ok to feel the pain you are dealing with. Its completely sucks but you will get through it and it is all normal feelings. He is obviously so desensitized to his behavior and how it truly affect you that he could never change. Once you cross that line a cheat it makes it to easy to do again.
Please hold your head up high and try to look for a positive new future. Keep family and true friends close by for support. Good luck..

You are already the hardest thing, which is making that decision to leave, so good for you! My only advice is, follow the no-contact rule as much as possible. Don't let him charm his way back into your life.

Listen to everybody who posted above, they are all correct. Do not take him back! He will cheat again, and you will be one of us getting divorced after 15, 20, 25 years with kids in the picture instead of getting it over with now. You are presumably still young (20s/30s). Get out now, cut off all contact with him, and move on.

I’m so sorry for the hurt that you have already experienced and also the hurt you are going through right now. Infidelity is devastating to a marriage and the fact that you were able to forgive and work at moving on from that is a testament to the person that you are. Did you talk with your husband about the messages that you found?

In my own situation, the loneliness was one of the hardest feelings I experienced... as it doesn’t matter how many people you have around you for support, you can still feel so utterly alone. But that is the place where you will find strength, if you don’t mask it with other people or things. I have a faith in Jesus Christ, and it was in that place of aloneness where I completely surrendered all my hurt and pain to Him. He was faithful to walk me through the pain and to give me the strength I needed for each day… and to show me how much He loved me. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody, but I now feel healthy and whole again. I will be praying for you that He will give you the strength you need for each day and that you will find healing for your heart and also for wisdom in making the decisions that lie ahead for you… hugs!

Hi lookingforclosure-you've taken to hardest step...making the move to end it. Move on, stay strong, don't communicate any more than absolutely necessary and keep looking forward! Check out different lawyers-just because one is suggested because "they're good" doesn't mean they're necessarily the right match for you or your situation so shop around. Loneliness is part of the process. It's not fun but can be less by keeping busy and surrounding yourself with family or good friends right now.

I learned about my STBXWf through her cell phone as well. Our first fight a year ago was me pointing out her excessive phone use was slowly driving a wedge between us-we went through counceling and seemed better. Oddly enough the phone was her access to a whole other world of sexting, getting drunk (she was not a drinker when we met), hatefulness (she was normally a very cheerful person), and of course other men. Once I found this info and how long it had been going on I knew I was dealing with a completely different person-connecting the dots of her changed moods and actions in the past year. It's been heartwrenching but I will make it through just as you will too. Hang in there-we're in for a bumpy ride but I assure you, we'll make it through this. What lies ahead is sure to be much better!

Thank you everyone. You're all absolutely right. I will make it through this, I can only go up and it can only get better. Thankfully yes I am 28 and about to graduate with my BA and credentials and be a teacher come June, I will start my new career and new life and who knows who I will meet. I never thought I would be 28 and divorced but I never thought the "love of my life" would betray me and break my heart. I believe the hardest part is done but hard times are still to come. Thank you all for taking the time to comment.
I hope all of you are hanging in there too.
Any advice on when to file? Who should file first? I'm a student and don't have money how costly is a divorce? Should I wait? Would I get alimony?
So many questions I will have to ask the divorce lawyer.
Thank you guys so much

The more proactive you are, the better your outcome is going to be.

Yes lawyers cost money. You will not regret it though. If you don't find one and begin this process without looking back, I can tell you that you will live to regret it.

I dont know your financial situation or your state laws. Your attorney will advise you of your rights and what you're entitled to. You're probably entitled to more than you're aware of.

Please remember that your choices now will effect the rest of your life, and most important is this- he is not your friend now. Especially once you file. Anything he does or says to try to manipulate you is to make sure his best friend, himself, comes out on top.

Make yourself number one. You will look back in ten years and say "thank God I did that"

I am so sorry you are going through this. The huge light at the end of the tunnel is you didn't have kids before you found out. You would have been bound to him forever.
I know it is hard now, but if you desire after you are healed from this guy to look for a guy who will love you like you love him. Please use this as a lesson and watch for red flags along the way.
Absolutely, no contact is the way to go with this guy.
I wish you the very best.