I totally understand what you feel. I'd like to see you get through this and feel better. Are you willing to stay in touch with your post for a few days? What you tell is in great detail and very powerful moves will have to make the necessary changes. Conversations are for learning now. One thing that I ask you to consider doing, as soon as possible, celebrate the rest of your time in this day as if it is a holiday, okay? I recommend this of you for the sake of getting you to a higher ground, right away. Rest easy. I've got brothers who never were in serious relationships with good women, of which loved them very deeply, only they were low-life bums. You have a good heart and honorable intentions. My pleasure is to know that there are some guys, still on earth, who know the power of true love. I admire you for coming in to support today, and I am really hoping to be nearby to you as you heal. God be with you! I am in prayer for you; I promise you that.

I'm sorry that you are going through this at this time in your life. It is hard sometimes to move forward after a break up from someone who we have loved with our whole heart, soul & being and then it is over. It is not impossible to move forward, but as you stated it does take time.

How long were you two together? How long has it been since you have broken up? One of the things that helped me through this time was writing daily in a journal. I wrote about how I felt, I wrote when I was angry, hurt, crying, yelling out to God, etc. This truly began my emotional healing journey. I would write daily, weekly and monthly as I began to heal. I prayed a lot and I am happy to see that you have prayed to God too.

As I began to heal, I would go back and read through what I had written and it became a success gauge that showed me just how far I had really come. I remember telling myself one time "Wow, I lived through that."

One of the other things that I found helpful that you might want to try is volunteering. I found that this helped me to begin to socialize with others, help others and in turn it was actually helping me.

It sounds like you have lost a lot of loved ones as I have. Do you have any type of support system? Local church family, extended family & friends, Pastor, and/or counselor that can help get you through this too?

I know it is hard and as much as you do not want to do anything, get dressed, eat, etc. There are people who need you and could use your help. Volunteer at a local soup kitchen. Visit one of the churches that offer free lunches and eat and share a time of fellowship with someone there. A child, A Veteran, A Big Brother.

Find a way to laugh! Smile! Even if it hurts. This is one of the funniest jokes I have heard in a long time. Have you heard of the new movie - "Constipation?" - It hasn't come out yet... hahaha

I hope this finds you laughing right now :-) Laughter is the best medicine.

Take it one day at a time. We are here for you. You will get through this. Love hurts and Love heals. The old saying - that it is better to have loved and lost, then not to have loved at all.... it really is true.

You have learned one of the deepest kinds of love and you will love again. You will live a great life again and you will learn from this experience and share it with others that are hurting as well. When I am down, I look up! I am looking up with you right now!

Thank you both for responding. I unfortunately do not have any type of support system that I can reach out to for help. I am alone trying to face this insurmountable pain, it's beyond overwhelming. I am trying my hardest to survive this, minute by minute, hour by hour, but it is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. It would all be easier to understand if something had gone wrong in the relationship or if I had done something to deserve this, but thats not the case. There was no fighting, or yelling, or cheating of any kind. Neither of us drink or use drugs. One day everything was normal and the next she was packing her things just saying she isn't sure what she wants. Then she left. I love her so much I even told her to keep the engagement ring I had given her, I told her to please keep it forever as a symbol of our love and how much she means to me. I never had this strong of a love for anyone or anything in my life and it is destroying me that I have lost her.

Faust, it's a pleasure to help you, and thanks for returning with more news. I am really moved by your care and love for this beautiful lady. True love indeed. Now, most likely, I've got several years on you, so I can tell you that this too will pass. It may be that she only needs a little more time to be certain of what she is getting herself in to. My husband and I didn't plan much; we took our chances. And it really does take thought when you are considering spending the rest of your life with someone. So give her some space for now, and please stay hopeful. Something other than you triggered uncertainty is her. Something far between the two of you. Perhaps some secret from the past is bothering her. I had so many secrets in my past too. Not until years later did I finally share the darkest parts of my life with my husband, and that was only after I was sure that he would understand it all. It takes time to gain trust. I know that her behavior is strange, however, it's too early to call it off or give-in, and for the sake of love believe in her love for you. She is probably experiencing a cycle of ideas right now, and this will take time for her to process. Many are frightened is such cases. You are not alone. Stay with us.

Thank you Remiah, I appreciate your understanding and support. I have spoken with her and told her that I will wait for her as long as it takes for her to decide what she wants to do and that I will love her regardless of her choice. I assured her that I will be there for her no matter what. She said she just needs time and space and I told her I will respect that. I do know that she is talking to her ex to figure out if she wants to go back to him since they have a child together. She is worried that her daughter will grow up unhappy if she doesn't attempt to make a relationship work with the father. She told me she is not in love with him but cares enough that maybe she will be able to be with him. She tells me that she is involve with me but isn't sure who she wants to be with. I am not really sure what to make of all this as it almost makes me feel like im her second choice. It's very hurtful to be pulled along as she is deciding who she ultimately wants to be with. We were together for so long and there were no problems. Even when she left there was no problem she just said she wasn't sure what she wanted.

Faust you explain your words more clearly and focused than on yesterday, so thanks to you as well. Because the more I can read of your focused thoughts, the easier it is for me to help you stay focused on figuring things out. I hope that this clearer side of you means that you had a good night's sleep and a healthy good meal! Please say, Yes, to this! I want that you should take good care of yourself, always, no matter, take good care of your mind, body and soul. You are no good in any way without the better side of your fullest level of strength to move you ahead of life's struggles.

As much as it would have been better for her to have settled her feelings way before now, it really is sensible to call a halt until she has time to be sure of what she's doing right now. Her daughter is priority. I'll give her that. And all in all, she knows that she can depend on you to wait. Otherwise, she would not have considered how important it is to do the right thing by you. And surely she senses that you care for her daughter as much as her natural father does. I completely believe this. It is so important to keep the open communication between the two of you active, as much as possible. What you hope for is that she sees your sparkling integrity. I do! Are you real, lol! There are many young men these days who are NOT as chivalrous as you. You have courteous qualities, and your attitude with her is so patient and loyal. I admire! What is golden between you and her, and this one will never change, is that you decided to marry a woman with a ready-made family, which is rare that men do this. This other guy has the strike against him for not making it work when he had plenty of reasons to do so before. She has to consider this fact. No matter of concern. You are already three scores ahead of his game. Good for you! Deciding which one to marry is a chore, bless her. Yet she has a duty to make sure that her daughter's life is compatible with what she hopes for herself. At best, her curiosity for the future is settled through her own terms. And it could very well be that she knows you are the choice mate for her. However, if she decides to stay with the father of her daughter, and I've seen this happen before, there will always be a greater temptation to reach out to you during the rougher times of her relationship with him. You have to decide then if you will be there for her. It's a difficult choice to make too. You may be her "protective arm." But then you can't hold her as your sweetheart. See what I mean? His shoes are still under her bed, not yours. So I leave you with much to think over yourself. Ponder the matter very closely. Your safe feelings depend on you making choices of which are better for you, as well as for her, in this case.

It's such a difficult situation to be in. I will stand by her no matter what she chooses but I do know that it will wear me down even more as time goes on. I know that this may very well be the thing that destroys me but I believe for true love it is worth it. I am prepared to sacrifice everything in the name of my love for her. I have already given up my medical career for her, spent tens of thousands of dollars, sold my dream car (it was a Porsche), lost friends, buried my pride, all for her, so there isn't anything that I will not do for this woman. I swore my loyalty and love to her forever and thats not something I can or would take away. I told myself and her when I met her and fell in love with her that I would be there no matter what and I intend to keep that promise no matter what it does to me. I will stand up against any storm for her, I will walk through the burning fires of Hell for her. I never imagined this is how everything would be but I must stay true to what I believe is right, even if it ends me. I know that by doing this that its very possible that I will only continue to suffer, I know many people will call me a fool, but I am a person who believes in love, honor, and loyalty. Once I swear that to someone I believe I must honor that oath no matter what. I'm just not someone who can walk away or give up. I believe that true love means eternal forgiveness, eternal, understanding, and totally unconditional love. Thats what I feel for her. Maybe I'm crazy, I don't know.

Not crazy at all. Passions run deep. She is truly adored by you. I suppose that you were lonely before you met her? And possibly she reminds you of someone else you love very much. I sense this. I am deeply moved by your decision to wait for her. Count me in for the long haul. I support you, Faust. Usually, I would consider this is masculine ego; however, this mind-set you have is more than that. And you are not fumbling with awkwardness in your thoughts. You are seriously sure that she is not rejecting you. Therefore we need only to wait, huh? Stay encouraged and keep in touch. I will be watching with you, my loyal friend. :-) Lucky girl you have there!

Hi Remiah,
I actually wasn't very lonely before I met her, I had my friends and my dog to keep me company. I had a solid routine. I was trying to figure out if she reminds me of anyone from my past but I can't think of anyone. I am pretty sure she isn't rejecting me as we talk everyday and each time she tells me that she loves me. One of my friends insists that she is only doing this to keep me around and lead me on but I don't believe thats the case. I believe if she knew she didn't want to be with me she would say that as she is a very honest person. She has always been honest with me even if it was hurtful which I both appreciate and respect. I do believe she. is genuinely confused about who she wants to be with. We have talked about the life that she wants and it's very similar to what I believe most people want; to love and be loved, to feel loved, to be happy, and to lead a nice normal life. She believes that the love her and I share is unique and she says that she does not feel that way about anyone else. I believe a lot of this has to do with her ex using her daughter as a pawn. He consistently told her that she was ruining her daughters life by not being with him and that this would affect her child, and that her daughter would grow up and hate her for not working it out with him. He made visitation difficult, constantly threatened to take her for custody, had other people calling, texting, emailing her to attempt to manipulate her. He told her the only way this would all stop is if she would go back to him which I believe is the main reason she is entertaining the idea. I supported her through all of that and tried to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. Her parents have tried to warn her not to go back to him as they could see what was happening and had witnessed how he treated her when she was with him previously. She tells me even now that she feels unhappy with how he is acting and that she misses me but she doesn't know what to do. I genuinely care for her so much and I am so sad that she is being put through this. I am definitely in this for the long haul. I made a promise to her and I will not break it, no matter what. I am praying for her and for myself. Part of me is afraid of what effect this will have on me as far as stress and hurt and depression but despite what happens to me I will keep my promise to her. Thank you so much for your kind words and your support, I really appreciate that. I know the road ahead will be difficult and I know that I will need a friend like you as I go down this path. Again, sincerely thank you.

yes i have felt love and loss like that, it was a good thing i didnt die but the thought was there all the time i called it the pit of sorrow and dispair .its like falling in this pit with a red door . go throught the door your dead and not coming back, it kind of feels hopeless down there cant eat or sleep, just stare at that door, but after a while you notice small tiny pieces of hope growing on the sides and if you grab these you can pull your self out with great effort
nothing hurts worse then true love breaking your heart, but its true your better to love then never find love at at all.. Believe me when i tell you this, age 33 is not your prime years for love, yours is still ahead. Actually your fiftys should be much better, by then both men and women know what they want and need and know how its done. Trust me stick around and find out.. woman actually want sex more, its funny how that happens. but this doesnt help you now, nothing will you just have to get over it, learn from your mistakes dont repeat them thats the best you can do. good luck

@Annie, beautiful thoughts you share! And the prime years are indeed the best ones. I agree. Faust is a young one, and he is praying that God leads him. I assure you that God is indeed leaving those "pieces of hope" growing on the sides, and faust is grabbing, eagerly! I admire this in him! Annie, please, stay close now with your wisdom. I thank you for it, on behalf of faust, I thank you for your supportive comments.

@faust, I can assure you that God hears your prayers. Bless and praise God! The Holy Spirit is nipping at my own soul to comfort you. I know not yet what the Lord has in store for your destiny, not do I have this knowledge at present. However, today, as I finished reading the Bible story of King David, and his son, Solomon, I recall that God gave Solomon much wisdom, and in his father David, God gave an understanding heart. I see this gift inside of your own heart, faust. God has in His pleasure your heart. This is a sacred and divine gift. I, too, have such a heart, so I know that you are indeed blessed, way beyond measure! I am joyful to be your support pal! And your gratitude is to God, for I am only in God's service to you. Bless my hide! :-)

Glory to God, in the Highest!!

Faust, I am concerned with the words of your friend. Possibly he is concerned for you. Only he conspires to divert your thoughts in a negative way. Perhaps avoiding conversation which involve your beloved young lady friend is in the best interest, huh?

I am tickled that your little dog is keeping you company during your moments of heartache; how cute! I have a daughter with kitties to comfort her heart, so I do believe in pet therapy for such situations of sickness or hurt.

You have to begin a plan to be better prepared for what's to come now. You tell of plans for medical school? The fancy car is ousted? :-) Why deny yourself the pleasures of life? You need this more than ever now. True, it is humbling to release property that may encourage pride. Yet it is your heart that's growing, and not in necessity will riches or ambition hinder this change of heart. As a fact, your gf may want that life should continue with you as before the separation began. I was that way with my own husband when he was in graduate school. His love for me is much like that in which you suffer (written jokingly :-) I am blessed, just as your own beloved, with the great love of a good man.

Shall we expect that you will try very hard to keep your future ambitions active? I hope so! How about your parents, especially your mom, have you the support of other loved ones? And presently, some strong female, other than your gf, is inside of your sub-thoughts. Could be a teacher, or even a female idol of some sort. You see: some one sweet in memory gives you incentive to believe in your gf. Same as your heart knows true love. Understand? In time, you may see better of what I sense. And, yes, you are not very dramatic in feeling this, but loneliness is a taint of your feelings. Trust me. I know this is true. However the feeling of being without is not meant to threaten you, for you gain strength from sadness. Christ, our Savior, was a lonely person as well. He gained deep humility and compassion for other lonely souls. Perhaps this reason is why you have so much understanding in your soul, faust. Think about it. You may be amazed at what you discover.

Enjoy your day...much love.

I am going through the EXACT same thing. I am in this constant loop of pain and I can't get out of it. All I keep doing is thinking of all the best times and blaming myself and thinking of her moving on with someone else. It's killing me. I am a great person and I love to be happy but I am either seriously depressed all the time, or numb, empty, and drained.

I've never been hurt like this and I also have never felt this way about anyone. I can't get over the thought that she's the one. I love her so much and she has just made excuses and said her felling have changed. It sucks so badly because we are young and have room to grow, sure, but she won't even try. It's breaking my heart.

I never make my situation better because I ruminate and I'll reach out to her despite what I and everyone else says. I know what I need to/should do but I'm having trouble actually doing it. I'm stuck. Also right now, I'm hiding all the obvious red flags and still thinking she's so great but she won't do the same for me. I know that should be a turn off and make it easier for me to walk, but it doesn't. I have so much love in my heart for her.

On top of this all, I just moved to a new place, don't know anyone, and have nothing to do. It takes EVERYTHING for me to not text her, let alone get off the couch and do things.

@faust, I feel all of those things you have said in responses and it is so close to my own situation.

@remiah, I am being comforted by your wisdom, because one of your first responses resonates with me so much because I can see my situation perfectly in it. My girlfriend as well says she's not sure, doesn't know what she wants, and says that we are in different places in life. I also think she has a lot of things from her past that make it incredibly hard for her to love. This makes it so hard for me because I know in my heart that I can be the one to give her what she needs, but she won't entertain it right now. I am giving her space (we broke up just a few days back after weeks of negativity) and I always have this hope that, like you say, she could come back once she finds herself. But I am caught because I hope so much, but what if she doesn't come back. I think I'll always feel that we were supposed to be together. I don't know how to handle it and I also worried that in trying to chase her and make things better, that I pushed her further, and I don't think I could deal with that.

Hey rneff,

I understand how you feel. I grew up in a time called, in these days, "the love zone." :-) I am a baby boomer. I have one son who is Millennial, and other of my adult children are Generation x. And I tell you this so that you will already feel comfortable to open up and chat to me in any language. :-) I've heard it all and I am not a sanctimonious prude. I am very, very down-to-earth personality-wise. And thanks for you kind words. Glory to God though. I am a very compassionate person. When I was your age, or in my early days, guys like you intrigued me. I could never understand why the girls I friended wanted the dirty low-down, scum of the earth type of guys, the cheaters. I was raised in the projects, or government housings, so I saw a lot of women beaten and abused. My very own mother was used by a married man. Thing is, she loved this guy passionately, and for what? He never married her! She had many babies by him too. They never had a decent upbringing either. It grieved me that the first child died, mercifully. So I watched her suffer the grief once he finally left her alone (he was several years older than her; and this was before Viagra days, lol! the fire left the flame, so to speak. I have to keep a steady sense of humor, or I'd break).

rneff, sometimes women, especially the young inexperienced ones, are like playful grasshoppers. I was once this way. Essentially, this is just entertaining by breaking hearts to get attention. She knows that you really love her. Though I'll need more information from you in order to help you get a better understanding of how to cope. Until then, be eased by my own examples (cause and effect) of my own foolish youthful mistakes; I tell as much as I can remember too. As with my care-free ways when I was dating in this way, what she is doing seems to be happening as a "show and tell" love affair, it's a game, which tricky ways really mean that she desires of you to show her and tell her that you are feeling what she feels. Believe me, been there, done that. And it does get old in time, so I really admire that you have not tired of this game.

I totally understand heartbreak. I will give you my best support. And do consider staying in the group. Please let me know what you decide though. I'll be around! :-) Many warm regards!

@faust, please be sure to friendship with rneff. I want that each of you chat together. You have so much in common, sadly. If it helps each of you to know this, and I am certainly not using this image as vain, yet I was very popular with the guys in my stumping days, lol! So I can assure you that I really am crafted and skilled enough to know what it takes to get a man, keep a man, and even to get rid on one :-). I have answers, guys. The gals would yell at me for telling the secrets! I don't care...I can't stand to know that the good ones are getting messed over. You each are brave fighters, and you have my attention. I hope and pray to become a comfort to any person dealing with heartache.