Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama a heavily accented southern voice said."This is
Archie, down here at Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas, I am callin' to tell yall
that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my
cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team
from Hooters. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army
waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. Mr. Obama, the war is still on!
We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harrys farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half
million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day President Obama, the war is still
on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds
ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the
Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie
that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is
surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last
spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have to call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. President Obama! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over
a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two
million prisoners.."
GOD BLESS TEXAS
"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching."
"Hello, President Obama a heavily accented southern voice said."This is
Archie, down here at Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas, I am callin' to tell yall
that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my
cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team
from Hooters. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army
waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. Mr. Obama, the war is still on!
We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harrys farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half
million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day President Obama, the war is still
on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds
ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the
Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie
that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is
surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last
spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have to call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. President Obama! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over
a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two
million prisoners.."
GOD BLESS TEXAS
"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching."
The south is at it again!!!!!
Might I remind them that we damn yankees won the last war :)
The Californian grabbed his wine spritzer, knocked it back in one gulp, then he threw the glass against the back wall, smashing it to pieces. He told the other startled drinkers that the standard of living was so high in California that they never drank out of the same glass twice.
Next the New Yorker finished drinking his Manhattan, and threw his glass against the back wall. He loudly proclaimed that in New York not only were they all are rich from banking and imports, he too never drank out of the same glass twice.
Next the Texan drank his beer, drew a revolver, and shot the Californian and the New Yorker. As he was returning the gun to his holster, he told the wide-eyed bartender that in Texas they had so many New Yorkers and Californians that they never had to drink with the same ones twice.
He said, "Ah'l go down raht now." So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop.
The saleslady said, "May I help you, sir?"
When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked, "Would you like two Playtex?"
He answered, "Ah'd luv ta little lady, but mah wife's a'waitin fur me up in the room.