Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Darblar 01/04/2017

I'm not going to say that I "threw away" my 8-year relationship, however I did choose to end things in October and on the bad days it feels like I threw away what we had. I had been unhappy and unsatisfied in the relationship for about a year, however stopped communicating with him about this because I did not want to cause him more anger or argue about it. I felt like I had been "biting my tongue" for a year in (naive) hopes that our harmony would just somehow reestablish. Someone from my past came back into my life prior to the breakup and validated the issues I was experiencing, while also creating more conflict within myself as I realized I had developed feelings for this other person (something I had never experienced in the 8-years of being with my ex). Long story short, I somewhat abruptly ended my relationship. He offered numerous times for us to work on things and improve ourselves and our relationship together. I denied those offers. At the time I believe I was experiencing so much resentment and anger towards my ex that I let myself get swept away by the thought that things could be better with someone else. Now, the realization of what I chose to do is really setting in as I'm discovering this "other person" isn't the answer to what I'm looking for. Now I'm left with the situation I've created and can't help wondering if I made a mistake. However, when I start to think that I can't help but also feel that I didn't make a mistake, but am just so uncomfortable with being alone and dealing with everything that comes with that. I reflect on my relationship patterns (3 serious relationships over a 12-year period) with only a few months in between each one and I embarassingly realize that I have a deep-rooted issue with being alone. I feel lost, alone, and stranded. I'm recognizing that a large part of my identity thus far in life has been from being in a relationship and that is NOT how I want to define myself. I'm just having the most difficult time healing and accepting that I'm not worthless if I'm not in a relationship. I guess what I'm looking for is moral support that things will get better, that there is hope, and any feedback/advice/wisdom that can be passed along by those who have experienced something similar.

sanderi79 01/04/2017

Have you considered counselling? It sounds as though you might have difficulty with attachment, we can often struggle repeating relationship patterns when our self worth is tied into being in relationships. Although it can be so very hard to be on our own try not to be tempted with jumping into anything new. If you can surround yourself with good friends and family it can go some way to fill the gap that your heartbreak has created. Be gentle with yourself and the best of luck

onedayatatimeforme 01/04/2017

It seems that there have been issues and concerns in your relationship that you wanted to see if things were better on the other side, I think that starting a new relationship without ending the first without regret and anger is best otherwise your just bringing old things into a possible new relationship. Counselling is always a good idea but both need to want it for the right reasons and being alone is not the right reason. I know how you feel of not wanting to be alone or starting over but sometimes being alone is how you find who you are and what you want. Best wishes

SassyGrace 01/04/2017

I'm not romantically involved with anyone right now, but I'm not alone.

None of us are really.

Try changing what you're telling yourself. Being SINGLE does not necessarily equate ALONE.

You're scaring YOURSELF.

linefault 01/04/2017

Alone is actually good at times. Is gives us a break from all the bad or hateful things we sometimes have to deal with. It takes practice. Once you learn to care deeply enough for self, its good. Its never forever, there is always someone out there that wants to be in your life.

mirandac 01/04/2017

Therapy and support groups would help a lot.

Many times there are areas we need to work on
That stem From our own unresolved family of
origin issues and childhood wounding.

Codependency and abandonment would be my
guess. There are CODA support groups out there
And a codependency forum on here. HUGS

Darblar 01/04/2017

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies and just for taking the time to extend some hope <3

justlikemusic 01/04/2017

I just started going to Codependent anonymous meetings that my therapist suggested I go to. I've only been to two meetings so far and I'm glad I gave it a shot. I had never even heard of these meetings, I didn't know they existed. It's nice to know that there are people willing to hear you out and support you as codependency is what we all have in common.. It gives me hope as for the future I'd like to be able to be involved in healthy relationships and not depend on someone else for love, happiness, validation, etc. I would recommend you look into them and give it a shot. Know that you have absolutely every right to invest your time and energy on your wellbeing. You can always reach out to me for support. (: hugs. Take care.

fakeblonde 01/04/2017

Honestly, I enjoy being alone, and found it difficult at times to live in the same house with my husband. Weird, right? I can go through both my days off without speaking to another person, and maybe it's age and being comfortable with myself. I don't really know. I enjoy friends and family, but also my alone time. I do miss having a companion, but at this point I'm ok. Hopefully you can find a way to be content with yourself and enjoy your "me time". Try different hobbies and get out of your comfort zone a little.

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