Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Skwerl 01/06/2010

So she doesn't know that I know she's been having an emotional affair. We were having the long final talk, and twice I looked her in the eyes and asked her point blank if she has romantic feeling for the guy. Both times she completely denied it, they're just friends.
So at the end of the conversation, she said there's nothing left to say. So I said, as long as you've been honest with me, and honest with yourself, it is what it is.

I want to pester her with things like that... "Thanks for being so honest with me, that meant a lot" or "I'm so sorry I accused you of that, I feel so ashamed I didn't trust you"

She fancies herself a very honest person, so I know it's eating her up.

And I love it :)

deleted_user 01/06/2010

And you will hate the fact that you love it in time, trust me on that one.

deleted_user 01/06/2010

yeah i was kind of thinking that myself. Later on you might feel differently on that one. Im sorry she hurt you so much that you feel the need to do that. Understandable, but ouch.

deleted_user 01/06/2010

If she's like most of our exes it doesn't bother her because she's in a state of self-denial and disregards any input that might suggest she's a bad person.

It'll bug the shit out of you, though.

deleted_user 01/06/2010

I wish indifference for you in the near future. It's a long and arduous journey, but well worth it.

Skwerl 01/06/2010

So true Citizen. I want to, but I'm really not that kind of person. But right now the thought is entertaining at least...

lycesq 01/06/2010

Wind - this was painful for me to read - I'm joining Red in wishing you getting to indifference.

Hugs,

Lynne

deleted_user 01/06/2010

Wind, the reason why you will hate feeling pleasure in her misery is because her actions caused a change in how you react to her,and the fact that you now are entertained or enjoying the fact that you know she may be uncomfortable you will look back on and think "dammit, how did I become such an asshole"

But, Vac is right too. If she is like any of our ex's, she isn't feeling a thing because she lacks the ability to admit she is a bad person.

So, only you are the one going to feel anything, and the only thing you will feel is EVERYTHING UNDER THE FUCKING SUN.

(Capitalization for emphasis)

MsViv 01/06/2010

I've used this a lot - not just with stbx, but to kids and employees too
"do what you think is best"
my father use to say that to me all the time. I hated it. and I've also found it gets people to think about right from wrong.

deleted_user 01/06/2010

I am kind of an over-sympathizer, but I feel sorry for her. She must be in a state of serious denial and its all going to come down on her really hard in time. So think it, but don't do it. :)

deleted_user 01/06/2010

Or think of it this way.
Your happiness is not contingent upon her being honest or truthfull to her.
I think you are giving her way to much power.
God If I had the power to make me people unhappy I would.
Hummmmm
Let me get the list.
Dude just do the next right thing. even if you feel like bashing her do the right ting instead life is better that way.
Who care wtf she feels.

deleted_user 01/06/2010

Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to say I am concerned about her feelings. I just know that this will all come crashing down some day and that will be enough torment. Rather than pity, I should tout indifference toward her. :)

Skwerl 01/07/2010

Too true, too true. You're all completely right. I want to pity her and forgive her and all those other bigger things.. and I know someday I will. Hopefully tomorrow even. I know deep down somewhere she is a good person. And I want to stop caring about how she feels or what she thinks, and I hate that she does still have that power over me. That'll take time I guess.. It has been 15 years.

Humbly excuse a moment of weakness..

lycesq 01/07/2010

Wind, don't worry about it - we've all been there, admitting it or not.

Lynne

deleted_user 01/07/2010

doing the right thing when the hell is going on is sooooooooooooooooooo hard..but it the end it makes you a bigger person

i hated every min i took the higher road..did the right things ect..
but now i'm glad i did

and as far as the others saying you'll hate you feeling stuff now..

not me i still hope mine rots in hell and deserves every bit of bad that enters his life

deleted_user 01/07/2010

Actually, I don't believe indifference is the best emotion either. That shows a real lack of humanity. How can one say they loved someone, and then later feel indifference. I don't feel indifferent towards anyone I have ever loved. For most I feel happy that they found a good place in life. For some I feel sad for the mess thay made of their lives.

What I feel for my ex now that everything has settled is sadness. I don't know what her life will bring, that is her path. But, it won't be as great as what she threw away.

I plan to go on and have a wonderful life.

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